又挖又推 「孤獨怪手」金句連發爆紅

卡在蘇伊士運河近一週的長賜號，今晚(3.29)傳來成功上浮、繼而脫困的好消息，日夜在河岸開挖的小怪手，拯救全球經濟功不可沒。 小怪手駕駛開了一個名為「孤獨怪手」”Guy With The Digger At Suez Canal @SuezDiggerGuy“的Twitter帳號，除了及時向外界更新現場狀況外，幽默搞笑金句連發，在網路上爆紅。

還在blue嗎? 看看他的幽默金句吧。感謝所有參與救援的人，也祝他如願加薪成功。

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*上週二老闆來電，說「有艘船下的泥巴需要清一清，就醬子。」現在我覺得有很嚴重的誠信問題。 I got first call from my boss last Tuesday. "Just need to move some mud from under a boat, that's it" - he said. And now I have severe trust issues.

*這船像是我的前女友。我已竭盡所能擺脫她，但她就是不肯走。 This ship is like my Ex. I'm doing all I can to get her off. But she just wouldn't go!

*嗨! 剛想到個好主意。讓這艘船來個生酮減肥如何? 不行嗎? 太過份？好吧。 Yo! A splendid idea crossed my mind. Can we put this ship on keto diet? No? Bit too much? Okay.

*再過521個星期，長賜號上的船員們就可正式歸化為埃及公民了，耶！ 521 more weeks and the crew of Ever Given will be officially naturalised as Egyptian citizens. Yay!

*請不要再到處謠傳，說什麼吹牛老爹和葛蕾受邀在船脫困那天登船表演「我要回家了」好嗎? Please stop spreading rumours that P. Diddy and Skylar Grey have been invited to perform "I'm Coming Home" on the ship when it is dislodged.

*你知道小小的食物殘渣卡在牙縫時、不斷用舌頭剔牙的那種感覺嗎?我現在就是這種感覺。 Do you know that feeling when there's a teeny tiny food particle wedged in between teeth and you're continuously probing the area with your tongue trying to get it out? That's exactly what we are feeling right now.

*致被塞在運河的237艘船，嘜擱叭了。這艘船叭不動的。謝謝。 To all the 237 ships stranded in and around the canal, Please stop honking. Honking isn't gonna make the ship move. Thank you.

*這個怪咖如果再來蘇伊士運河，我需要至少一週的提前預告，好讓我先請假落跑。 If this monstrosity ever comes to Suez Canal, I'm gonna need atleast a week's notice so that I can apply for leave of absence and disappear.

*連續18小時不停的挖，到底是為了啥？要來打個盹兒了。晚安。明天繼續開工。只是明天我起床時，全球經濟應該又損失了40億美元，真是桑心。人總得睡覺。Digged non-stop for 18 hours and for what!? Off to take a quick nap in the digger. Good night yal. We'll start again tomorrow. Saddest thing is, by the time I wake up, global economy must have lost another $4 bn. Man's gotta sleep.

*最近一年來，這是我第一次沒有整天想著新冠…但病毒還在、就像這艘船。 For the first time in last one year, I spent an entire day without thinking or talking about Covid-19. But it's still there, just like this ship.

*等一切結束後，要向老闆要求加薪70%。現在我都還不確定老婆是否在家等我。Will be asking for 70% raise in my salary when this is all done. Right now I'm not even sure if my wife is waiting for me at home.

*工作績效考核快到了，這下我可有得說了。 I got a lot of things to say in my upcoming performance review meeting.

*收工休息前，打個電話給老闆報告進度。我試著提醒他加薪，結果不知為何，老闆聽不清楚我說什麼、然後電話斷線。我明天再打。 Just now gave a final status update to my boss before I take a short break. I tried reminding him of salary raise at the end but due to some reason he couldn't hear what I was saying and the call disconnected. Will try again tomorrow.

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以上摘自”Guy With The Digger At Suez Canal @SuezDiggerGuy“ https://twitter.com/SuezDiggerGuy