這兩天，隨著接近住院日期，家人跟手術的事情也安排的差不多了。於是我又切換回「工作模式」，試圖在入院前把手邊的工作收到個段落，跟同事們仔細交代這段時間的重點任務和方向。
彷彿又回到那種腎上腺素飆升的節奏，幾個小時盯著電腦螢幕，腦袋高速運轉、同時處理多工，會議一個接一個。這種時候，腫瘤、麻痺、背痛，甚至頸部的緊繃感，都暫時被拋在腦後。然後回到家坐在沙發上鬆懈下來後，才感覺到身體疲憊痛楚到不行 — 但心裡是充實痛快的。
我或許真是個不折不扣的工作狂。平常不太懂怎麼「好好生活」，總是腦中裝滿工作事項，很難想像如果有一天只能躺在床上、什麼都不能做，會有多悶。感謝主，讓我有一份這麼喜歡的工作，隨時有挑戰與刺激，讓愛思考大腦總會有想不完的事情。生活節奏或許一成不變，但一點也不無聊。我只希望，手術後的渡假期間不會太久，終究能回到這種自己滿意的狀態，感謝主。
最近的經歷帶來豐沛的感觸，即便是小小的感動都容易觸動淚腺。今天看到費爸寫給Nadal一封身為頭號紛絲的信，每一句話充滿了真實與感性，沒有花言巧語的形容詞，描述著他們在這個運動生涯上相遇的一些故事，但是話語之間流露出他們對彼此在這麼長的競爭生涯中，互相的尊重、如何影響對方的人生。我想，只有真正有智慧的人，才能用簡單的文字寫出貼近生命的故事。最近練習寫日記，也希望自己有天也能寫出簡單傳達出心意的動人文筆。
收藏信中的內容，提醒自己感到無力時，看看兩個最愛的男人 wake me up~
As you get ready to graduate from tennis, I’ve got a few things to share before I maybe get emotional.
在你即將從網球生涯畢業之際，我想在情緒太過激動之前跟你說幾句。
Let’s start with the obvious: you beat me — a lot. More than I managed to beat you. You challenged me in ways no one else could. On clay, it felt like I was stepping into your backyard, and you made me work harder than I ever thought I could just to hold my ground. You made me reimagine my game — even going so far as to change the size of my racquet head, hoping for any edge.
從最顯而易見的地方說起：你打敗我 — — 很多次，比我打敗你的次數還多。你以沒有人能做到的方式挑戰我。踏上紅土球場的我像是闖入你的後花園。你讓我付出遠超想像的努力，才能勉強站穩腳跟。你讓我重新審視自己的打法，甚至改變拍面尺寸，只為找到一絲可能的優勢。
I’m not a very superstitious person, but you took it to the next level. Your whole process. All those rituals. Assembling your water bottles like toy soldiers in formation, fixing your hair, adjusting your underwear… All of it with the highest intensity. Secretly, I kind of loved the whole thing. Because it was so unique — it was so you.
我不是個迷信的人，而你則把儀式感提升到另一個境界。完完整整的過程 — — 把水瓶擺得像列隊的士兵、梳理你的頭髮、調整你的衣褲……以最強的專注力執行這些動作。老實說，我很愛你這樣。因為太特別了 — — 太有你的風格。
And you know what, Rafa, you made me enjoy the game even more.
你知道嗎，Rafa，你讓我更享受網球。
OK, maybe not at first. After the 2004 Australian Open, I achieved the #1 ranking for the first time. I thought I was on top of the world. And I was — until two months later, when you walked on the court in Miami in your red sleeveless shirt, showing off those biceps, and you beat me convincingly. All that buzz I’d been hearing about you — about this amazing young player from Mallorca, a generational talent, probably going to win a major someday — it wasn’t just hype.
好啦，也許起初並非如此。2004年澳網之後，我首次登上世界第一。當時的我感覺自己站在世界之巔。而這也是事實 — — 直到兩個月後。你現身邁阿密，穿著紅色無袖球衣大秀二頭肌，然後紮紮實實把我擊潰。那時的我早已聽過關於你的傳聞 — — 來自馬略卡島的神奇少年，不世出的新星，總有一天會拿下大滿貫 — — 全都不是誇大其辭。
We were both at the start of our journey and it’s one we ended up taking together. Twenty years later, Rafa, I have to say: What an incredible run you’ve had. Including 14 French Opens — historic! You made Spain proud… you made the whole tennis world proud.
那時，我們的旅程才剛開始，往後，這竟成我倆攜手走過的路。二十年後，Rafa，我必須告訴你：你走出一段不可思議的傳奇。十四次法網冠軍 — — 歷史性的壯舉！你讓西班牙自豪……也讓整個網球世界驕傲。
I keep thinking about the memories we’ve shared. Promoting the sport together. Playing that match on half-grass, half-clay. Breaking the all-time attendance record by playing in front of more than 50,000 fans in Cape Town, South Africa. Always cracking each other up. Wearing each other out on the court and then, sometimes, almost literally having to hold each other up during trophy ceremonies.
我常想起我們共有的回憶。一起為推廣網球奔走；在「半草地半紅土」的球場上打球；在南非開普敦超過五萬名觀眾眼前比賽，打破現場觀賽的歷史記錄。我們在場下總把彼此逗笑，上了場又讓對方疲於奔命，弄到有時幾乎需要互相攙扶才能在頒獎典禮上站著。
I’m still grateful you invited me to Mallorca to help launch the Rafa Nadal Academy in 2016. Actually, I kind of invited myself. I knew you were too polite to insist on me being there, but I didn’t want to miss it. You have always been a role model for kids around the world, and Mirka and I are so glad that our children have all trained at your academies. They had a blast and learned so much — like thousands of other young players. Although I always worried my kids would come home playing tennis as lefties.
我很感謝你邀請我出席2016年馬略卡島的納達爾網球學院開幕儀式。事實上，我是不請自來。我知道你太客氣，不會堅持要我共襄盛舉。但我不想錯過。你一直是全世界孩子們的榜樣，米爾卡和我都很高興自己的孩子曾在你的學院訓練。他們在那裡玩得很盡興，也學到很多東西 — — 就像成千上萬其他年輕球員一樣。雖然我有點擔心他們會模仿你用左手打球。
And then there was London — the Laver Cup in 2022. My final match. It meant everything to me that you were there by my side — not as my rival but as my doubles partner. Sharing the court with you that night, and sharing those tears, will forever be one of the most special moments of my career.
最後要說到倫敦 — — 2022年的拉沃盃，我的引退戰。和你並肩站在球場上，不再以對手之姿 — — 而是雙打搭檔 — — 對我來說意義非凡。與你共赴球場，陪你老淚雙行，那一晚永遠會是我生涯中最特別的回憶之一。
Rafa, I know you’re focused on the last stretch of your epic career. We will talk when it’s done. For now, I just want to congratulate your family and team, who all played a massive role in your success. And I want you to know that your old friend is always cheering for you, and will be cheering just as loud for everything you do next.
Rafa，我知道你現在正專心準備職業生涯的最後階段。待一切結束，我們再促膝長談。現在，我只想祝賀你的家人和團隊，他們在你的成功路上扮演無可替代的角色。我也想讓你知道，老戰友永遠會為你加油，而且會帶著同樣的熱情為你往後的每一步喝采。
Rafa that! Best always, your fan,
Roger
