Back to 24 March 2021

我知道為什麼我不想卡著了； 我不想無法全心好好經營體驗。 　　　　　　　　要不時自問：「我做了什麼讓他這樣反應？」 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　最近也感受著S的感情，樸實無華不張揚。他的忍耐不放棄，就是認真的證明了。

像書上寫的，熱情終將退去，後來剩下的熟悉感、彼此互相想理解、想被理解才是維持的精髓。

聚散終有時，美好跟回憶都是真的。

神奇開始聊天時刻。

你大概忘記了當初你說過 whatever in this apartment is yours. 　　　　　　我大概記憶裡力不要那麼好比較好; 只是忽然想起的小事。

The seat with an extra pillow. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　“Good observation. I sew that by myself, about 20 years ago.” 　　Wow... is that your oldest furniture? 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　“No, my bookshelf has been with me for almost 30 years. I got it when I was still at my parents' place.” 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　In Bremen? 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　“Yes.” 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　You would call there your hometown? 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　“... yes if you say so.” 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　When did you firstly move out? 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　“I only moved out once and never came back, as long as when I got the money. The first time I shared the house with a funny French guy, who was 3 years older than me for 3 months. We worked in the same part time job. He was a pizza maker and I was delivery. Then I moved to my own apartment. I was 19.” 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　You were you still a student or you were working at that time? 　　　　　　“ I was doing apprenticeship 4 days a week, one day goes to school, and I was driving taxi during the weekend. I had 3 jobs at that time to pay the house and everything. The apprentice normally takes 3 and half years to finish, but I finished half year early because I got good grades. I could be a professional electrician afterwards, but I went to applied science uni/college to study computer science. And because I did the apprenticeship, I could skip the requested half year on job training and graduated half year early. There was a 3 to 4 months waiting time while I was doing nothing, but just enjoy life. Then I got a job and I came to Taiwan.”

有一天。 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　I was thinking that I have loved you for all these years since I was 17.

Well, you could learn Barry to say thank you after hearing a girl says she loves you. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　“Are you expecting I would reply something?” 　　　　　　　　　　　　No not really. I kind of got used to it. Giggles. 　　　　　　　　　　　　“Well, thank you.”

這次的飛行讓我有似曾相識的不真實感覺，像最後幾次的新加坡，有種預告不用再飛那麼多的感覺，不知道為什麼。

那天哭了幾乎一整天，但有種重生的感覺，知道他當然可以選擇不要再繼續這樣下去、想要下車。

“Maybe next time when you came here should be the last time, even though that will not be easy.” 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Have you decided that? You'd rather be with a local girl but not be with me? 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　“No, and maybe I will just be alone by myself.” 　　　　　　　　　　“It's difficult to adjust to the loneliness after you left, and it's very painful. And after I got used to that, you would be here again, and I would have to adjust to the loneliness after you leave again.” 　　　　　“I feel so sorry to make you so sad.” 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　“I don't think anyone has ever loved me so much, it's incredible.” 　　Yeah the possibility to not be with you anymore kills me. 　　　　　　“Can I do anything to cheer you up? Can I cook something?”　　 　　No thanks, maybe not today. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　“Can we have sex later, or you are too sad for that?”　　　　　　　　　　 Is that just for cheer me up? 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　“Not only. But I also want to have you.”