先前提到學術英語寫作的作業,為自己選一個專有名詞進行定義。我從王梓沅老師得到的回饋有兩點。
內文:Effective population size (Ne) is defined as a measure of genetic diversity, reflecting the transmission dynamics of pathogens. Incidence cases associated with diverse strains of pathogens are challenging to control, resulting in a high Ne value. Conversely, a low diversity of pathogens within the incidence cases will yield a low Ne value, regardless of the total number of cases.
經過自己的補充與整理:
1. Effective population size (Ne) is defined as a measure of genetic diversity "that reflects" the transmission dynamics of pathogens.
(1) 降低 Ambiguity。Ambiguity 除了詞不達意,還有範圍不明的意思,比如 people 就是一個不太好的詞,並沒有明確給一個受眾範圍。
that reflects 表示是先行詞 diversity 在 reflect;我原本用 reflecting 會無法知道是前面一整句話的補充說明,還是單純去掉關代把動詞變Ving。
(2) 在 S+V, Ving 的句型中,S+V 太短的時候,都可以想辦法改成直述句。
2. When incidence cases involve a wide variety of pathogen strains, control becomes more challenging, leading to a high Ne value.
(1) 在我的原句 be associated with 是「有關連」的意思,很像 be related to;然而,associated with 有「被什麼引起而有關聯」,若不是被什麼引起而有關連的話,並不適合使用associated with。也就是說,associated with 必須用在更特定、更具因果關係的地方。
(2) 原句的are challenging to control 值得玩味。是誰在control? 並不是主詞 Incidence cases。這句話很難界定去 control 的主體是誰,所以必須要改寫,把 control 做為主詞接到challenging 的狀態。