Alyson’s 4/01 Tarot：幻覺 Delusion (3-57)
問題：我的未來日記第一週第二篇的主題
抽牌：幻覺 Delusion
幻覺，是我的想像？
我想像的，是幻覺？
何為真？
何為不實的期望？
海市蜃樓是眼睛以為的看到，
想像中的未來情景，時間還未到，如何論是”幻覺”？
失控的未來日記
https://www.popdaily.com.tw/draft/6609780146d60e56c1aad542
昨天多變的天氣，把我原本的期望翻攪不停。
原本前一晚想好的的『未來日記』內容，現都不知道如何下筆。
前一晚的失眠，導致昨天的沒有精神。
差點在浴室滑倒，卻又在樓梯上跌倒。
這真是始料未及。
是否有可能因在腦海中的未來日記，一直變形著。
失眠是因為一直在亂想。
想什麼呢？
想著明天掃墓要割草，好累喔。
每年，我們這群被稱年輕第三代，共約10個人，全部一起，也要花費近半小時。
割草的事情，每年依舊，可人會老，且，我真的已老。
凌晨的大雨，讓一直掛念害怕地割草活動更困難。
討厭泥濘。
原本就難以入睡，現在更不可能熟睡。
精神迷濛，意識昏沉，還要注意鐮刀霍霍，真是好糟心。
回家後才發現擁有最佳勞動力的年輕第四代並沒有回家，他們缺席了。
未曾發生過的事情，我也就主觀的直接屏棄，所以我今日的未來日記裡也就沒有包含這事情。
抵達墓地。
抬頭一望，草呢？那些頑固的草呢？
長輩說，以後每年都會外包出去，大家不用再像過去那樣勞動。
這真是料想不到的結局。
我的未來日記想的是大家揮汗淋漓，手痠腰痛地回去。
未來日記裡的第三項，傍晚去學校操場快走。
精神抖擻前往，操場周圍停滿了車，嗯，又是一件沒有料想到的事情。
沒關係，不影響我完成我的未來日記。
走了沒多久，瞬間下陣雨，躲避不及，成了落湯雞。
車子停在校門口，忽見一學生在躲雨。
神情緊繃猛看錶，詢問後知趕事情。
跟他說，開車載你去。
學生猛說謝意，又猶豫。
原來同學幫他拿傘在路上，怕對方白忙一場好尷尬。
結果，另一同學要回家。
於是順道一起載，讓我想起往日舊昔老回憶。
這兩件臨時的狀況，打翻我今日的日記。
無妨。
雖無實現小希望，可擁有好心腸，也罷。
今日抽牌：幻覺 Delusion
看看高掛的太陽，瞧瞧躲雲後的月亮
黑壓壓的烏雲，橫跨整個天空
幻覺是能看到太陽和月亮
真實是太陽、月亮和雲娘
不切的期望，不實的渴望。
在心智還懵懂，沒那麼確定時，會悄悄地攻佔心房，誤以為，這才是希望與前方。
要如何辨清真正的方向？
唯有邊行邊望，邊走邊確認，並也要懂拐彎和轉向。
認清，辨明這類事，旁人很難幫。
可也別因此就拋下或遠離夢想。
真正要做的是一再，二再，三再，不停地確認自己的夢想和心的方向。
Alyson's 4/01 Tarot: Delusion (3-57)
Question: Theme of the first week of my future diary.
Card drawn: Delusion
Delusion, is it my imagination?
Or is my imagination a delusion?
What is real?
What are unrealistic expectations?
The mirage is what the eyes perceive,
The imagined future scenes, yet to come, how can they be labeled "delusion"?
A future diary out of control.
The unpredictable weather yesterday kept overturning my original expectations.
I don't even know how to start writing what I had planned for the "future diary" the night before.
Insomnia the previous night left me devoid of energy yesterday.
Almost slipped in the bathroom, then stumbled on the stairs.
This truly caught me off guard.
Could it be that the constantly changing future diary in my mind is causing this?
Insomnia because of constant overthinking.
What was I thinking about?
Thinking about tomorrow's task of mowing the lawn, how exhausting it will be.
Every year, our group, dubbed the "young third generation," about 10 of us, all together, it takes nearly half an hour.
The task of mowing the lawn remains the same every year, but people age, and I truly feel old.
The heavy rain in the early morning made the dreaded lawn mowing even more difficult.
Hate the mud.
Already having trouble falling asleep, now it's even harder to get a good night's sleep.
Mentally foggy, consciousness heavy, and still have to watch out for the swinging scythe, it's really frustrating.
Only after returning home did I realize that the younger fourth generation, who are the most capable of labor, didn't come home; they were absent.
Things that have never happened before, I just subjectively dismissed, so they weren't included in today's future diary.
Arriving at the cemetery.
Looking up, where is the grass? Where are those stubborn weeds?
The elders said, from now on, it will be outsourced every year, and we don't have to labor like we used to.
This was truly an unexpected outcome.
In my future diary, I imagined everyone returning sweaty and sore.
The third item in the future diary, going for a brisk walk around the school playground in the evening.
Heading there with enthusiasm, the area around the playground was filled with parked cars, hmm, another unexpected event.
No matter, it doesn't affect my completion of the future diary.
Not long into the walk, it suddenly started raining, unable to avoid it, I became drenched.
A car parked at the school gate, suddenly saw a student sheltering from the rain.
Tense expression, anxiously checking the watch, inquiring revealed a rush.
Told him, "Let me drive you."
The student was profusely grateful but hesitant.
It turns out a classmate was helping him carry an umbrella on the way, afraid of making the gesture in vain and causing embarrassment.
As a result, the other classmate needed to go home.
So, I offered a ride, reminiscent of old memories.
These two spontaneous situations disrupted my diary for today.
No matter.
Though small hopes may not materialize, possessing a kind heart is enough.
Today's card: Delusion
Look at the sun high in the sky,
behold the moon peeking through the clouds.
The dark clouds looming, covering the entire sky.
Delusion allows us to see the sun and moon,
Reality consists of the sun, moon, and clouds.
Unrealistic expectations, false desires.
When the mind is still naive, not so sure, they silently occupy the heart, mistakenly believed to be hope and direction.
How to discern the true direction?
Only by walking and confirming as we go, and also understanding when to turn and change direction.
Recognizing and discerning such matters is difficult for others to help with.
But don't abandon or distance yourself from dreams because of this.
What needs to be done is to repeatedly, continuously confirm one's dreams and the direction of the heart.
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