一场春梦
I had a spring dream a few days ago. I really hesitated whether I shall write it down and share it with you. But after struggling for some time, overcoming mountains of guilt and shame, I decided to give it a go. I am ready to venture the storms.
In the dream, one of my Year 12 classmates visited me, here in Australia, with another girl, whose face was blurring in the dream. I could not recognise that stranger’s face. I even did not bother to cast my eyes toward her, for my eyes fixated all the time at my classmate, I was so thrilled to see her again. To me greatest admiration, my classmate looked still as young as the schoolgirl thirty-four years ago, in which year, the Tiananmen square student demonstration occurred.I could not hold my breath to believe,that, time did not work for this girl.
But once my wife had left the house to work, I promptly shut the door. Noticing the other girl had went to the toilet, or hid somewhere, I grabbed my classmate, whose nickname was the little fox, and held her fast in my breast. She simply did not protest and let me do to my heart’s content.
What a bold man I turned into. My hands greedily groped over her tender and soft body, starting first from her legs, and then moved smoothly upwards like a crawling snake.
I was in a total trance.
When the hand managed to climb into the white small tight bra, and with a single touch upon the little nipple, oh, my gosh, the sperms of joy, all in fierce competition, fearlessly sprayed out, like a springing fountain,from the bottom valve of my swelling little brother.
That high excitement was totally beyond my control, and it was totally beyond my comprehension. I was lost, losing myself, reducing my body and my individuality into a nil.
These little lovely tadpoles, thousands of them, all rushed like a cavalry unit, charging forward and forward, and dashed toward the foe. When they were all discharged, I woke up and realised that it was a dream.
I could not forget about the dream, and wondered why it occurred to me. I am already a middle aged man. A few more years later, I will be sixty years old, a clear signal to call me an old man. I have long thought that I have already bid farewell to that kind of things. Why do I still crave for it? Even in the form of a dream.
Recently I started to practise Qigong again, with the hope to relax, to meditate, to find a place where there was a different world. But with my eyes closed, my mind wandered in the Qi’s world, a world fully immersed with nature, in the Taoist path of living, so peaceful and tranquil, that I soon forgot my existence, but my goodness, the smiling faces of R and K intruded and I had a difficult time not slipping into the fantasies of having intimacy with the two sisters. I had to open my eyes to clear it away, and tried in vain to drive them away, but to no avail. I had to give up practising Qigong.
These things are not of my own willing or my own choosing. They came without my awareness. I could NOT prevent them happening to me. I thought as I grew older, they would also disappear too.
