Alyson’s 4/07 Tarot：死亡 Death (9-57)
問題：我4/06的未來日記主題
抽牌：死亡 Death
今天的塔羅牌是我未來日記第二週的主題：死亡Death。
死亡，對我來說，很多時候，不是肉身是否存在。
死亡，對我來說，大部分時，是心，是靈魂，是意識是否已不在。
https://www.popdaily.com.tw/forum/diary/1491961
曾經，不只一次，我問 ~
為何，我在這世上？
為何，我還在這世上？
既然讓我活著，為何要把我很愛的人都帶走？
既然讓我活在，為何讓我沒能擁有很愛的人，而對方也很愛我？
去年認識的朋友說，在相識過程中，他看到我的努力，但認為沒看到我的盡力，即使是面對朋友，我都像是保有大部分的清醒，沒因友情而感到微醺。
我微笑以對。
心，早已支離破碎，已無餘心可盡力。
一次一次被人辜負的重傷。
一次一次家人離去的心傷。
傷痕累累，還有一些心力讓我苟延殘喘的活著。
我休著長假。
不明白的人好生羨慕。
家人好友是心疼呵護。
他們理解，我在試著原諒自己。
他們懂得，我在盡情釋放自己。
他們包容，我在允許任性自己。
他們明白，我在辛苦拼湊自己。
他們體諒，我在努力修復自己。
經歷過類似死亡的心情，很多事情，不再憂鬱。
在死亡的面前，還有什麼，足以為懼。
死神說，別哭泣！
你們人間看似無常，宇宙運作有法則，只是人們不懂，當然人們也不需太懂。
天災不是禍，是造物主的提醒，是老天的提醒。
人們看似有情，其實是最冷漠，最無情，最自私的。
人，何時能贏過天？勝過天？
天底下，宇宙間，從來就沒有在論輸贏。
萬物，共生，共存，共好。
這是造物主的呼喚。
可，人，卻老是想要拚勝敗，爭英雄。
宇宙裡的奧秘能量，此消彼長，平衡是秩序。
死亡是自然。
蛻變是自然。
失落是自然。
失去是自然。
釋放是自然。
我在一次又一次愛的呼喚中，清醒。
我在一圈又一圈愛的意識裡，修復。
我在一池又一池愛的池水裡，生息。
我在一個又一個愛的浸潤裡，愛著。
於是，在愛的迴旋中，一邊的愛消弭，另一邊的愛滋長，平衡了。
今日我的「未來日記」，呼應著「死亡」。
今天跟老友們前往秘境探巡。
經歷了看著地圖依然找不到店家的窘境。
看著路邊一畝畝的菜，巧遇主人，一起聊天拔菜。
小吃店裡的辣蘿蔔讓人吃驚，老闆娘說喜歡，送一些給妳們回家吃。
想去行走步道，卻找不到路口，結果，我們早就已在步道上卻不知。
一路與偶遇的人群聊聊天，笑笑鬧鬧。
抬頭看似快要成為下雨天，下山找熱咖啡喝去。
一回頭，憑空出現停車格，迴轉，倒車，入庫，一切順利。
咖啡廳裡的氛圍輕鬆愜意。
一杯咖啡，一個貝果，一客布丁，胃飽心滿足。
又遇店家活動送餅乾，一人一包伴手禮。
我因陌生人的善而開心。
我因朋友的愛而幸福。
我因一切眾緣，善緣而欣喜。
死亡之後，是什麼？
是改變。
是演進。
是釋放。
是放下。
是重生。
是自由。
是對新的旅程，從心底感到期待的渴望。
而至此，應該明瞭，〝死亡〞與〝希望〞的主體可能是一樣，但卻是一前一後的連續性。
是造物主讓人們的崇高意識生生不息的安排。
Alyson's 4/07 Tarot: Death (9-57)
Question: The theme of my future diary on 4/06
Card Drawn: Death
Today's tarot card is the theme for the second week of my future diary: Death.
Death, for me, often isn't about the physical presence.
Death, for me, most of the time, is about whether the heart, the soul, the consciousness are still there.
I've asked more than once:
Why am I in this world?
Why am I still in this world?
If you let me live, why take away the people I love?
If you let me live, why not let me have the one I love dearly, who loves me back?
A friend I met last year said that during our acquaintance, he saw my efforts but felt he didn't see me giving my all.
Even in front of friends, I seemed to retain most of my clarity, not even slightly intoxicated by friendship.
I smiled in response.
The heart had long been shattered, with no remnants left to give.
Repeatedly wounded by betrayal.
Repeatedly hurt by the departure of family.
Scarred, yet with some strength left to cling to life.
I'm on an extended break.
Those who don't understand envy me.
Family and friends are tender and caring.
They understand that I'm trying to forgive myself.
They know that I'm releasing myself.
They accept that I'm allowing myself to be willful.
They understand that I'm painstakingly piecing myself together.
They empathize with my efforts to heal myself.
Having experienced emotions akin to death, many things no longer depress me.
In the face of death, what else is there to fear?
The Grim Reaper says, "Don't cry!
To you humans, things seem capricious, but the universe operates on laws; it's just that people don't understand, and of course, they don't need to understand too much.
Natural disasters aren't curses; they're reminders from the Creator, reminders from Heaven.
People seem sentimental, but they're actually the most indifferent, the most heartless, the most selfish.
When can people win over the heavens?
Conquer the heavens?
In this world, in the universe, there has never been a debate about winning or losing.
All things, coexist, thrive together, for the greater good.
This is the call of the Creator.
Yet, people always want to fight battles, vie for heroism."
The mysterious energy of the universe, ebb and flow, balance is order.
Death is natural.
Transformation is natural.
Loss is natural.
Letting go is natural.
Release is natural.
In the repeated calls of love, I am awake.
In the circles of love's consciousness, I am repairing.
In the pools of love's water, I am thriving.
In the immersion of love, I am loving.
Thus, in the whirl of love, as one love diminishes, another flourishes, achieving balance.
Today in my "future diary," it echoes "Death."
Today, I went with old friends to explore a hidden place.
Experienced the embarrassment of still not finding the shop despite looking at the map.
Stumbled upon the owner while admiring the vegetables by the roadside, chatting and picking vegetables together.
The spicy radish in the snack shop surprised me; the landlady said she liked it and gave us some to take home.
Wanted to walk the trail but couldn't find the entrance, turns out we had already been on the trail without realizing it.
Chatted and laughed with the people we encountered along the way.
Looked like it was about to rain, so we went down the mountain to find hot coffee.
Turned around and found a parking space out of nowhere, reversed, parked, everything went smoothly.
The atmosphere in the coffee shop was relaxed and cozy.
A cup of coffee, a bagel, a serving of pudding, stomach full and heart content.
And then encountered a shop promotion giving out cookies, one pack per person.
I'm happy because of the kindness of strangers.
I'm happy because of the love of friends.
I'm joyful because of all the connections, the good karma.
What comes after death?
It's change.
It's evolution.
It's release.
It's letting go.
It's rebirth. It's freedom.
It's the eager anticipation from the depths of the heart for a new journey.
And by now, it should be clear that "death" and "hope" may share the same essence, but they are sequential, one before the other.
It's the arrangement by the Creator to keep people's noble consciousness perpetually alive.
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