原來是我自作多情

我拿著逗貓棒一步步跟胖橘過招。牠名叫Bob，是朋友救援的一隻7歲橘貓。此刻的牠趴在地上似有若無地看著晃在眼前的懸吊物，我趴在沙發上使勁地甩著逗貓棒，手有夠痠。逗貓真是件吃力不討好的狠活，我如果在旁邊以第三人稱視角看我自己應該也會覺得自己很可笑，在這邊掏空自己跟貓消耗，貓還不是一樣愛理不理。要在這麼小的公寓讓貓得到足夠的運動量不是件容易的事，我剛剛才用雷射筆和牠玩了一回，牠對光點很敏感，一看到就會發瘋、來回追逐狂奔，貓科動物那原始的狩獵本能瞬間都出來了。但雷射筆是把雙面刃，雖然能輕易讓貓感到興奮，但如果都抓不到獵物會讓貓感到喪氣，而為了不讓牠們憂鬱，玩完雷射筆完後不能直接結束，得改用實體玩具（例如逗貓棒）再玩一陣、讓貓有確實捉到獵物的感覺，才能是完整的一回合。

從小家裡就是養狗，我對狗的習性瞭若指掌，對養狗的生活樣貌也比較有概念。經過這兩次幫忙照顧貓，雖然有體會到貓咪的療癒，但更多的還是體認到了自己雖然是個I人，比起貓人我應該還是更適合當一個狗人：兩個一起出門散步運動放電不是很好嗎，何苦每天在家裡互相消磨呢。如果真要養貓，最理想的狀態還是家裡要有個幾層樓、養兩隻以上讓牠們彼此追逐、互相消耗放電。完美。

照顧貓其實沒有比狗不花時間，早晚各一趟不只是要餵食鏟屎、還要陪玩抱抱提供情緒價值，耗費的時間每天三個小時起跳。上次照顧牠之後我本來想說再也不要擔下這活兒了，沒想到在牠主人回來後、我任務解除的隔天早上，意識到自己不再有這個committment的那刻，心裡頭突然感到一陣空空的：真想去看看那個小可愛啊。也許，這就是養小孩的感覺吧，大概就是這突然的一陣內心空騰，在18年的勞苦掛心之後。好像突然可以理解父母在子女離巢後的空巢期焦慮，一週的照顧就讓我長出這樣子的依戀，更何況是18年的朝夕相處呢。

但不得不說Bob其實真的是一隻偏狗的貓。我一直以為貓照理說應該非常獨立，不粘人不理人，你們兩個就像室友，誰也不過問誰。但Bob不是，每天我來餵牠，都覺得比起肚餓牠更多的是寂寞，當我坐在電腦桌前滑手機用電腦，牠會坐在椅子旁邊用牠那水汪汪的綠眼睛看著我，時不時地喵喵叫，還會伸手用爪抓椅緣，直到牠抓準一個時機縱身一躍跳上你大腿，自己喬一個姿勢安穩地窩著，抬頭看著你。我一邊撫摸一邊凝視著牠，沈浸在彼此熱切的迷濛眼神，心想這隻貓怎麼可以這麼親人，我從來沒有遇過這麼像狗一般黏人的貓。然後，前後大約差不多就3分鐘的時間，牠又縱深一躍走了，去旁邊做牠的事，好像剛剛一切什麼都沒發生過一樣。

原來終究是我自作多情，牠終究是一隻貓。

------- 對我而言，英文語境別有一番韻味。以下為我將文章以英文呈現：

I find myself wielding a cat teaser wand, trying hard to grab the chubby orange cat’s attention. His name is Bob, a 7-year-old orange cat rescued by a friend of Entrepreneur. At this moment, he lies on the floor, seemingly indifferent as he gazes at the dangling object hanging in front of him. I’m sprawled on the sofa, vigorously waving the cat teaser wand, my arms aching from the exertion. Playing with a cat is truly a labor-intensive and thankless endeavor. If I were to observe myself from a third-person perspective, I would likely find it quite amusing—here I am, exhausting myself in an attempt to entertain a creature that appears utterly uninterested. Ensuring that a cat gets enough exercise in such a small apartment is no small feat. Just moments ago, I engaged him with a laser pointer; he is incredibly sensitive to that elusive light spot and goes wild chasing it around, his primal hunting instincts igniting in an instant. However, the laser pointer is a double-edged sword; while it can easily excite cats, if they are unable to catch their “prey,” it may lead to feelings of frustration and despair. To prevent them from sinking into melancholy, it’s crucial to transition to physical toys (like the teaser wand) after the laser play session, allowing the cat to experience the satisfaction of actually catching something—this completes the playtime cycle.

Having grown up in a household with dogs, I am intimately familiar with their habits and have a clearer understanding of what dog ownership entails. After my two experiences caring for Bob, I have certainly felt the soothing presence that cats can offer; however, I have also come to realize that while I may identify as an introvert, compared to being a "cat person," I am undoubtedly more suited to being a "dog person." Isn’t it delightful to go out for walks together and exhaust ourselves together? Why must we spend each day at home wearing each other down? If I were ever to adopt a cat, living in a multi-story home and having at least two cats so they could chase one another and exhaust themselves in joyful play would be more of an ideal scenario. 

Caring for a cat does not require any less time than caring for a dog; morning and evening routines involve not only feeding and cleaning the litter box but also providing companionship through play and affection—time commitments that can easily add up to three hours or more each day. After my last stint caring for Bob, I initially thought that I would never want to take on such responsibilities again. Yet, on the morning after his owner returned and my obligation was lifted, I suddenly felt an unexpected emptiness washing over me when I realized that I no longer had that commitment, and how I longed to see that little cutie again. Perhaps this is what it feels like raising children—a sudden sense of inner void after 18 years of labor and concern. It seems I can now understand the anxieties that parents face after their children leave home; just one week of caregiving has fostered such attachment within me—how much more profound must it be after 18 years of daily companionship?

But I must admit that Bob is truly more akin to a dog than your typical cat. I always believed that cats were meant to be fiercely independent and aloof—like roommates who coexist without interference. Yet Bob defies this stereotype; every day when I come to feed him, it feels as though he craves companionship more than sustenance. As I sat at my desk using my laptop, he perched beside me on the chair with his big green eyes fixed intently upon me, occasionally letting out soft meows or scratching at the edge of the chair until he found just the right moment to leap onto my lap and settled comfortably there while gazing up at me with trustful eyes. As I stroked him gently and immersed myself in our shared gaze filled with warmth and affection, I marveled at how this cat can be so incredibly loving; I've never encountered such an affectionate feline before. Yet after merely three minutes of this tender connection, he leaped down and sauntered off to pursue his own interests as if nothing significant had transpired.

So after all, it’s all just me - my sentiments were perhaps just overly romanticized. He is, after all, just a cat.