The Burning Girl by Mary Karr
While the tennis ball went back and forth in time
A girl was burning. While the tonic took its greeny
Acid lime, a girl was burning. While the ruby sun fell
From a cloud’s bent claws and Wimbledon was won
And lost, we sprawled along the shore in chairs,
We breathed the azure airs alongside
A girl with the thinnest arms all scarred and scored
With marks she'd made herself —
She sat with us in flames
That not all saw or saw but couldn't say at risk
Of seeming impolite. And later we'd all think
Of the monk who'd doused himself with gas,
Lit a match, then sat unmoving and alert amid
Devouring light. She didn't speak. She touched
No aspect of our silly selves.
I was the awkward guest everybody hardly knew.
She was an almost ghost her mother saw
Erasing the edges of herself each day
Smudging the lines like charcoal while her parents
Redrew her secretly into being over and
Again each night and dawn and sleepless
All years long. Having seen that mother's love,
I testify: It was ocean endless. One drop could've
Brought to life the deadest Christ, and she
Emptied herself into that blazing child with all her might
And stared a hundred million miles into
The girl's slender, dwindling shape.
Her father was the devoted king of helicopter pad
And putting green. His baby burned as we
All watched in disbelief.
I was the facile friend of friends insisting on a hug
Who hadn't been along for years of doctors, wards,
And protocols. I forced her sadness close. I said
C'mon let's hug it out. Her arms were white
Birch twigs that scissored stiffly at my neck till she
Slid on. That night we watched
Some fireworks on the dewy lawn for it was
Independence Day. Soon after, she was gone.
She was the flaming tower we all dared
To jump from. So she burned.
燃燒的女孩
當網球在時間中來回往赴
一個女孩在燃燒。當奎寧水吞下鮮綠
酸澀的萊姆，一個女孩在燃燒。當豔紅的太陽跌出
雲朵彎曲的手爪，溫布頓賽事勝了
又敗，我們沿著海岸攤躺在椅中，
我們呼吸湛藍的空氣，一旁
的女孩無比細瘦的手臂上佈滿疤痕刻畫
她為自己添上的痕跡──
與我們同坐的她在烈焰中
並非所有人都能看見，或看見卻不能貿然提及
以免顯得唐突。過後我們都會想到，
將自己浴在油中的僧人，
點燃火柴，不動而警覺地坐在
吞噬人的光中。她不開口。她
不碰觸我們淺薄自我的一絲一毫。
我是那個幾乎沒人相熟的尷尬客人。
她是她母親眼中將越過邊界的鬼魂
每一天她抹去自己的邊緣
炭筆般線條暈開留下污漬，而她的父母
秘密地再度將她描畫成形一次
又一次每個夜晚和清晨不眠地
年復一年。在看過那樣的母愛之後，
我作證：它像海洋般無止盡。只要一滴就能
讓死得最透的基督復活，而她
用盡所有心力將自我傾倒入那熊熊燃燒的孩子中
深長地望進
女孩單薄、銷瘦的身形。
她的父親是忠誠國王統領著直昇機坪
和高爾夫球場。他的寶貝燃燒著在我們
不敢相信的目光中。
我是那個堅持擁抱的生疏的朋友的朋友
不曾參與多年的醫生、病房、
和流程。我強硬地將她的憂傷攬近。我說
沒關係來抱一個就好了。她的手臂是蒼白的
樺樹枝僵硬地在我頸邊交叉直到她
滑開。那天晚上我們看了
一些煙花在滴滿露水的草皮上因為那是
獨立紀念日。沒多久，她離開了。
她是那座烈焰中的高塔所有人不顧恐懼只能
跳出。所以她燃盡。
