小日記__無條件接受自己每個面貌

06.20 戌時，再次認出無條件接受自己每個面貌。犯錯軟弱愚蠢一次次也沒有關係。

習氣是感覺自己很蠢時再次犯錯時.就加重自責.認為自己不應該時就自責難受無地自容的感覺.然後就有愛的匱乏感與不知道我活在世界怎麼了.為什麼我活成這樣.為什麼我跟世界沒有連結.等等

剛才右手心也疼了.似乎觸到一個點.難道那些高敏感族或者憂鬱自殺的人也是這麼想的嗎?

如此容易自責.自絕於天地人之間.感受不到愛.只感受到黑暗的自責自虐.我的媽呀.

世界有很多無言的生命.(動物植物以及體內的生命)

我們靠心靈感應.互相溫慰.這比人更真實.

剛才回家前看到羅漢松欣欣向榮.祂們在狹仄的環境中活下來了(好像有陣亡一棵)並且在春天抽出新芽.好些嫩綠色的新葉子.

這世界有很多愛.比人更明顯.更懂得stay alive , strive to be happy.

謝謝祢們的鼓勵祢們的愛.

 

剛才泡澡灌腸時想到要對自己說的話

It's ok to be stupid , to know so little.

It's ok to make the same mistakes.

It's ok to know nothing about people.
It's ok to pretend to know something.
It's ok to feel hurt to shed tears to feel shameful.

It's ok to be vulnerable.

It's ok to feel disconnected with the family I love. (還是好傷心... they hide something from me)
It's ok to feel like an abandoned / lost child.

It's ok to love myself and set myself as the priority of the service.

It's ok to feel lonely and sad .

It's ok to feel angry toward people who didn't treat me nicely.

It's ok to be anything . 

It's ok to be selfish.

19:50 It's ok to love people more than they love me .