Alyson’s 4/20 Tarot：抱負 Aspriration (22-57)
問題：我4/19的未來日記主題
抽牌：抱負 Aspriration
經過將近兩週的煎熬與不停的練習，今天，總算沒有上週五的擔憂與恐懼。
有幾次都有跟上了老師教導的節奏，只是需要完全專注，稍微恍神，就糟糕了，整個歪掉的圖面，讓我哭笑不得。
休息時間跟同學聊著天，我說，很開心！今天有比上週進步了。且有些有跟上了。
突然有一個聲音說，聽到妳自己這樣說，我放心不少。替妳開心，這週的妳，進步不少，且都有跟上，也有聽懂了。
沒有注意到老師就在旁邊的我，被這突然的聲音嚇了一大跳。
笑著說，老師，休息時間不要這樣嚇人啊。我的精神只夠用在上課時間的。
這「未來日記」的第三週，主題是『隱士』。
我覺得『隱士』，是在山林間修行，做自己的高人，是率真的人，不太管別人怎麼說，怎麼想，怎麼講，他就做自己，做自己想做的事情，做自己喜歡的事情。
這樣的生活，有著踏實的安全，沒有高低起伏的絢爛與轉折，就是樸實的日子，是種可聽到時間在滴答過去的沉靜，不死寂，如何活動，如何證明活著，都自己決定。
在這樣的時光中，可以看山看雲看天空，聽雨聽水聽鳥叫聲。
https://www.popdaily.com.tw/forum/diary/1494333
在這樣低調內斂的主題下，『抱負」要如何連結與貼近呢？
這是今天的副標題，是權杖的牌卡之一。
『抱負』有一隻象徵向上移動的火炬，這是實現崇高理想和最大潛能的渴望。
就如同我今天想要搞懂和學習現在卡住的課程一樣。
因為內心的渴望，因為內心的好勝心，也因為初衷，想要學習這項技能，所以才會報名這個課程，才會讓自己每天都微笑著迎接新課程內容。
今天，我有成為想要成為的樣子。
今天，我有獲得想要獲得的技巧。
今天，我有活躍想要活著的模樣。
用專注，用意志力，用努力，還有一顆放鬆的心，迎向每一個學習日。
老爸老媽知道這樣的情況，都會笑話我，說，真是反了，年紀大了，才認真學習，不年輕了，才拼命用功。
早個幾十年就這樣努力，今日應可在家躺平悠閒了。
我知道自己『聰穎』，這是對許多人事物的洞悉力，可我不『聰明』，老是學不起來學校教的那些甲乙丙丁戊己更辛。
我知道自己有『智慧』，這是對人有同理心，有耐心，可我不『勤勞』，老是背不起來歷史中誰跟誰打仗，會計科目借貸雙方要如何才能平衡，更不懂微積分要做甚麼用，搞不懂重力加速度對我的生活有什麼幫助。
如今，在我心中有著一些夢想。
有的已發芽，有的還在吸收土壤營養。
這些一項、兩項、三項加起來是我的一大『抱負』，一個大目標、大夢想。
現在學習的課程、知識和技巧，就是為了成就這個有點遙遠的理想及渴望。
加油！
靠近目標更接近了。
Alyson’s 4/20 Tarot: Aspiration
Question: Theme for my journal entry on 4/19
Card drawn: Aspiration
After nearly two weeks of struggle and relentless practice, today, finally, I didn't have the worries and fears of last Friday.
There were moments when I kept up with the rhythm taught by the teacher, but just a slight distraction could ruin everything, causing the whole pattern to skew, leaving me both laughing and crying.
During break time, chatting with classmates, I said, "I'm so happy! I've made progress today compared to last week.
And I've managed to keep up with some parts."
Suddenly, a voice said, "Hearing you say that puts me at ease. I'm happy for you. You've made significant progress this week, keeping up and even understanding."
I hadn't noticed the teacher standing nearby, and this sudden voice startled me. I laughed and said, "Teacher, don't scare me like that during break time. My focus is only for class."
The theme for the third week of this 'Future Diary' is "Hermit."
To me, the "Hermit" is someone who practices in the mountains, living as their own sage, honest and true to themselves, regardless of what others say, think, or speak.
They do what they want and what they love.
This kind of life offers a solid sense of security.
It's not about highs and lows, but rather simple days, where one can hear the quiet ticking of time passing by.
It's not dead silence; it's about deciding for oneself how to move and prove one's existence.
In such times, one can watch mountains, clouds, and the sky, listen to rain, water, and bird songs.
Under such a discreet and introspective theme, how does "Aspiration" connect and resonate?
This is today's subtitle, one of the cards of the wands.
"Aspiration" features a torch symbolizing upward movement, the desire to achieve noble ideals and maximum potential.
Just like how today I want to understand and learn the current stuck course.
Because of inner desire, competitiveness, and the initial intention to learn this skill, I enrolled in this course, smiling every day to embrace the new course content.
Today, I've become who I want to be.
Today, I've gained the skills I want to gain.
Today, I'm active as I want to be.
With focus, willpower, effort, and a relaxed heart, I face each day of learning.
My parents joke about this situation, saying, "Isn't it backward?
Getting serious about learning when you're older, not striving hard when you're young.
If only you had worked this hard decades ago, you could be lounging comfortably at home today."
I know I'm "perceptive," with insight into many things, but I'm not "smart," always struggling to grasp what schools teach.
I know I have "wisdom," empathy, and patience with people, but I'm not "diligent," always failing to memorize historical battles, how to balance debits and credits in accounting, or understanding the purpose of calculus or how gravity affects my life.
Now, I have some dreams in my heart.
Some have sprouted, while others are still absorbing the nutrients of the soil.
These one, two, three goals add up to my "aspiration," a big goal, a big dream.
The courses, knowledge, and skills I'm learning now are all aimed at achieving this somewhat distant ideal and desire.
Keep going!
Getting closer to the goal brings us closer.
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