Alyson’s 4/13 Tarot：慈悲 Compassion (15-57)
問題：我4/12的未來日記主題
抽牌：慈悲 Compassion
今天要聊的是「慈悲」這張塔羅牌。
且主題是「死亡」裡的慈悲。
「死亡」這張牌並不是厄運的訊息，也不是大難來臨前的警告。
這張塔羅牌是在說，是時候要將過去老舊的匠氣丟棄掉。
何謂”過去”，想當然爾，就是說不是現在，更不用考量會與未來有關。
已踏上新的路程，選擇新的生活，過去的一些習慣，思維，還有技能，有可能都已成沉痾而不自知，卻還當寶貝珍惜著。
該醒醒囉！！
https://www.popdaily.com.tw/forum/diary/1493124
「死亡」這張塔羅牌，我覺得還有大刀闊斧的意思，該斷得趕緊斷，該換得趕快換，該捨得的，就別再捨不得。
沒有將累贅放掉，卸掉，要如何前進。
沒有卸掉的，無用的舊包裹，只會拖住前進的腳程。
猶豫，從來就都不是個好態度。
趁早，還有趕上的機會，趕緊醒醒吧！
我參加了完全不懂，沒接觸過的課程訓練。
每天都很吃力，我樂此不疲。
這是我在經歷我的「死亡」階段。
今天凌晨告知大家今日的集體塔羅牌是「大師」。
那時我是想不通的，現在我是沒有太多機會跟別人接觸的，哪有什麼時候可分享經驗呢。
結果事情的真相很讓我意外，也讓人開心。
原來，今天沒有成為「大師」的我，是那個享受被「大師」指導的學習者。
這是豐盈的果實。
是過往的善意積累的回饋。
這次學習的課程，我一直都很緊張，尤其是今天的電腦平面插畫學習，我一直用不好，老是找不到老師剛剛才講解過的樞紐，且電腦還因我過於急躁猛按滑鼠，直接當機，我原本就已經跟不上腳步了，現在被自己搞成直接休息，只能傻眼瞪著電腦螢幕。
經過觀察和注意，今天，我應是那個班級舉手跟老師求救最多次的學生了。
實在是詢問太多次了，後來我不好意思再請教老師了。
於是，轉過頭，請教坐在後面的同學。
哇！是一個年輕，清秀的男孩子。
前幾天的下課時間，他都是趴在桌上休息，都沒機會看他長的模樣呢。
我用誠懇的眼光請教著。
年輕人走到我位置幫我看電腦螢幕，然後告訴我問題點。
我第一次的電腦插畫，畫得真的是不好看，可是這位年輕人，很親切，很友善，很有愛心。
他很真誠地同意了我所說的，我的畫，真的有點奇怪。
然後鼓勵我，多加練習，會越來越好。
直到今天下課時，我問了後面同學好多次。
甚至在有一點點小小進步時，很開心地趕快轉頭跟他說。
很可愛的年輕人，竟然握起拳頭跟我說，太棒了！做得好！
然後為我鼓掌，替我開心。
這孩子，真的是很溫柔呀。
我真摯回應說，現在的年輕孩子都像你這樣，說話很懂得鼓勵人，且好正向呀！
他害羞得微笑了。
今天，我想應該不只是今天，應該說從今天開始，我像是擁有自己的小老師那般有人可以依賴。
今天晚上要喝杯啤酒，讓自己心情放鬆一下，也慶祝這週學習有點進步的成果，還有日後有人可以幫忙的幸福。開心呀！
宇宙呀！
塔羅呀！
不僅知道會發生甚麼事情，甚至連心情要如何轉折都知道。
「未來日記」的塔羅紀錄，我都是晚上要寫當天發生的事情時才去翻看之前插牌記錄的筆記。
關於「未來日記」的當天早上或前一天晚上（若我有記得要先描繪日記想要如何寫的這件事情），這時我都是在腦海裡思考當天的預計行程，但只有寫在行事曆上面的事情才會去事先想像，學習、上課，這類事情，在我的觀念裡是日常，比較不會特別去思考和設想。
昨天發生讓人不愉快的事情，今天也就會有後續事情發展。
放過自己，是當陷入不開心的事情時要先做好的事情。
請記得 ~ 先照顧好自己的需求與情緒，不是自私的行為。
我們得先自己有能力，得有好情緒，好態度和健康的身體，才有機會付出。
否則，反而造成家人和旁人的麻煩及負擔。
今天早上，昨天用粗魯態度對待我的人前來解釋，但並非道歉。
我只說，多提醒的話語是我和朋友間都會做出的關心。
她還想說明，但我不想再聽了。
我沒有忘記昨天她的惡質態度，可也直接表達昨日被她那樣無禮對待後的我，生氣和不舒服。
我沒打算原諒，也沒想要再繼續糾結這事情。
遠離，就好。
我沒有惡面相向，但也不想勉強自己說〝沒關係＂之類的話，反過來安慰對方。
她道歉，是她該做的。
接受與否，是我自己可以選擇的。
有時候，就是有人很討厭的會說，＂對方都道歉了，且是小事，幹嘛還抓著不放？＂
這真的是奇怪的論點。
＂道歉＂是萬能的免死金牌嗎？
道歉，是做錯事情的人要回應給受害者的基本禮貌，但並非道德綁架的工具。
她並非跟我熟識的人，我為何需要承擔她的愚蠢行為和事後解釋呢。
我認為我沒有以其人之道還其人之深，已是我對她的「慈悲」。
且，我也不想委屈自己，因此我認為不接受她的解釋是我對自己的「慈悲」。
Alyson’s 4/13 Tarot: Compassion (15-57)
Question: Theme of my journal entry on 4/12
Card drawn: Compassion
Today's discussion is centered around the Tarot card "Compassion," within the theme of "Death."
The "Death" card doesn't signal doom or warn of impending disaster.
It suggests it's time to discard outdated attitudes.
By "past," it means not the present, let alone the future.
Having embarked on a new journey, choosing a new life, some old habits, thoughts, and skills may have become stagnant, yet still cherished. It's time to wake up!
I interpret the "Death" card as a call to make bold changes, to cut ties where needed, to let go of what no longer serves us.
Holding onto burdens only hinders progress.
Hesitation has never been a good attitude. It's time to wake up while there's still a chance!
I enrolled in a completely unfamiliar training course.
Every day has been challenging, yet I find joy in it.
This is my "death" phase.
Early this morning, I shared with everyone that today's collective Tarot card is "Master."
At the time, I couldn't grasp its relevance, considering I have limited interaction with others these days.
But the truth turned out unexpectedly delightful.
Today, I, who didn't become "The Hierophant," found myself enjoying being guided by one.
It's a rich harvest, a reward for past kindness.
Throughout this course, I've been anxious, especially during today's lesson on computer graphic design.
I struggled to follow along, often unable to locate what the instructor just explained.
Then, my impatience led to a computer crash.
I was already falling behind, and now I was stuck, staring at a blank screen.
Observing closely, I realized I was the student who raised their hand the most for help.
Eventually, I felt too embarrassed to ask the teacher again.
So, I turned to the student behind me.
Wow! He was a young, handsome guy. In previous days, he always seemed tired during breaks, and I never really got a good look at him.
I asked him earnestly for help.
He came over, looked at my screen, and pointed out the issue.
My first attempt at computer art wasn't great, but this young man was kind, friendly, and compassionate.
He agreed my drawing looked a bit odd but encouraged me to practice more, assuring me I'd improve.
By the end of today's class, I had asked the student behind me for help countless times.
Even when I made a tiny bit of progress, I eagerly turned to him to share.
He was adorable, fist-bumping me, saying, "Great job!" and applauding me, genuinely happy for my improvement.
What a gentle soul.
I replied sincerely that young people like him nowadays are so good at encouraging others and being positive.
He smiled shyly.
Today, and perhaps from now on, I feel like I have my own little teacher to rely on.
Tonight, I'll have a beer to relax, celebrating the progress I've made this week and the happiness of having someone to help in the future.
How joyful!
Universe!
Tarot!
Not only do you know what will happen, but you also predict how emotions will shift.
I usually review my Tarot notes in the evening when writing about the day's events for my "Future Diary."
In the morning or the night before (if I remember to plan my diary entry), I think about the day's schedule, but I only imagine things already written in my calendar.
Learning, attending classes—these are part of my routine, so I don't usually dwell on them.
Unpleasant events from yesterday will likely have consequences today.
Being kind to oneself is essential when feeling unhappy.
Remember—taking care of your needs and emotions isn't selfish.
We must be capable, emotionally stable, and healthy ourselves before helping others.
Otherwise, we'll only burden our family and others.
This morning, the person who treated me rudely yesterday came to explain, not apologize.
I simply mentioned that reminders like hers are a form of concern I share with friends.
She wanted to explain further, but I didn't want to hear it.
I haven't forgotten her disrespectful behavior from yesterday, nor have I concealed my anger and discomfort from being treated that way.
I don't intend to forgive or dwell on it further.
Moving on is best.
I won't pretend it's okay or force myself to comfort her.
Apologizing is her obligation. Accepting it is my choice.
Sometimes, people might say, "She apologized, and it's a minor issue, why hold onto it?"
That's a strange argument.
Is an apology a cure-all?
Apologizing is basic courtesy from someone who's done wrong, not a tool for moral coercion.
She isn't someone I know well, so why should I bear the burden of her foolish behavior and subsequent explanations?
I believe not retaliating in kind is my "compassion" toward her.
And I don't want to feel resentful, so rejecting her explanation is my "compassion" toward myself.
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