An Autumn Afternoon

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An autumn afternoon
You walked into my little garden
With an orange branch
I asked you
Do you know the mountain where peach flowers blossom?
You told me the orange branch was a gift from Faust
He was digging, he was still digging,
Power, knowledge, and ambition
Aroma of orange was in the air
I invited you for cappuccino
You caressed the orange branch with big affection
Can you hear
The breeze was spreading all over my rosy garden?
Can you see
The sunshine was woven into my blue skirt?
Can you smell
I used purple color to write you a poem?
Our talk tasted like a spring water
You asked for a turkey sandwich
I promised to bring you a branch of peach flower
If you know the mountain where the peach flowers blossom
Maybe you preferred an orange branch
I was aware
You did not know the mountain where the peach flowers blossom
Maybe we still could have a chocolate cake together
On an autumn afternoon
後記:世紀末,美國密西根州,凄凄慘慘。秋天總是撩人心思,尤其是陽光燦爛的秋日午后。陽光雖好,未必照得進心房。當時世界,渺渺茫茫,觸目所見,俱是悲傷。悲傷從何而來?有些清又有點說不清,要真能理得清,大概就不會悲傷之網無處逃。或許也不是悲傷,是憂鬱,輕微憂鬱症,食不知味,睡不安寢,沒來由地掉眼淚,沒來由地哭了起來。經常感到絕望,又固執地不肯放棄希望。想過死嗎?倒沒有,人,不能只為自己而活,還得為家人著想。若真客死千山萬水之外,以母親的個性,怕是要尋死覓活哭瞎雙眼。大約也是一息尚存,不容許自己學位沒到手,就塵歸塵、土歸土吧。
相遇不能相知,原非大不了之事,只是,時間點太狠了。我是過了河的卒子,正想著向前邁開步伐時,卻只見天地籠著一片霧茫茫。
張愛玲與胡蘭成相遇相知相惜又如何?成就的不是一段佳話,而是老死不相往來。悲涼了,民國世界的臨水照花人。
詩中說得是胸中塊壘,拿給英文系教授問高見,竟成了綺麗艷詩。那麼多年過去了,當時只以為對我一見如故的教授想入非非。如今重讀,猛然理解到那關鍵的幾個詞。不過,說他想入非非,亦不冤枉。
那一年,一首詩,幾段事,突兀又荒唐。
繁華盡,落葉凋,來年,又是春風滿枝枒。
來自前現代的靈魂,誤闖入後現代的肉體。碰來撞去,都是密碼。心悸,卻又無可奈何。不合時宜,又跟不上時代,只好活在自己的小小時代。
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其時,窗外大片陽光,心動,有所感。年少往事,重讀,無風也無雨,無喜亦無悲,唯年華似水流。
偶讀邵雍《山村詠懷》,愛其淡雅。又讀鄭板橋《詠雪》,清新有餘韻。二詩皆以數字入詩,試作一首,聊以自娱。
冬十月,顏色老, 寒霜霏霏行吟寥。 菊花開,菊花殘, 摧心肝,也溫柔。
回憶、想像/現實,過去/現在,時間/空間,如夢幻泡影,如露又如電,安東尼不記得自己的名字,找不到一個安心處。唯一確定的是,手錶還戴在腕上。時間一分一秒消逝,卻失去了意義。肉體和精神一點一滴消磨,如流沙般、抓也抓不住。
美好事物的消逝,總令人傷感。有些人、有些事,看似與你無干無係,卻曾伴你為賦新詞強說愁;大江東去,歲月如洗,那些人、那些事,依然縈繞不去。人至中年,有時不免想像數千年前屈原漫步於山川林澤間,緩緩吟詠著:惟草木之零落兮,恐美人之遲暮。    
其時,窗外大片陽光,心動,有所感。年少往事,重讀,無風也無雨,無喜亦無悲,唯年華似水流。
偶讀邵雍《山村詠懷》,愛其淡雅。又讀鄭板橋《詠雪》,清新有餘韻。二詩皆以數字入詩,試作一首,聊以自娱。
冬十月,顏色老, 寒霜霏霏行吟寥。 菊花開,菊花殘, 摧心肝,也溫柔。
回憶、想像/現實,過去/現在,時間/空間,如夢幻泡影,如露又如電,安東尼不記得自己的名字,找不到一個安心處。唯一確定的是,手錶還戴在腕上。時間一分一秒消逝,卻失去了意義。肉體和精神一點一滴消磨,如流沙般、抓也抓不住。
美好事物的消逝,總令人傷感。有些人、有些事,看似與你無干無係,卻曾伴你為賦新詞強說愁;大江東去,歲月如洗,那些人、那些事,依然縈繞不去。人至中年,有時不免想像數千年前屈原漫步於山川林澤間,緩緩吟詠著:惟草木之零落兮,恐美人之遲暮。    
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