當秀遇見Maharaja(上)

｢今天早上，小青在Maharaja的面前哭得好慘喔！｣2013年3月29日，星期五，妻在高鐵站一接到我就說。我們不先回家而直奔潭子Lalita住處，因為妻想拜為Guru的Kesava Bharati Dasa Goswami Maharaja(以下均稱Maharaja)今晚住在那裡，她要去為他做奉愛服務─烹調Prasadam晚餐。2009年初見Maharaja即淚如泉湧而不能自已的妻，當然很能體會小青心中澎湃的靈性情感，說不定小青的｢感應｣，多少受到妻對她講述自身經驗的｢啟發｣哩。

Maharaja在Lalita家見到我，十分高興，特要我們和他一起用餐，餐後，還不顧白日勞頓，講了一段經典，他並特別提到早上小青的痛哭，表現的是心的柔軟，但要培養出真正的Krishna意識，則必需經過長久而持續的努力，那是一種紀律，他至今仍不敢一日鬆懈，4月6日早上在我家，他召集我與妻、Shyama與初一做較深入的談話，再次強調這一點，並取出隨身的一本小冊子，裡面逐日記載起床唸誦的時間與靈性思維的吉光片羽。

【2013/4/5下午在JB家接見奉獻者。左下角的小青，是JB親表妹，天生的素食者，但因生在農家，自小被迫吃肉，痛苦不堪。她一直在靈性之路上尋尋覓覓，近日才經由妻找到奉愛。】

【2013/3/29，在已受啟迪的Lalita家，Maharaja特召大家一起吃飯。】

【飯後Maharaja不辭旅途勞頓，小講了一段薄伽梵歌中的啟示。】

妻第一次見到Maharaja是2009年2月在Shyama家，像觸電般深深被他的一言一行吸引，產生的強烈共振潰決了淚堤；隔年4月妻赴印度從事奉愛之旅，竟又與他在哥爾瓦當山的修行處不期而遇，當下｢盪氣迴腸｣，眼睛｢出汗｣不止。這兩次｢巧遇｣，傳達出一個訊息，亦即自2003年沉浮奉愛之海以來，第一次明確望見了｢啟迪之光｣，她決心拜Maharaja為靈性導師。

｢……I sincerely ask Maharaja to accept me as your disciple. I would like to take shelter of you and serve you all my life. By your mercy, I may be able to get back to Godhead……｣

2012年5月28日，妻寫了這封真誠卻難免充滿｢行話｣的信，委請Shyama翻譯後mail給Maharaja。然而據說他收受門徒是非常審慎的，尤其女門徒。2012年，閉關著書3個寒暑後，Maharaj再度周遊列國，傳播奉愛哲學，6月5日下午來到Shyama家，對他的蒞臨如大旱之望雲霓的妻，慎重地披上沙麗，點畫Tilak，於講課開始前，在敬拜房由Shyama口譯，正式請求Maharaj 為她啟迪，當二人正進行｢試探｣問答時，應妻請求於下班後趕到的我，被小曼打開房門一把推了進去，Maharaja看到我，瞪大眼睛，像看見了｢那個光｣，當聽Shyama介紹我是秀的husband時，搖著頭露出｢不可置信｣的神情：｢Wow！Miracle！Miracle！這就是Krsna的仁慈！｣Maharaj說：｢我心裡正在想著應該問問秀的先生對這件事抱著什麼態度時？你就出現了！｣他的宛如碰到｢天啟｣的反應，讓我覺得，妻已經當定了他的門徒。對他一再強調的Miracle，我說：｢也許因為最近我正在讀聖典薄伽瓦譚吧！｣關於我的｢態度｣，則回答：｢雖然我不是奉獻者，但對秀的決定完全支持！｣由於並不十分清楚｢行規｣，我回話時均以Guru稱之，後來妻指正我，只有經過啟迪後才能稱Maharaj為Guru的，但她認為這是一個｢吉兆｣。

【2012/6/5在Shyama家見到Maharaja時，我正在讀的Srimad-Bhagavatam濃縮版。】

【2012/6/5在Shyama家，就座準備開講的Maharaja。】

【2012/6/5在Shyama家，講課前必先唱誦Krsna的聖名。】

【2012/6/5在Shyama家，講課中的問答，這次玉冠應妻之請也參加了，照片中雙手合十者即是。】

【2012/6/5在Shyama家，講課後享用prasadam時，Maharaja微笑看著在地上爬行的張永村的兒子Rada。】

在任何宗教中，一個真正的獻身者，在決定終生投入以前，多少會受到某種｢天啟｣吧！2013年4月，Maharaj第3次來台，5日晚住在家裡，隔天早上，召集我與妻、Shyama與初一，做較深入的談話，就提到了他踏上靈性之路的歷程，那時他20出頭，對人生懷有許多疑問，一天，在街頭閒晃，遇到有人派書，他隨手翻開，讀到的一段恰好解開困擾心中已久的迷惑，當下淚流不止，但他不知如何去聯絡這個團體，過了一段時間，在另一個城市的某個公園，他又遇到同樣裝扮的人在發傳單，便趨前請教，那人回答：｢聖Prabhupada正好要來演講，過來聽吧！｣他看著傳單，全身顫抖，再度流淚不止，從此堅定的走上奉愛之途。｢就像 Srila Prabhupada在70高齡一無所有的去到美國傳播這門靈性的科學，我也是一無所有，但卻能走遍世界繼續傳播，一旦你全心臣服，Krishna就會為你指引道路。｣

【2013/4/6早上在JB家，Kalindi特從三義趕來，請Maharaja為她解惑。隨後Maharaja召集我與妻、Shyama與初一做較深入的談話。】

【2013/4/6晨，在JB家享用prasadam早餐的Shyama與初一。】

即使內心決定收為門徒，也不會馬上進行，還要經過一段時間的｢試煉｣。2012年6月，Maharaja離台後，妻透過mail與她心目中的Guru｢連結｣。

｢…… "Separation is full of sorrows." This is what I talked to my daughter when I drove her to the airport, which brought me back to the feelings of separation three months ago when I saw you off at the airport…….｣

2012年9月12日的mail中，妻如此充滿孺慕之情的寫道。

｢……It's certainly true that absence makes the heart grow fonder……

Maharaja相應的回答，當然，這只佔很小的一部份，信件的主要內容在於修習靈性生活的問答或討論：

｢……As soon as I began to get your association, I notice I have been transformed obviously in three aspects:

1) I am able to chant and study the scriptures regularly and steadily. It was very difficult for me to do my sadhana steadily because my tricky mind used to find all kinds of excuses to divert me from it and made me loose in my sadhana.

Now chanting and studying Srila Prabhupada's books become the priority in my everyday life.

……Very good. Our routine work of rising early and hearing and chanting every day forms the foundation of our spiritual strength. With that spiritual strength we can overcome the various obstacles that the material energy puts before us. I can't overstate how important it is to strictly follow the basics.

2) After you left Taiwan on June 7, Jahnava expressed her attachment and

admiration for you, which melted my stereotyped impression on her. Gradually,

I'm able to face Jahnava in an easy relaxing mood

Good.

3)I have been much disturbed by invisible spirits these years, which has been a torture physically and mentally. I have tried to take shelter of Narasimha diva and you completely, and become stronger and braver.

No ghost or disembodied spirit can stay in the presence of the Lord's holy name chanted without offense. And mostly these experiences are a result of a weak mind, not necessarily ghosts. In either case, I strongly recommend that you study the ten offenses against the holy name. Commit them to memory so thoroughly that they become second nature, just like our remembrance of our arithmetic tables. Then you will be able to perceive the difference between offensive chanting and inoffensive chanting. And eventually you'll not only be able to realize when you've made an offense and feel regret but also eventually you'll be able to begin catching yourself before making an offense and avoid making offenses. Srimad-Bhagavatam states clearly that if we are not experiencing transcendental pleasure when we chant the holy name, then we are committing offenses. That includes everyone in the beginning. The process of devotional service is not merely sentimental. It is a spiritual science that must be learned and applied into our lives in order that we clean our hearts, purify pour senses, and perceive for ourselves the spiritual truths Krsna presents in the Bhagavad-gita.

決意接受啟迪後，透過與｢Guru｣如此這般的連結，妻在靈性生活上邁前了一大步，事實上，就是｢人間｣生活，也登上了不同的境界。可是，在我這個｢側記｣者看來，年過半百，真的還有那許多｢大哉問｣嗎？心中真正的疑惑與迷惘，能夠全憑｢外力｣解決嗎？

I feel myself is like a lost helpless child. If I make any tiny bit of progress, all the credit is supposed to go to devotees' mercy for me, especially your invisible power, which keeps pushing me further and reminding me not to give up half way.

I don’t have invisible, or mystic power. I have the instructions of my spiritual master. I will try to pass them on to you without changing them. That is what mercy is, the instructions coming down from Krsna through the parampara system, the system of disciplic succession.

對於這樣的回答，我解讀為｢真理｣是亙古不變、一以｢傳｣之的，端看承襲者能不能透徹領悟。Maharaja此次來台曾搖頭苦笑著對Shyama說：｢這個秀好像以為找到我就能解決她所有的問題……｣

【Maharaja與妻師徒問答mail局部，妻總是很認真的、字典查透透的閱讀回信，但誠如Maharaja所說，真的找到他就能解決所有的問題嗎？】