Fear There is so much fear in my life. I am aware of it but can not get rid of it. Not even to look at it. I often chose avoidance. I often do not have the energy to do something about it. The paradox is that should we do something about it? or just accept it? If we can just accept it, maybe it does not matter if we do anything about it at all. In any case, I sure am able to aware it, but probably still very far from accepting it.

Li-Ju Hsu的沙龍

Day 10

閱讀書評

創作

文化生活

健康與情感

心經 第一次接觸到心經，是在讀楊定ㄧ的奇蹟的時候，楊定ㄧ提到了他第一次接觸到心經時的震撼。 總共才兩百多個字的經典。 卻道盡了人生的秘密。 一切皆空。 了解了這些道理，自然會把人生看的不那麼真實，但是要真的活出來，又何嘗容易？ 今天續讀了赫塞的悉達多。身為婆羅門的他，一心求教，也達成了神通的境界。但，他還是覺得活著不真實，所以選擇到了城裡入世，從零開始進入到城市的紙醉金迷，被帶走了，體驗了，卻還是沒有活著的感覺。 說來好笑，真正讓他有入世感，失去他自己的時刻。是他發現自己無法用愛，用他自己所認為的愛，去得到他兒子的愛的時候。 真正有了執著，得不到的時候，是他真正入世的時候。 而這時的放手，可能真是他發現一切皆空的時候，強硬地改變這世界的flow，本是徒勞的。 Just go with the flow 一切皆空。

Day 8

在哪裏都是一樣的。 把一本書拿出來重看，常常會有不一樣的領悟。 昨天重新把悉達多拿出來，看到林懷民寫的推薦。裡面有一片短文說到他在印度遇到了一個從中國來的喇嘛，為了來印度看達賴喇嘛，已經嘗試了三年，前兩年總是在越過邊界的時候，被中國邊疆士兵發現，抓回中國關起來。放出來後，又重複了幾次，最後終於成功看到了心目中的達賴。 最令我印象深刻的是，當林懷民問他接下來有什麼打算呢？他回答說，回中國吧。林懷民問他，這樣不會又被抓去關起來嗎？他回答說： 林先生，在哪裏都是一樣的。 就是這句話打中了現在的我。彷彿，這是我現在最需要的一句話。 沒錯，我們這趟來到人世間，要去哪裡呢？會不會其實，在哪裏都是一樣的。 在哪裏，沒有辦法體驗人生呢？人生，每一刻，只要你覺察，都是滿滿的體驗。

Day 7

The city I live. I am deeply in love with Stockholm. It is so beautiful during winter. It is so beautiful during summer. I love Stockholm. It is so quiet. People are calm. People enjoy life. It’s perfect. Stockholm is especially beautiful when it’s covered by snow. The air is always so crispy and fresh after snow. The sun is especially adorable after snow. I love Stockholm ❄️

Day 6

Art. its so funny that during this divorce, the universe chose to give me my burst period of art appreciation. from last one or two year, I start to notice that I have “burst periods.” sometimes it’s about books of certain tooics, such as autobiography or classic novels. Sotimes it’s about certain people, like 伍佰, Andre Chiang, skmt. sometimes it is certain YouTube channels. It’s like “they” would like to give me a theme, a subject to learn and study. So, on the day I was told that our marriage should end, I went to an art museum before knowing what’s is going to happen. I loved it so much. And for the past five days, I spent some time with art everyday. I bought some beautiful art books from museums and art book stores, and enjoy my books several min a day. The art work I enjoy the most are abstract expressionism, black and white photographs, and minimalism art crafts. i don’t know yet why this is ”arranged”. But I definitely dont need to “try” to enjoy this period of bursts. 🎨

Day 5

It was super funny that LT said on the phone that ”enjoy the divorce.” He didn’t say it in a sarcastic way. on the contrary, he was very genuine. It is so interesting that we have come this far. 4 years ago he gone through this divorce and cried so hard on the phone. All the sadness and shame bursted out. since then, we started our journey together. We became our best partners, supporting each other, and never judged each other. How lucky to have this unconditional love. Now 4 years later, I called for my divorce and we laughed so much during our conversation. Its amazing that divorce became so light in our lives. We came to the understanding and living under this understanding that Nothing is really that serious in our lives. Every event happened in our lives is for us to experience it. Truly experience. Not just living through it. And ENJOY it. The happiness and the sadness. ❤️

Day 4

Had a nice night at NOFO last night. Went out to shop, rest with videos and books with music, went to a movie, talked with brother on the phone. Couldn’t think of a better day. it was so perfelt. Or should I say, everything “is” so perfect, as you are effortless and go with the flow. No need to judge good or bad. Right or wrong. Just go ~ with the flow. you‘ll see how perfect everything is…….

Day 3

Everything will be ok, I know. I just need to pure enjoy this chaotic moment and not try to change anything with effort….

Day 2

其實我真的是個不錯的人。慢慢地，世界推著我（或是扶著我）體驗不同的人生。而我也慢慢地，一點一滴地，放掉了抗拒。