For the English version, please scroll down.
[作為一開始，就來個「訂閱付費版會有什麼樣的內容？」的試閱篇！]
致訂閱者們,
其實蠻久以前就想做訂閱制，那個久是久到Patreon（美國訂閱制平台）台灣的大家都還不知道，台灣訂閱制平台還沒出現時，我對工程師專業的朋友興致勃勃地說「誒！台灣是不是也能做這個？」提出可不可能一起做的想法然而對方光是聽到開頭就興致缺缺並直說我粉絲量那麼少不要還想這種方式不會有人跟你走（聽起來有點酸，但其實人家說的是事實，我感謝他！！！當時如果真的做，可能就真的就0人follow，會變成做心酸的，這麼多年來，接受了自己就是那麼地平凡並不是多具有號召力的人ＱvＱ），而我也沒有對做平台有熱忱到找陌生人實行。在當時，由於很老派的想寄給訂閱者的東西是實體的，如果建立在國外的平台，成本會很高，各種想法就這麼中止了（也在社群上看到，有人會覺得，收到作者手寫的小卡，反而是一種雖然覺得很用心但並不想收到的東西...也就在近年打消了寄送實體回饋品的念頭）
而後沒多久，台灣的各平台也開始做起了訂閱制，諸如vocus & CXC ，但自己即便也註冊了台灣的平台，也遲遲只開啟了自由抖內，沒定期訂閱的選項，即便是現在，也想說還是就開一個階層就好了，只分出免費的內容跟付費兩類，不敢做出太多的承諾（身為並非專職創作、並不多產的人，與能夠專職多產的創作者相比，內容量恐怕會令訂閱者失望...）
也有種，隱約發覺也許，自己說不定就是因為也仍舊在對付自己的配得感問題（時常在我好棒跟我好爛之間開合跳、我畫這些寫這些對其他人來說有意義嗎？我的存在值得大家追蹤嗎？......etc.——腦子時不時會閃現各種，對沒有配得感議題的人而言，根本毫無意義的內耗）
那麼第一篇就來聊聊“配得感”吧
「配得感」
源自心理學的概念，指一個人是否對自己本身感到值得（打自內心相信自己配得上美好的人事物，不需要用其他外在的條件去證明）
一個擁有高配得感的人，會有自信（有時可能還會有過度自負的）、有底氣，敢於爭取自己的權利與追求幸福
一個低配得感的人，會覺得自己配不上美好事物，時常自我否定（嚴重的話甚至會有自傷者、做出自我破壞的行為）、怕虧欠人（難以開口要求合理待遇）、自我設限（內耗、自我懷疑）
在跟朋友聊天聊地時，也曾討論過這個問題，可能是物以類聚吧！當時聊天的朋友跟我都是低配得感的人（想簡單測試大家也可以搜尋「配得感測驗」）當然的，這也跟我們是怎麼成長的有關係，來自什麼樣的原生家庭、是怎麼被對待長大的......etc.
而關於所有來自原生家庭的創傷、沒被家長好好養育長大的，最後我一率都建議 ：「自己，重新把自己養一遍。」
雖然以配得感測驗來說，正在重新養育自己的我，目前也只是從不及格進步到60分
但這招無疑是，有效而且持續帶給我正向影響的
(至少也是從不及格成長到到達及格線了對吧？)
那麼我們該如何重新把自己養育成有配得感的人呢？
可以採取幾招
首先，我們先在前面那段認識清楚配得感是什麼東西了
於是，可以開始有意識的（認知重建）：
自我肯定與接納：在自己自我否定時，意識到自己正在自我否定，請轉頭去承認並看見自己的優點、也接納自己的缺點
紀錄那些美好：記錄自己有小成就與美好的瞬間，用實體物理性地累積「我值得」的證據
成為實踐者：透過實際行動（即使小到去泡一杯咖啡），建立「我做得到」的正面經驗
面對讚美：練習坦然的接受他人的讚美（不要再擺手說沒有啦沒有啦我沒那麼棒啦，而是學著對別人的讚美展開笑顏說謝謝）
區分「不配」與「不適合」：更加客觀的去看待，所有的錯失到底屬於哪一種，識別「我以為」與「事實是」的不同，比如你以為「我只有努力工作，才值得休息。」（不配得感），但事實是「休息是身為人身為生物的基本權，跟工作多勞動與否無關。」用事實去拆解掉過去的舊信念
如果以上都沒有效，你的低配得感仍然太深沉，那麼你值得對外求助，尋求專業諮商等的支持
啊是的，如果付費訂閱的你們會得到什麼？在AI時代盛行，難以分辨哪些內容來自人類的心血，哪些來自組合屍塊的時代，一個活生生人類，難以用清晰條列的表現，反倒是模糊一團的面貌，一個真實的人類、在短短的幾十年內就會消逝的生命中，時好時壞、糾結著掙扎著、或生存、或生活的，過程，在這個造假、被偷盜的內容像雪花般滿天飛還更被多人盛讚高傳播的時代，煙花般地真人試圖原始創作的內容，反而將會是那個真正有價值的了，對吧？
＊下一篇會聊聊為什麼我的角色ＩＰ是半獸
＊如果有人對於為什麼費用不是整數感到疑惑，因為作者實在不知道怎麼定價才好，迷惑到直接往玄學去找，看哪些是吉數，就直接用了，醬！
Dear subscribers,
I actually wanted to launch a subscription model a long time ago. That 'long time' was so long ago that when everyone in Taiwan still hadn't heard of Patreon (an American subscription platform), and before any Taiwanese subscription platforms had even appeared, I excitedly asked my friend who is an engineer, 'Hey! Could we do this in Taiwan too?' and suggested the idea of potentially collaborating on it.
However, my friend lost interest just hearing the beginning, and even flat-out told me that with such a small following, I shouldn't even consider this method because no one would follow me (It sounded a bit harsh, but they were speaking the truth. Over the years, I've accepted that I'm not a person with strong appeal or charisma).
Furthermore, I didn't have enough passion for building a platform to go searching for strangers to implement it.
At the time, because I had an old-fashioned idea of sending physical items to subscribers, using an overseas platform would have resulted in high costs. All these ideas were thus put on hold. (I also saw comments on social media that some people feel receiving a small handwritten card from the creator, while thoughtful, is actually something they don't want to receive... so in recent years, I've also dropped the idea of sending physical rewards.)
Not long after, various platforms in Taiwan also started offering subscription models, such as vocus and CXC. Even though I registered on these Taiwanese platforms, only enabled the optional donation feature and held back from creating regular subscription tiers.
Even now, I still feel that just having one paid tier is enough, only distinguishing between free and paid content. I am hesitant to make too many commitments (As someone who is not a full-time, prolific creator, the volume of my content might disappoint subscribers compared to dedicated and high-output creators...).
There is also a subtle realization that perhaps I am still struggling with my own sense of deservingness (constantly oscillating between 'I'm great' and 'I'm terrible'; 'Does what I write and draw hold any meaning for others?'; 'Is my presence worth following?'... etc.—My mind constantly flashes with this pointless internal conflict that would be meaningless to someone without issues of deservingness).
Then, let's make the very first post about 'The Sense of Deservingness / Worthiness.'
Sense of Deservingness / Worthiness is a concept derived from psychology, referring to an individual's innate feeling of being worthy (sincerely believing they deserve good things, without needing external conditions to prove it).
A person with a high sense of deservingness is confident (sometimes potentially overconfident or arrogant) and self-assured, daring to fight for their rights and pursue happiness.
A person with a low sense of deservingness feels they are unworthy of good things and often engages in self-negation (in severe cases, this can lead to self-harm or self-sabotage), afraid of owing others (finding it difficult to ask for reasonable treatment), and self-limits (leading to internal conflict and self-doubt).”
When chatting casually with friends, this issue has also come up. Perhaps it's a case of birds of a feather flocking together. The friends I was talking to at the time and I both had low senses of deservingness. (For a simple test, everyone can also search for 'worth / deservingness test' online.)
Naturally, this is also related to how we grew up—which kind of family of origin we came from, and how we were treated while growing up, et cetera.
Regarding all the trauma that stems from the family of origin and the lack of proper nurturing from parents, my ultimate advice is always this: "Re-parent yourself.”
Although, based on the Sense of Deservingness Test, I've only progressed from a failing score to 60 points while actively re-parenting myself.
Undoubtedly, however, this strategy is both effective and continues to bring me positive influence."At least I've grown from a failing score to a passing score, haven't I?"
So, based on today's topic, how should we go about re-parenting ourselves to become individuals with a strong sense of deservingness?
We can adopt several strategies.
Firstly, since we have already clearly understood what the sense of deservingness is from the previous section, we can now begin the process of conscious (Cognitive Restructuring).
Self-Affirmation and Acceptance: When you find yourself engaging in self-negation, become conscious of it, and then deliberately pivot to acknowledge and see your strengths, as well as accept your shortcomings.
Document the Goodness: Keep a record of your small achievements and beautiful moments. Physically accumulate the evidence that 'I am worthy' (or 'I deserve it’).
Become an Executor/Practitioner: Establish positive experiences of 'I can do this' through practical actions (even if they are as small as making a cup of coffee).
Handle Praise: Practice openly accepting compliments from others. (Instead of waving your hands and saying 'No, no, I’m not that great,' learn to smile and say thank you in response to someone’s praise.)
Differentiate 'Unworthy' from 'Unsuitable': Adopt a more objective view to determine which category a missed opportunity or mistake truly belongs to. You must differentiate between 'I assume' and 'The fact is.'
For example, you might assume: 'I only deserve rest if I work hard' (Unworthy/Low Deservingness).
But the fact is: 'Rest is a fundamental human (or biological) right, regardless of the amount of labor performed'. Use the facts to dismantle past limiting beliefs.
If none of the above steps prove effective, and your sense of low deservingness remains too deep-seated, then you are worthy of seeking external help and support, such as professional consultation or therapy.
So, what will you get from a paid subscription?
In this age of prevalent AI, where it’s difficult to distinguish which content is the hard work of a human and which comes from 'combined meat' (a mashup of sources), a living, breathing human being whose essence is hard to express clearly, often appearing as a vague jumble—a genuine human whose life will vanish within a few short decades, constantly struggling, good days and bad days, just surviving or truly living. In this era where fabricated and stolen content flies around like snowflakes and is praised for its high virality, the firework-like original content created by a real person will instead be the truly valuable thing, right?
＊"In my next post, I’ll be sharing why my original characters (OCs) are half-beast form.
＊In case you’re curious why the price looks a bit random: I honestly didn’t know how to price it, got overwhelmed, consulted numerology, chose a lucky number, and called it a day.
