「直面並擁抱自己的渺小，進而成為溫柔的巨人」—NoSo Parasites

重新一次，對自己自我介紹

躲在NoSo藝名背後的Abby Hwong，是一名韓裔美籍的音樂家。"Parasites"收錄於她的首張專輯Stay Proud of Me。NoSo將她自身成長故事寫入這張專輯，探索自己的性別、族裔，並用dream-pop那模糊、柔和的迷濛，像溫和的潮水般從陌生到熟悉，一字一句地撫平那些無可避免的歲月創傷。

"I didn't have any romantic interests or typical gay pining going on, so I felt stuck. I shelved it for months, then had top surgery on Jan 8, 2020, which prohibited me from playing music for six weeks. After I healed, I revisited the song and grappled with what I wanted to say. The instrumental felt dreamy and romantic, but I didn't want to keep writing romantic songs about other people; I just had a significant procedure that brought repressed memories to the surface, and I needed to express it somehow."—NoSo

“Parasites”是寄生蟲的意思，NoSo在這首歌中傳達對過去自己的重要訊息，提醒年輕的自己不需迷戀與模仿那些男性的氣質或模樣，相反地，希望自己能在一步步剝去那些鑲嵌在表皮之下的寄生蟲，擺脫社會與加注於自身的價值觀後，重新認識可愛的自己。

其實這首歌曾經被封存一段時間，當時NoSo無心創作，正在為到來的平胸手術(top surgery)焦慮，直到術後休養後重新整理內心思緒後，才誕生了這首抒發她內心壓抑的歌，一首關於重生的歌。這首歌有著輕盈卻又奔放的感覺，表達出了NoSo想追求的精神自由與帶給自己的慰藉。適合躺在草皮、床上或任何讓你神遊的時刻聽。

第一張專輯、第一次執導MV

這首歌的MV同時也是NoSo第一次執導的作品。她從以前就對製作電影充滿興趣，也會在閒暇時間寫寫劇本，但從未實際拍攝過，因此她決定將這次機會視作推動自己接觸電影拍攝的第一步。不過，比起MV慣用的演唱手法，NoSo更傾向將這部音樂錄影帶看作是微電影，或者更精確地說，關於演繹自己身份認同迷惘與理解等過程的紀錄片。

"I started doing the rituals she (protagonist) does in the video: obsessively drawing portraits of men and leaving it under the bed hoping to wake up looking like that magically, putting on a big hoodie and "lip ring" (that's actually my mom's earring), and secretly trying on my dad's huge suits when no one was home."—NoSo

在MV中，我們可以不斷地看到NoSo在主角的身上重現過去的自己，無論是迷戀於某些儀式，希望哪天自己醒來能成為理想中的模樣，或是透過扮裝和行為的模仿來感到自我滿足與惕勵。她試圖成為一個有著成熟且魅力的成年人，然而當時的她無論身心都仍舊是個孩子，種種的行為都顯現了她的天真。因此在這般突兀的對立中，尚未成熟的青年身份與社會觀感的暴力和無情使得她無比掙扎。那是一種需要時間消化，且無可避免的焦慮。

"My music video for "Parasites" centers around a child protagonist attempting to be an adult, longing for freedom by going up to the mountains, but clearly displaying she's still a kid by eating fruit roll-ups and strawberry milk. The character knows the inevitable consequences she'll face from others in the future who won't approve of her, which is why wearing a suit and eating lunch by herself at a park is such a significant moment for her."—NoSo

除了角色刻劃以外，希望能藉由自然環境凸顯角色渺小的NoSo也與攝影總監Seannie Bryan (作品包括Bon Iver的"Holocene" )討論一些場景的安排，並在經過一番討論後，參考了宮崎駿《風起》的構圖，描繪自然的廣袤和包容，希望帶給觀者在看完MV後感受到溫暖與生命力，並持續體驗人生。

我向妳保證，這是一趟值得的旅程

"When I returned to my music software and found the 'Parasites' instrumental, I wrote lyrics addressing my younger self about gender, surgery, and the blissful, safe future we both are waiting to experience."—NoSo

NoSo在創作這首歌的過程中，嘗試補捉自身孤立的感覺，如同設法在摸不著邊際的宇宙裡找到渺小的那種踏實感。她說這是一趟旅途，一趟在過程中學會駕馭各種錯綜複雜情緒時，重新認識自己的漫漫長路。

文獻來源：

1. Kelly Park. (2022). 'NoSo Shares Origins of New Song “Parasites”: Exclusive'. CONSEQUENCE SOUND.
2. Mitch Mosk. (2022). 'TODAY’S SONG: NOSO’S INTIMATE REBIRTH “PARASITES” IS A BEAUTIFUL, SPIRITUAL CELEBRATION'. ATWOOD MAGAZINE.
3. NoSo. (2022). "How I made Parasites". NoSo Youtube channel.