卡陰記(5)

2021六月

寫到卡陰的事，我記得我有幾次沒記憶，然後從沙發上面醒來的事。[1] 剛去看之前的行事曆，發現我在六月的時候記錄了三次blackout，分別是5號（下午十二點到三點半），14號（上午十一點15分左右到下午五點58分）[2]，18號下午12點到 9點）[3]。

六月十四號那天，我不知道發生什麼事。我快晚上六點的時候從沙發上醒來。當時我坐在沙發上，我有意識的時候，我想要知道現在幾點，我人在哪裡。我不知道是睜開眼睛，還是只是意識回來，我看到我左腳襪子。我不確定我在哪裡，我開始左看右看、左看右看，我看到沙發，貓跳檯，看了不知道多久後，我確定我是在自已家客廳，然後我想要知道現在幾點。我走過去我的電腦，當時是下午五點五十八分。

我趕快打開Gatorade，喝了半瓶。

後來我就去找我的手機。我走到廚房，後來看到Oscar，他叫我，我把他抱起來。可憐的小朋友，他不知道看到了什麼。平常我在哪裡他就在哪裡。那天我在客廳，他卻在廚房。我有點印象，我好像在跳檯的旁邊的地上掙扎了一段時間。後來隔幾天我看到跳台上面有一個手印，應該是那天我在那邊也許想要站好之類的吧？

我去廚房的時候，發現了一件事，讓我很傻眼，就是我平常放在客廳茶几下面的毛毯，居然在廚房的窗戶旁邊。也就是說，我剛才不是在睡覺，而是有在客廳、廚房走來走去。

我從客廳醒來。毛毯在廚房，表示我先前已經從客廳去過廚房一次。我好像有一點印象我在那個角落，也許是去櫃子那邊拿東西什麼的。

後來我繼續找手機。我上樓去浴室看看，並沒有看到什麼。後來下樓，回廚房找。在烤箱旁邊找到我的手機、iPad。

也就是說，我應該是早上十一點多，正要做午餐的時候，失去了意識。因為我平常要煮飯的時候，會把我的iPad靠著烤箱，然後用我手機放在前面撐著。洗碗機、水糟裡都沒有用過或洗過的鍋碗瓢盆，表示我中午還沒吃。

我還來不及做飯，我就因為血糖太低，而失去意識。

那時候我想，我應該快點去看個醫生，因為我正低血糖，可以看看到底有什麼問題。但，我又怕因為自已低血糖，不知道能不能開車。

後來我想，反正我家離最近的Urgent Care開車不到十分鐘，所以我就自已開車去了Urgent Care。

那邊的醫生看了我的EKG(心電圖)，說沒事，但交待我可以去檢查看看心臟有沒有問題(?!!!)。[4]

那時候我感到很難過，很挫折，也很害怕。因為，我好像愈來愈常沒有記憶。

六月18號那天，我哥哥去看醫生，他癌症復發。我記得那天要問他醫生怎麼說。那天我們三兄妹在LINE上面聽哥哥說他的情況。

我記得那時聊天時，我有記得要去拿一瓶Gatorade來喝，但當下沒有打開來喝。桌上咖啡是有加糖的，所以我喝了一口。[5]後來因為小朋友們要看Oscar，我走到樓梯那邊。後來我覺得自已很虛弱，感覺好像前幾天在看mountain bike的影片時一樣，我覺得我好像有點沒有意識。

後來十點多的時候，哥哥妹妹的小孩都要洗澡了。所以我們掛了電話。那天我有一段時間沒有任何記憶。

[1] 第一次寫這段話是2021年十月24日。

[2] 我行事曆上面當天我留的記錄：wake up sometime before 5:58 judging from my computer screen wake up from sofa, sitting upright, seeing my sock, right foot i think. trying to locate myself and my cat can't find my cellphone/ipad go to kitchen to find my cellphone and ipad, can't find it, my cat finds me. i find my blanket near the kitchen window, which is weird i am not sure what happened found it near my countertop oven at 6:03, evidence that I was trying to prepare for lunch.

[3] 我行事曆上面當天我留的記錄wake up sometime after 9 pm, shocked to see that it is getting darker outside I remember having a conversation with my family via line, my brother has a doctor's visit today and we talk about his treatment, Oscar was sleeping/lying on the stairway so I had the conversation with them on the stairway, so that they can see him and the kids can see him. and when I was showing them Oscar I remember that there was once when I probably blacked out on the stairway, and this particular thought reminds me of getting Gatorade. However I don't think I drink it as the bottle is still unopened, and I remember I drank coffee instead. I remember I talked to Tracy before talking to my family, and she asks how my brother is doing and I mentioned to her that he visits the doctor today (Friday) and I am going to give him a call. After we hung up I call my brother via Line, and there's some problem with the internet connection, likely my own internet, and at the end, my brother set up a call so that he, me, and my sister can all talk on the phone. It is nice to see most of them, as my mother lives with my brother and his family. I see my brother's wife and their two kids as well. I also see my sister's two boys. Didn't see the girl and her husband because they were watching TV and my sister goes to a bedroom to talk. I remember setting up my Google calendar for classes in the Fall semester. i remember going to sofa to rest. I don't remember having lunch. and I probably didn't have lunch because there's no clean or dirty dishes. I likely went to the kitchen because I see that I took out one pot from the drawer beneath the oven.

[4] 有一個人一直低血糖，你們不覺得她血糖有問題，而是大腦、心理、睡眠、心臟有問題!

[5] 我後來發現，茶跟咖啡在我身上有很強大的降血糖功能。