20231116's mind

Couldn't find any sense of belonging here, but I've gotten used to it. Countless times have I barged into a space where nothing I can relate to, but somehow, in the end, I can, anyway, adapt to it and perform decently well (from my perspective). I just got the ability to find my own peace by persuading myself that everyone is an individual and goes everywhere on our own in life, despite the circumstance that something imperative isn't going very well. What suddenly strikes my mind is that I realize I often focus and persist on something a little bit too much (even though I think I'm laid-back and relaxed), which probably leads to my "unique" stubbornness and obstinate nature.Laziness and idleness keep flowing in my mind, and they cannot be ousted. Something wild stimulated my desire to run free and not care about anything, while at the same time, another me shouted and said "Put your effort in and never relax". I'm simply in a dilemma. And whatever I choose to act like, I regret afterwards. A greedy mind that never gets content.