Bittersweet, ennui

How can I escape from this isolated ennui from the unwillingness of being a misfit ?

How can I leave this cold-hearted place full of bewilderment that only can be described as bittersweet ?

Fear of being awkward, committing mistakes

Again and again

Afraid of being the spotlight, lagging behind on the lane

Can I survive the race

I have tons of words wanting to say, but I have no one to talk to.

Somehow I forgot how to act appropriately, decisively, gracefully, and socializationally

Can you see through my heart flow?

Dare you not realise that I'm working so hard?

I have goals, desires, worries, anticipation

How I hope desperately that I can press fast button forward and see through my future, my life actually, in one minute