Alyson’s 4/05 Tarot：恐懼 Fear (7-57)
問題：我4/04的未來日記主題
抽牌：恐懼 Fear
https://www.popdaily.com.tw/forum/diary/1491678
凌晨聊天過了頭，又搞亂了生理時鐘。
下次真的要有勇氣開口跟對方說，請停止，不要再說下去。
其實，我有說出口，對方像是沒聽到似的，只顧著自己一直說。
我明白，這樣的情況是不好的。
就是因不忍心在知道對方的心情正在撞牆情況，讓對方一人奮鬥著。
心想著，伸手拉人一把，就是在這樣寧靜的夜晚會是關鍵時刻。
畢竟，不能賭注得認為”不需想這麼多，這應該不會成為那個萬一的時刻”。
但若假設，我沒適時伸出手拉住，真成為了那”萬一”呢？
我的心，會永遠過不了這坎的。
只是，陪了朋友，賠了自己。
這樣的事情，真不能太常發生。
於是今日，就從清晨兩點多才能睡覺的煩雜心情中開啟。
在害怕中，希望發出了芽
在擔憂中，自信閃著亮光
今日的未來日記從午後起了頭。
是要與朋友碰面聚會呀。
在一家一直很想前往的咖啡廳。
在老家附近。
車子啟動的瞬間，耳朵像是突然聽到非常尖銳的聲音，刺痛著，且連續兩次。
上次這樣的痛，心中的念頭一閃而過，我因犯懶，沒認真看待。
造成這輩子的後悔不已。
那是爸爸緊急急診的前一天晚上。
長程通勤多年的我，那晚，好累。
心中想著明日就要跟爸爸一起吃飯，於是發懶得沒回家探望。
再也沒有機會跟爸爸一起待在老家了。
今天又痛，不敢再輕忽。
我需要改變討厭麻煩的個性。
且，我知道是爸爸在我耳邊交待事情，提醒我要注意。
原本是計畫著將車子停放在老家，等聚會結束再進入屋內查巡，看看。
因耳朵痛，就打開大門，馬上就聽到奇怪的聲音。
真的是非常慶幸在聚會前趕緊先查看。
老家魚缸因地震龜裂，魚缸的水流了滿地。
裡面的魚，倒在淺淺的水哩，正在掙扎著呼吸。
趕緊打電話給家人，問，這要怎麼處理。
地震是能量的傳出，這是自然之道，避免不了。
老天把危險降到了最小，且也安排了一切。
因昨天我有先回老家一趟看看地震後有沒有造成損壞，所以有注意到空置的魚缸，今天就剛好可以運用上。
且過去有注意到家人都一直有準備去掉氯氣的水，在魚缸換水時可以使用。
今日，魚，得以繼續悠游，沒事。
我很開心。
沒有因討厭麻煩而忽視了魚的生命。
沒有忽略耳朵痛和心中的聲音，而忽視了隱藏的危機，因馬達一直空轉，若產生火花，後果很難預料會是怎麼樣。
我 ~
在保守中學會謹慎
在謹慎中思考細心
在細心中實踐體貼
在體貼中發散著愛
學習了塔羅之後，老師提醒著我，在感官中，我的聽覺是最敏感，也是對於宇宙，對與天地萬物的連結，啟蒙最早的。
所以，我能”聽見”。
因聽不懂，故我得懂得”覺察”與”分析、判斷”。
將家裡的事情大約整理，不會有危險後，前往跟朋友約定的地點。
咖啡，濃郁，好喝。
甜點，甜而不膩，好吃。
洗手間，乾淨清爽，好舒服。
因事情都已妥善處理好，放鬆的心，也就更能享受當下與朋友相聚的快樂。
感恩造物主給予的天賦。
感恩靈魂的敏銳與提醒。
「隨風潛入夜，潤物細無聲。」
感恩造物主，爸爸一直與我們同在。
爸爸保護著我們，就像過去那樣。
爸爸，沒有離開。
是啊！每每想到這樣，淚，就流下。
Alyson’s 4/05 Tarot: Fear (7-57)
Question: The theme of my journal on 4/04
Card drawn: Fear
Staying up too late chatting, once again disrupting my circadian rhythm.
Next time, I really need to gather the courage to speak up and say, "Stop, let's not continue this conversation."
In truth, I did speak up, but it seemed like the other person didn't hear me and just kept talking.
I understand that this situation isn't good.
It's because I can't bear to see the other person struggling with their emotions, hitting a wall all by themselves.
I think to myself, extending a helping hand might be crucial, especially on such quiet nights.
After all, I can't gamble on thinking "I don't need to worry about it, it probably won't become that 'what if' moment."
But what if, hypothetically, I don't reach out in time and it does become that "what if"?
My heart wouldn't be able to overcome that hurdle.
Just accompanying a friend, I've sacrificed myself.
Such occurrences really shouldn't happen too often.
So today begins with a cluttered mind from finally being able to sleep after 2 in the morning.
In fear, hope sprouts. In worry, confidence shines bright.
Today's journal about the future starts in the afternoon.
It's about meeting up with friends.
At a café I've been wanting to visit for a long time.
Near my hometown.
As the car starts, my ears suddenly perceive a sharp, piercing sound, twice in a row.
The last time I felt this pain, a fleeting thought crossed my mind, but I didn't take it seriously.
It led to regrets that haunt me till now.
It was the night before my dad's emergency hospital visit.
After years of commuting, that night, I was exhausted.
I thought I'd see him the next day for dinner, so laziness kept me from visiting home.
I never got the chance to be with my dad in our hometown again.
Today, the pain returns, and I dare not ignore it.
I need to change my dislike for trouble.
And I know it's my dad reminding me to be cautious.
Originally, I planned to park the car at home and inspect it later after the gathering.
But due to the ear pain, I arrived home early.
Opening the door, I heard a strange sound.
I'm truly fortunate that I checked before the gathering.
The fish tank at home cracked due to an earthquake, flooding the floor.
The fish were lying in shallow water, struggling to breathe.
I quickly called family to ask how to handle it.
An earthquake is an energy transmission, a part of nature; it can't be avoided.
The universe minimized the danger and arranged everything.
Because I had visited home after the earthquake yesterday to check for damage, I noticed the empty fish tank, which I could utilize today.
And because I had noticed that my family always prepared water with chlorine to replace the fish tank water, I could use it when changing the water today.
Today, the fish are able to swim peacefully, unharmed.
I'm happy.
I didn't neglect the lives of the fish due to my aversion to trouble.
I didn't overlook the ear pain and the voice in my heart, thus avoiding a hidden crisis; the motor kept running empty, and if sparks had occurred, the consequences would have been unimaginable.
I ~
Learned caution through conservation.
Contemplated carefully through caution.
Practiced thoughtfulness through carefulness.
Radiated love through thoughtfulness.
After learning tarot, my teacher reminded me that among my senses, my hearing is the most sensitive and the earliest connection to the universe and all things.
So, I could "hear."
And if I can't understand, then I must learn to "perceive" and "analyze, judge."
After roughly sorting out things at home, ensuring there was no danger, I headed to the meeting place with my friends.
The coffee was rich and delicious.
The desserts were sweet but not overwhelming, simply delicious.
The restroom was clean and refreshing, very comfortable.
With everything taken care of, my relaxed mind could fully enjoy the happiness of being with friends in the present moment.
Grateful for the talents bestowed by the Creator.
Grateful for the sensitivity and reminders of the soul.
"Drifting into the night with the wind, nourishing everything silently."
Grateful to the Creator, my dad has always been with us.
Dad is still protecting us, just like before.
Dad hasn't left.
Yes! Every time I think of this, tears flow.
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