Pros and Cons of Being A Cockroach 5. -The End

"To be honest with you, and you know that I've always been, I'm relieved that you say so. I was a cockroach and I still am at least during the day. Part of me is a low life that doesn't deserve to live in the eyes of humans, but I was free. Now though part of me is one of you, I'm not happy."- Roach saying with his hands on his heart.

Anne starts weeping as if she has been abandoned already though Roach at this moment is still alive in front of her. But at the same time there’s something beyond the sadness or pain, it is…uh…she feels embarrassed to say it out loud, a sense of relief. It's been almost a taboo to say so, or even to think so. After all, she has always been the lonely one and needed company, hasn't she?

"What should we do? I don't want to be the one who holds you back, I'm ready to set you free though it hurts me. I can't stop thinking of the punishment, the consequences if you step out of my apartment. What would happen to you?"- Anne is in anguish.

"I don't know for sure. I can't think of anything worse than returning to be the cockroach and no chance of coming back to you as a human. To me, it's the worst punishment that could be laid on me." – Roach sighs and keeps on speaking.

"But, if that is it, I'm willing to live with it. I have been something I never dared to dream to be, and I have been it for enough time. I won't miss it. The only bad thing is that I won't be able to keep you company like I used to. But I know you understand and you are a big girl you know how to manage your life. Maybe I have been in your way. I have kept you from your people. I love you too much to do that to you. You deserve a better life and a real man. Anne, I don’t want to be afraid, and I know I'm not afraid anymore. "- Roach pours his heart out. That's something he could never do when he was just a cockroach. He is grateful for this half-human-half-cockroach life, and he is fed up too.

He is so ready to get rid of all this though he has tears in his eyes, and Anne can't help but crying out of the mixture of sorrow and happiness.

They give thank you and best wishes to each other, and they bid farewell.

And Roach steps out of the door of Anne's apartment as if he was walking through a tunnel between two different dimensions. There's light surrounding him. It's so white and so bright, he keeps walking……..till the light devours him and he vanishes.

Roach finds himself still a human, and standing on a street that he is familiar with. The only thing is when he looks around trying to locate the building where Anne lives, there's no such a building in the place it was meant to be, as if it never existed. He knows he has lost Anne. He now truly knows about bitter and sweet, it's a feeling inside of his heart, not just some flavor in the mouth.

It's the first time that Roach tastes this kind of freedom - a human man in men's world at night. He is so excited that his heart almost bursts.

“What can a man do during the night?”

“What will a man do at his last night?”

“What will he do to make the best of it?”

He doesn't wanna waste his precious time on doing the thinking. He dreamed about this day for too long but to actually live it is another thing. He has no ideas at this moment because his brain shuts down. He is so anxious for the time he has left. He is so eager to experience this world with his current body and mind. He just sets his footsteps around the city……….

Maybe he drinks too much already, feeling the alcohol dashing down his throat and his human veins is definitely an out of this world experience. Maybe he jumps up and down on the streets too much, breathing in and out with all his strength and he might have sung on the top of his lungs. Maybe he dances with his two long legs too much that his toes hurt. Maybe he has done everything he can so now he is exhausted. He starts to feel every human trait of his are leaving him as the time moves forward. With the little strength and senses he still has, he finds himself a spot between the walls and public trash cans. It seems secret and safe enough since he'll return to be the cockroach in no time. He surely doesn't want a sudden death right after he returns to the world where he is a detested bug against everybody.

"How much time do I have left?"

"Have I made the best of my last night?"

"Have I made the best of my life?”- Roach asks and assures himself, so he says one last time in his human mind: "Thank you, Goddess of the Lonely. And I love you, Anne, goodbye my love." And his eyes finally shut.

The sun appears at the horizon, and its rays of light awake everybody and everything. People get up, and get ready for work. They walk on the streets and drive their cars on the road, some people who run their own business come to open up the doors. Noise everywhere. The world gets back to life again.

"Hey, are you OK?"- Roach hears a man calling and feels some shaking on the shoulder.

Roach opens his eyes reluctantly and sees a human face in front of him looking a bit nervous and caring, and behind this face it's the sunlight and the whole world that he's always known. Roach looks down to himself, he sees a human body lying on the street between the walls and some trash cans. This body in human form is his own.

Roach is now fully awake. He stares at the man in front of him with his whole life flashing before the eyes, and at that exact moment he comes to realize what the punishment is.