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Two different attitudes toward studying can result in two completely opposite feelings and outcomes. It all depends on how you view English: as a subject or as a language?
To be honest, I would say that Taiwan's English education is not ideal. After 12 years of studying, even students with full scores on their university entrance exams can't guarantee that they are capable of easily holding a basic conversation with foreigners.
Among my friends, those who have better grades in English exams don't speak as naturally as I do. Not to boast, but to point out the atmosphere and incorrect mindset towards studying, caused by deviating cultural values. While scores may seem to represent everything, we are missing out on the opportunity to study something essential because tests and studying are two different things.
In tests, answers can be generated through various means, whether calculated, considered, or guessed. We can only evaluate every student by their results, not the process.
Studying is the process. The time we spend translates into knowledge we acquire. Specifically, we don't learn the same things, even if we read the same book. Inspiration and growth are specific to each person because we always use the present to respond to our past and then form our imagination for the future.
Let me share an experience where I couldn't express what was on my mind while chatting with an Indian friend. I met this guy after entering university, and I believe he is the one who reignited my motivation to study English. We were deciding what to have for lunch outside of school. After ordering in a hotpot restaurant, I tried to bring up topics about India, such as the caste system, current development, social issues, and so on. He shared what he knew and tried his best to explain it to me since I wasn't able to understand quickly, partly because of the accent. However, when it came to sharing about my family, Taiwan's culture, and the Buddhist school I had studied in for 5 years, I found it difficult to articulate the words I had learned to make him understand. That day was tough for me. I mean, the lunchtime conversation was enjoyable, but I felt ashamed. Not only because I couldn't speak well, but also because I couldn't share what I find beautiful with him. Therefore, a thought came to mind: I am going to enhance my English ability to the next level. I am serious!
The progression of practicing was anything but smooth. I felt really upset during the first few weeks of trying. My brain was overwhelmed by comprehending sentences from my friends' mouths. Then I had no energy to think about what I was going to say, let alone finding substitute words to explain phrases I didn't know how to say. I gave up. I thought maybe I was just not good at it. Perhaps I had reached my limit. That's all. Nonetheless, the conversation began to flow in English every night before I fell asleep. Night after night, I rehearsed hundreds of occasions. Gradually, I could speak with less hesitation. I started making some silly jokes, being more courageous to speak out even when I wasn't very certain. The sense of achievement slowly grew, especially after sharing viewpoints that I value or speaking a long sequence of words. That feels awesome! That is why I study English!
The journey of exploring myself has been ongoing since I was still an elementary school student. At present, the answer to my future career is that I am eventually more proficient in humanities than STEM. I hope that the cultivation right now can help me build up strength and assist me in finding jobs that interest me and are also in my field in the future.