Midnight Library

I am in some kind of depression and have been listening to this book on Audible and it got me wonder what versions of life could exist in the parallel universe. I surely have a book of regret and I can see my life be totally different at more than one turning points. But since we are on the same tree, I guess we will still be rotten in a similar way.Book no1- if I had a brotherMy parents are traditional Chinese and my dad’s life long dream (or goal) is to have a male heir. They tried very hard to have a boy after me and my sister but it did not happen. My family is twisted in this way and a lot of family drama derived from this. If they had succeeded, I would prob be free up from some family shits and have more room to pursuit my life with less attention on me. I am sure my younger brother will be so spoiled though in this environment and my parents will give him all the family resources with very little return. I would not have enough money to go study abroad then but my goal to escape from my house should be the same. I would get a job and move out, fighting for opportunities to work overseas and I might end up at the same path of my root life. My mother will be even more exhausted with three kids and one husband who did not help on house chores at all. Her health condition will be a concern in this life. Although she might have more self esteem when talking to my grandmother and other extended family from my dad’s side. The result is mixed. As to me, my struggle with original family will likely remain similar, a useless dad, an unhappy mom and a controlling grandmother. Being a girl in this big traditional Chinese family my childhood will be full of ignorance and I will be traumatized for being unloved. It could also be a blessing in my adult life when I might be able to live my life overseas with less guilt.Book no 2- if I had major in English in schoolI was very close to choose English/Literature as my major college but got shifted away to finance due to my high score in math. It sounds ridiculous today but it was common back then when people choose their career based on exam results instead of personal interests. I am quite talented in learning languages and my passion lays in reading books. But a English major is unlikely to get me any high paid job. I will be struggle financially unless I found a rich man to marry. It is risky since my financial status will be depending on my marriage, which is also known as a gamble. But If I succeed then my job as either a translator or a writer will give me a freelancer’s life with many free time to support my family as a mom. I always wanted to be a freelancer as I am disciplined, self motivated and enjoy freedom very much. I do not have a huge aspiration in career and to be honest finance does not suites me well. But I could also end up struggling with money, being a cynical person if I could not find a good man. The result is not guaranteed.Book no 3 — if I went to study in New York city instead of AtlantaThis could be another life changer as well. I would have relationship with different men in these two cities. John was the reason I wanted to move to NYC so much in the first place. Now I think about it I did not really know him that well but he kinda represents all I was looking for at that stage of my life- independent, western, strong and freedom. He represents New York City. Yet my relationship with him may end up in similar way that me being too dependent and immature without knowing what I really want and who I am. I think I would still get lost. But after that I may be closer to become a New Yorker. I think I will spend a longer amount of time in this city even after the relationship ended. I will find another abc to settle with but I might be lonely since I can not fit in completely. I will miss my friends and family a lot while I drifting away from them. I will be super home sick and guilty when my parents aged. My passion and love towards the city may be wore out along with time and I will eventually move back to Taiwan.