筆記：before sunset

i feel i was never able to forget anyone i've been with,
because each person had their own specific qualities.


you can never replace anyone.
what is lost is lost.
each relationshhip, when it end, really damages me.
i never fully recover. that's why i'm very careful with getting involved...because it hurts too much.
even getting laid, i actually don't do that...
because i will miss of the person the most mundane things.


like i'm obsessed with little things.
maybe i'm crazy, but when i was a little girl, my mom told me that i was always late to school. one day she followed me to see why. i was looking at chestnuts, falling from the trees, rolling on the sidewalk ...or ants crossing the road, the way a leaf casts a shadow on a tree trunk.
little things.


i think it's the same with people.
i see in them little details, so specific to each of them,
that move me and i miss and will always miss.


you can never replace anyone.
because everyone is made of such beautiful, specific details.