Alyson’s 4/14 Tarot：力量 Strength (16-57)
問題：我4/13的未來日記主題
抽牌：力量 Strength
昨天參加一個培訓課程，關於協談，關於志工，關於自殺議題。
課程內容是嚴肅的，同學是親切的，老師們與主辦單位的人們很是溫柔。
https://www.popdaily.com.tw/forum/diary/1493419
上午滿滿的四小時，有數據分析，有現況分享，有醫師專業知識的傳授。
下午滿滿的四小時，是團體課程，有遊戲，有認知，有分享。
上完一天課程結束後，回到家要寫功課，將一天的學習心得與團體體驗一一回饋。
將所有指定作業完成已凌晨。
太累了，沒有精神再提筆寫「未來日記」的塔羅日誌。
今天補上。(然後今天的，卻又得明天補了，希望明天我可以將進度趕上，別再拖延。)
今天「未來日記」的塔羅抽牌是「力量」。
完完全全地貼切著我今日一整天的學習課程。
我報名參加一個志工培訓課程。
這是『1995』是防治自殺專線志工培訓。
經過三階段的學習與評量後，方能成為志工，才能開始進行協助他人的事情。
若問我，那麼多的志工，為何選擇『1995』？
很難回答這個問題，因沒有仔細酌量與思考過。
二十多年前知道『1995』，覺得這是很有意義的，且真摯佩服這些大愛的志工們。
這些是無名英雄，協助他人，是不留名，不現身的。
一直有想貢獻能力予社會的想法，在朋友號召下，連同我和幾位朋友就一起報名了。
曾有過想哭卻哭不出來的痛嗎？
曾有過痛到心已麻痺，只覺空洞嗎？
找不到生命的出口，眼前雖不是黑暗，但確實是看不清楚的。
在迷濛裡，沒有方向，心，虛浮著，恐懼驟升，無法停歇地慌。
可以跟誰說？
會讓人擔心的。
會被人責罵的。
不安穩的心，煩憂的事情不間斷，何時可安歇？何處可安息？
生命的幽谷，這路，多長？多窄？多暗？多讓人害怕？
不經意掉下的小石，打在無處可躲藏的身心上，痛得眼淚逼出，沒人知道傷痕累累又疲乏的靈魂，早已蒼白無力。
如果，因為我短短的陪伴，靜靜的凝聽，電話那頭的陌生人，在這段時間裡放心地坦述，願意再多走一點點的路，我就會感受到值得。
疼惜每個受傷的靈魂，疼惜每個傷痕，疼惜每個痛苦和難過。
不懂，這世上為何就是有人忍心傷害他人？
不懂，為何有時施暴者是那些受害者最親近，最親密的人？
在這麼多不懂和問題下，解題或找到答案從來我就不擅長。
但我能”傾聽”，我能”陪伴”，我能”理解”。
我曾踏上山巔，我也曾走在山坡丘陵與小低谷裡。
低谷就已讓我難受與心傷，那些在幽谷小徑中走不出來的人，又是承受多少的傷和痛。
我認為能有幫助別人的機會，是幸運，是緣分。
我覺得能夠擁有能力去幫助別人，是幸福的人。
我想擁有幫助他人的能力並且也擁有幫助別人的機會，這是福氣，這是福報。
我會珍惜這堅守心智的”力量”。
我會守護好想要付出與貢獻的”心力”。
這是我的寶貝，要更加珍惜保護的寶貝。
「力量」這張塔羅牌，在埃及祭祀人員的頭上頂著一個大盤，上面有顆蛋型狀的寶物，這是讓人用生命，用誓言，用心保護守護的。
如同，我想保守住自己堅強的心志，保守住自己內心的信念與期盼。
”將愛傳下去” ~ 傳給需要的人。
親愛的宇宙，請賜予我溫柔的力量，堅定的力量，希望的力量。
Alyson's 4/14 Tarot: Strength (16-57)
Question: My theme for the diary of 4/13
Card Drawn: Strength
Yesterday, I attended a training course on negotiation, volunteering, and suicide prevention.
The content of the course was serious, the classmates were friendly, and the teachers and organizers were very gentle.
The morning session was packed with four hours of data analysis, current situation sharing, and imparting professional knowledge from doctors.
The afternoon session, also four hours long, consisted of group activities, cognitive exercises, and sharing.
After completing a full day of classes, I returned home to do my homework, diligently reflecting on the day's learning and group experiences.
I stayed up until the early hours of the morning to complete all the assigned tasks.
I was too exhausted to muster the energy to write the Tarot journal for the "Future Diary" yesterday.
Today, I'm catching up. (And then, today's, which will have to be postponed until tomorrow, hoping I can catch up with my progress tomorrow and not procrastinate anymore.)
Today's Tarot draw for the "Future Diary" is "Strength," perfectly reflecting my entire day of learning.
I signed up for a volunteer training course.
It's the "1995" Suicide Prevention Hotline Volunteer Training. After three stages of learning and assessment, one can become a volunteer and start helping others.
If you were to ask me why I chose "1995" out of so many volunteer opportunities, it would be difficult to answer because I hadn't carefully considered or thought about it.
More than twenty years ago, I learned about "1995" and felt it was meaningful.
I truly admire these selfless volunteers.
They are unsung heroes who assist others without seeking recognition or fame.
I've always had the desire to contribute to society. At the urging of friends, a few of us signed up together.
Have you ever experienced pain so intense that you couldn't cry?
Have you ever felt so numb to the point of emptiness?
Unable to find an exit from life's struggles, although not in darkness, everything seems blurry.
Lost and directionless, with a floating heart, fear rises abruptly, and the panic is relentless.
Who can you talk to?
It would worry them.
You'd be blamed.
The restless heart, the continuous worry,
When will it find peace?
Where can it find solace?
How long and narrow is the valley of life?
How dark and terrifying is it?
The small stones that fall inadvertently, hitting the body and mind with nowhere to hide, the pain forces tears out, but no one knows the soul, battered and weary, has long been pale and weak.
If, because of my brief company, quiet listening, the stranger on the other end of the phone feels comfortable enough to confide and is willing to walk a little further, I feel it's worthwhile.
Caring for every wounded soul, every scar, every pain and sorrow.
Why is it that some people can hurt others without remorse?
Why is it that sometimes the perpetrators are the ones closest to the victims?
Under so many questions and uncertainties, I've never been good at finding solutions or answers.
But I can "listen," I can "accompany," I can "understand."
I've walked on mountain peaks, I've walked in hills and valleys.
The valleys were already painful and heartbreaking for me.
How much pain and hurt do those who can't find their way out of the dark paths of the valley endure?
I believe having the opportunity to help others is fortunate, it's fate.
I feel that having the ability to help others is a blessing.
I want to have the ability to help others and also have the opportunity to help others; this is good fortune, this is karma.
I will cherish the "Strength" of my perseverance.
I will guard the "heart and soul" I want to contribute and give.
It's my treasure, a treasure I must cherish and protect even more.
The Tarot card "Strength" depicts a large disk resting on the heads of Egyptian priests, with an egg-shaped object on top, something to be protected with life, vows, and heart. Just as I want to preserve my strong determination and safeguard my inner beliefs and hopes.
"Pass on the love" ~ Pass it on to those in need.
Dear universe, please grant me gentle strength, firm strength, and hopeful strength.
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