緣分(The Regrettable Uniformity Among Events):1

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Now, how did it all begin?
Right, from the chair at the corner, that’s how it all started.
Well to be precise nothing really started, it wasn’t even an affair, but something did in fact happened, a story perhaps.
It was a Friday night, at La Lumiére. Around eight o’clock. They never screen on time, they’re always about 30 minutes late.
I arrived early anyway.
It was crowded that night, I bought a beer at the little stand they set up and sat at a chair on the right side of the corner, and waited, before the documentary finally screened.
People were talking around me, but there was no one I knew that came tonight. So I sat there quietly, with my notebook open and my pen in hand. I was trying to write down the faces of people around me.
You see, I study anthropology, so I try to do ethnographic work whenever I can. Tonight, people seem very merry. The beer bottles were clinking, there were a few other people who came alone, but there were also lots of conversation going on.
Most people were young, in their late twenties, but there were also a few married couples tonight, perhaps from Afghanistan.
I was scribbling down words in my notebook when I heard a quiet voice behind me.
“Is anyone sitting here?”
A small Asian girl, a bit frightened. I smiled and shook my head, so she took her coat off and sat next to me.
Why this seat? She was late, most seats were taken, it’s a full house today. But there were still a few seats in front, much better seats in fact. Why take a seat at the back corner? Perhaps she was too shy to walk up? She came alone, we didn’t talk to each other and she begin scrolling her phone (which was evidently too big for her hands) while waiting for the documentary to screen.
Finally, they’ve begun to screen, and the awkward silence that hang between us ended. I don’t know why I didn’t bother to speak to her, not even a word. Perhaps it was because she was waiting for something from me. I could feel it.
Yet she seemed so frightened, by everything.
It didn’t take long for me to realize that I came so early in vain. Despite the liberty I had in choosing a seat, I’ve chosen the wrong one. The chair was too low, it was lower than the seats in front. I could barely see the subtitles, which was a problem, because the documentary was in Persian.
I wasn’t the only one with the problem, the girl next to me suffered from the same inconvenience. But she had the advantage of being a girl, if she couldn’t see the film, it was because she was too short. Throughout the film both of us dodged from left to right and from right to left, depending on the seating position of the people in front. I was a bit annoyed. Why wouldn’t I be? I came early to find a seat, one at the back corner, to have peace. Yet this girl came and insisted on sitting next to me, on the seat that separated me from my corner, and became complicit in our effort to read the subtitles.
She sat on her knees throughout, to add a bit of height. It was a very beautiful film, too bad I couldn’t enjoy it peacefully.
I took a last sip of the beer I bought from the glass; it was no longer cold enough. I felt disgusted by the taste. There was a fifteen-minute break after one and a half hour of the documentary, during which the director handed out a survey for us to fill.
This documentary is only the first cut, it is still subjected to change.
I took my pen out from my back pocket, and as soon as I leaned in front I heard a voice behind me again.
“Do you have another pen?”
It was the girl again.
Poor girl, already frightened. She does not know how much annoyed I was, if she knew she was the cause of it!
Yet, weirdly, it wasn’t until then that I realized she is the cause of it. What was it about her that annoyed me? Her quietness? Her frightened figure? Or perhaps her sitting between my corner and I? What was it about her that disturbed my peace? The courage she mustered to utter a sentence to me, to be seated next to me, to ask for my pen!
That was it, it was her fear and her courage, and her choice to direct those two contradictory emotions at me.
Who is she, this Asian girl? A mysterious oriental girl, not yet 20. Perhaps she’s Chinese? But possibly not from China, she spoke perfect English. Yet her fearful way of talking could only resemble those fresh to the West. She must’ve spent a considerable time in Asia.
I wish I could write all this down in my notebook with my pen, but I promised her my pen once I’m done with the survey. I didn’t say a word when I handed her my pen, only a smile, another smile, like the one I threw at her when she asked if the seat next to me was taken.
And once again she was the one who broke the silence. She also threw a little smile at me, and a light “thank you.” She seemed so frightened, but why bother?
She said another thank you when she returned my pen. My pen, which was entirely mine, is now once shared with her. My space, the space that I thought will offer me peace, is also shared with her. Twice she inquired for my permission to intrude onto my possession, and twice I gave her my permission, yet there was still no words transmitted between us. Once again they were late to start the documentary, the break must have been longer than twenty minutes. For at least ten minutes we sat in silence, she once again begins scrolling her phone, I did the same.
She wore green trousers that day, so did I. I think she was also wearing a green sweater. I couldn’t have brought myself to write it down at that moment. Her eyes, although shy in hiding, were observant. I’m sure it couldn’t have escaped her gaze.
Finally the lights went off and the film reel was running again. The last hour was the same as the first one and a half, we tilt our heads from left to right and from right to left, until the documentary was finally over.
There was a Q&A session with the director at the end, it was already pretty late, around twelve I think. Emma texted me, she wanted to know if I’m going to the party tonight, it was a Friday night.
Many of the older couples asked interesting questions, the girl next to me seemed especially interested. I would’ve stayed, but my peace was already disturbed (and for far too long), and Emma was waiting for me to go with her to the party.
I waited for the director to finish answering the question before leaving my chair, the chair that I choose yet failed to offer me peace. On my way to the door, I could feel her gaze following me out.
What is it that she wants from me?
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September 29th, 2019 驀然已經好幾天沒有在街上亂晃了,並不是她沒有出門,事實上她待在房間的時間很少,但生活一夕之間突然變得好忙,她想念心無掛念坐在學校草坪讀書到天黑,聽著音樂走回plateau的日子,但同時她很感激Alexis,讓她生活變忙的原因。  Alexis是她在蒙特婁的
「我胸前正緊緊抱著那已經變得很單薄,而且現在仍一刻比一刻淡化下去不完整的記憶,懷著敲骨吸髓的心情繼續寫這篇文章。」 「我竟然會有這一天。」玥兒匆忙趕去地鐵的路上時這樣想。「芭蕾竟然會成為我的鎮定劑。」 事實上這早已不是第一次了,已經有兩個禮拜玥兒去上芭蕾是為了讓心平靜下來。她最近的心很亂,能怪她
第一章:雙面維若妮卡(La Double Vie De Véronique) 九月二十二日,2019 那是一個滿月的夜晚,驀然直到抬頭看到月亮的那一刻才想起今晚在臺北是中秋節。 「 今天是中秋節。」 驀然對潔說。  「 是嗎?中秋節應該要做什麼?」 「  恩……我們會吃月餅和柚子,還會烤肉。該死,
第一章:雙面維若妮卡(La Double Vie De Véronique) 九月二十一日,2019 臺北對於驀然是最安全的地方。在臺北她是特別獨立的,因為她擁有她所需要的一切,必須靠點叛逆製造麻煩好讓她解決。但在蒙特婁却是截然然不同,她是多麼渴望能跟大家一樣,可惜她的法文不夠流利,曾經令她自豪
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