Alyson’s 5/25 Tarot：憤怒 Anger (57-57)

Alyson’s 5/25 Tarot：憤怒 Anger (57-57)

問題：我5/24的未來日記主題

抽牌：憤怒 Anger

太棒了！總算來到「未來日記」的最後一天。

長達五十七天的塔羅實驗，近兩個月的時間來到尾聲。

呼！

不算短的時間。

五十七天，應有五十七篇，最後產出五十篇。

沒有產出的七篇，其中有五篇因身體或時間狀況無法寫出，剩餘二篇，塔羅預先抽出的牌卡與當日沒有事項連結，實在不知要如何下筆，因此就空著。

而產出的五十篇中，有二篇，預先抽出的塔羅牌卡與當天的實際日記無法互相呼應，思索後，決定就不進行記錄，其實應該也是要寫下，這樣實驗的過程和紀錄才能夠完整，可實在是太忙了，忙到每天睡眠不足又太疲憊了。

這次實驗表格的紀錄需要再調整，再精進。

有的時候就是這樣，計畫的時候，不是沒有考慮周全，而是經驗值不夠，所以有需要紀錄的項目沒能去設想到，直到現在要整個資料整理、回顧時，才發現，紀錄不夠完整，不夠詳盡。

有點可惜。

可也無法再多著墨什麼。

對於是實驗主題的最後一天來說，今天的塔羅牌『憤怒』，實在不是一個美好的句點。

轉個彎思考，今天，是一年三百六十五天的其中一天，並不特別，是我迄今歲數近一萬八千天的其中一天，並不稀奇。

不是美好的句點，感覺也就沒有那麼可惜或需要多較真了。

不過，也驗證了今天的很多事情，都是不順利，且現在回想是有一點點情緒產生的。

首先，原本週五課程的老師突然離職，換了一位新老師，是錯愕。

再來，新老師教學內容是我個人已經付費購買的軟體，花了不少錢，現在可以用老師分享的學生權益使用二個月，感覺這兩個月的費用像是被坑了，心情有點不美麗。

學習內容是自己沒有時間，也不會研究的使用方式，有收穫，卻又敗在其他軟體搞不懂的項目裡，好難過，對自己失望了。

請助教老師協助了解一些事情，被打馬虎呼巄過去。對於工作如此不盡心的人，想起前一段時間他說他被以前的學員投訴工作狀態，對照他今日的情況，突然覺得他沒被冤枉。

對這樣的情況，我非他同事或主管，無法評斷也不想臆測，只覺可惜了。

緣分是要俱足。

俱足之前看自己是佈施呢，還是結怨？

現在栽種的是什麼，日後也就結什麼果。

根據磁石法則來論，以後，只怕會跟他爭論、爭執，進而衍生出爭議的事情，可能會層出不窮。

這做人做事的道理，難言明。

燈不能點亮，話不能說白。

道，貴在自悟，痛在自誤。

想吃的晚餐，今天沒有營業，小難過。

隨意找家燒烤店，簡單點了幾樣，要價竟然是一天的伙食費用，覺得自己真不會持家，挫折不已。

年紀大了，往昔的大怒，大聲責罵，已難再有了。

除了心裡面不想以外，身體狀況也不允許如此高起低跌般的刺激。

頂多就是心口，有點堵，小塞一下。

過了，也就沒事了。

因為知道『憤怒』 ~

憤怒的情緒就像杯子那般脆弱，稍微大力一碰撞，就裂了，碎了。

憤怒讓自己像是一隻持續噴出火焰的恐龍，眼睛睜紅，感覺血腥、爆力、兇殘，讓人害怕，膽懼。

惹不起，講不得，那躲可以吧，避也可以吧。

像渾身扎滿仙人掌刺，不讓人靠近，久了，也就沒有人想靠近。

如果說，這股火熱的怒氣，能夠試著轉為正面能量，成為激勵心智的動力，那也就不浪費這次被老天安排的”跨坎的試煉”。

只是，有時難免覺得老天好煩，讓人好生地安穩平靜過日子，不可嗎？

非得要餵食人生毒藥，然後再評估每個人的自癒能力？

這分數是要幹嘛呢！

未來？此世？

來生？下一世？

搞不懂。

也不想懂。

果然，我今天的狀態真的是『憤怒』。

現在竟然跟老天叫起板來了。

老天啊！別這個自我情緒的宣洩也要搞個評估與計分，未過與補考，然後造成人間慘兮兮。

福兮？禍兮？禍福相攜，可別搞得慘慘兮兮。

Alyson’s 5/25 Tarot: Anger (57-57)

Question: The theme of my future diary on 5/24

Card Drawn: Anger

Great! Finally, the last day of the "Future Diary" experiment.

A fifty-seven-day Tarot experiment, nearly two months, is coming to an end. Whew! Not a short period.

In fifty-seven days, there should be fifty-seven entries, but only fifty were completed.

Seven entries were not produced: five due to health or time constraints, and two because the Tarot cards drawn didn't connect with the day's events, leaving me unsure how to proceed, so I left them blank.

Among the fifty completed entries, two had Tarot cards that didn't correspond to the actual diary, and after some thought, I decided not to record them. Ideally, I should have written them down to make the experiment more comprehensive, but I was too busy, too tired, and sleep-deprived.

The record of this experiment needs adjustment and refinement.

Sometimes, it's not about not considering everything thoroughly during planning but lacking enough experience. Some items that needed to be recorded were overlooked. Only when organizing and reviewing the data now do I realize the records are incomplete and insufficiently detailed.

It's a bit regrettable.

But there's no more to add.

For the final day of the experiment theme, drawing the Tarot card "Anger" is not a pleasant ending.

Turning the corner in my thoughts, today is just one of the three hundred sixty-five days in a year, not particularly special. It's one of the nearly eighteen thousand days of my life so far, not unusual. Since it's not a beautiful ending, it doesn't feel as regrettable or worth fussing over.

However, it did confirm that many things today were indeed unsmooth, and in retrospect, some emotions did arise.

First, the originally scheduled Friday class teacher suddenly resigned, replaced by a new teacher, which was shocking.

Then, the new teacher's course content was about software I had already paid for, costing quite a bit. Now, I can use the teacher-shared student access for two months, making me feel like I got scammed out of those two months' fees, leaving me a bit upset.

The learning content involved methods I didn't have the time or ability to research. While there were gains, I also struggled with other software aspects I couldn't understand, feeling disappointed in myself.

Asking the teaching assistant for help on some issues, only to be brushed off, made me think of the time he mentioned previous students complaining about his work attitude. Comparing it to his behavior today, I suddenly felt he wasn't wrongly accused.

For such situations, since I'm neither his colleague nor superior, I can't judge or speculate, just feel it's a pity.

Fate needs to be complete.

Before completeness, am I sowing goodwill or resentment? What I plant now will bear fruit in the future. According to the law of attraction, I fear future disputes and conflicts may arise, leading to endless issues. These principles of conduct and work are hard to articulate. The light can't be lit, and words can't be said plainly. The way is to understand it oneself, the pain lies in misunderstanding it.

The dinner I wanted wasn't open today, a small disappointment.

Randomly chose a barbecue place, ordered a few items, only to find it cost an entire day's meal budget, feeling I can't manage a household, deeply frustrated.

With age, the days of great anger and loud scolding are gone.

Besides not wanting to in my heart, my health doesn't allow for such highs and lows of stimulation. At most, a slight chest congestion. Once it's over, it's done.

Because I know "Anger" ~

Anger is as fragile as a glass; a slight bump shatters it.

Anger makes me like a dragon spewing flames, eyes bloodshot, feeling bloody, violent, ferocious, making people fearful and apprehensive. Unapproachable, unspeakable, can only avoid and evade. Like a cactus covered in spikes, preventing closeness, over time, no one wants to approach.

If this burning anger can be transformed into positive energy, becoming a motivational force, then it wouldn't waste this "crossing the threshold" trial arranged by heaven.

But sometimes, it's hard not to feel heaven is annoying, can't people live a peaceful life? Must we be fed life's poison, then evaluated on each person's healing ability? What's the point of these scores! Future? This life? Next life? The following life?

Can't understand.

Don't want to understand. Indeed, my state today is "Anger." Now I'm even arguing with heaven. Oh heavens! Don't evaluate and score even this emotional outburst, causing misery in human life.

Blessing? Curse? Blessings and curses come hand in hand; don't let it turn into a miserable situation.

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