活出你的設計（四之一）：為何Projector總是責備自己？

【更新：標題更改、內文修飾與修正】

（這是稍微修飾過的Google譯文。請參考下端英文原文。）

二分人（Single Split）

我確實要談論 Projector （導能者/投射者/策劃者）的兩個領域，它們都代表著導能者的矛盾困境，而談論導能者的第一件事就是區分定義（Split definition）。在我們有了區分定義的那一刻，大約有45％的人類擁有區分定義，而我並不是在談論三分人（triple split）或四分人（quadruple split），我只是在談論兩個相互分離的區分定義區域。一個基本區分定義。人類大約有45％擁有它。

當然，這意味著你內在的開放性總是在尋找一條橋樑，總是在尋找一條橋接。當我們談論關於理解同化等級的分析培訓時，儘管我們通常通過開放中心和策略（開放中心的非我策略）來審視制約，但是，當你處理區分定義時，最深層的制約本身就是橋樑。換句話說，人們一直在尋找一種達至完整的方式。記住我們擁有的遺傳要求。

這就是我們從基因上進行設計的方式，就是我們被設計成會被與眾不同的事物所吸引。這是使基因庫保持活力的原因。而且由於我們從根本上被與眾不同的事物所吸引，這意味著從某種意義上來說，我們總是被非我（的東西）所吸引。而且，如果你的區分定義是非常開放地等待那座橋樑，則意味著你對完成這一任務有著非常深之又深的渴望。

我們已經知道導能者的矛盾困境，即他們正在四處遊蕩，試圖找到合適的資源來自我矯正。但是，當你跟一個有區分定義的導能者打交道時，對於他們來說可能既迷戀又危險。結果是，任何具有區分定義的人都開始表達自己的意思，那就是怪罪又怪罪。怪罪是表達導能者苦澀的好方法之一。

假設你是一個導能者，將你的區分定義連接起來的就只是一個單激活的閘門。那（等於）是你在自責。那些你沒有的東西（*指激活閘門或通道），你會責怪自己為什麼你沒有它。而你會耗費一生尋找它。你將「接入」擁有它的任何人。希望它能對你有所幫助。當然不是。所以你責怪自己。「我沒有那東西，所以我不值得。」「我不好，如果我有那東西，一切都會很棒。」因此，這些具有區分定義的人是導能者，他們只有一個閘門才能將橋接起來，他們始終對自己感到痛苦。他們不是對世界感到痛苦。他們對自己很痛苦。他們對自己的外表、方式等等，持續不斷地苦惱不已，因為他們由於缺乏整體性而不斷責備自己。

遠距二分人（Wide split）

然後，你有了硬幣的另一面。你的導能者是區分定義的，並且需要超過一個通道才能將它們結合起來。這些導能者很多。他們會責怪所有人。他們不怪自己。他們不知道該如何責備自己。他們責怪所有人，也責怪一切行不通的東西。這種苦澀使導能者過程中如此深陷其中的方法之一是，他們沉迷於責怪的時間越長，苦澀就越多。你會看見，因為導能者具有辨識的天賦。這非我導能者非常擅長於針對識別出的非我事物來責怪。我的意思是能夠責備真是太好了。精彩。責備、羞恥，真有趣。所有的一切都回到了同樣的矛盾。看看你是不是Generator（生產者）和區分定義，你會隨時擁有權限來指導你。你不會抵達在同一趟旅程中。

Projectors, do you know how to say No?

Single Split

There are two areas of the projector that I really want to talk about and both of them represent deep dilemmas for the projector and the first thing to talk about the projector that is a split definition. The moment that we have a split definition, about 45% of humanity have split definitions and I'm not talking about triple splits or quadruple splits, I’m just talking about two areas of definition, separated from each other. A basic split definition. About 45% of humanity have it.

And of course, what that means is that you have a fundamental openness in you that is always looking for a bridge, always looking for a bridge. When we talk about in an analytical training about understanding the hierarchy of conditioning, that though we look at conditioning generally through open centers and the strategies, the notself strategies of open centers, that when you're dealing with the split definition, that the deepest conditioning is in the bridges itself. In other words one is always looking for that way to be whole. Remember the genetic imperative that we have.

That is the way in which we are designed genetically is that we are designed to be attracted to something that is different. It is what keeps the gene pool viable. And because we are fundamentally attracted to what is different, it means that we are always attracted to what is not us in that sense. And that if your split definition that very openness waiting for that bridge means that you're deeply, deeply, deeply longing for that completion.

We already know the dilemma of the projector, in the sense that they are wandering around, trying to find the right sources to align to. But when you're dealing with a projector that is a split definition on top of it, it can become both obsessive and dangerous for them. And it leads to something, that anyone with the split definition really begins to express and that is blame, blame. And one of the great, great places for the expression of projector’s bitterness, is through blame.

Let's say that you're a projector and all it takes to bring your split together is one single activation, just a gate. That's you blaming yourself. That thing that you don't have, you blame yourself, that you don't have it. And you spend your whole life looking for it. And you will plug into anyone who has it. In the hope that it'll sort of rub off on you. And of course it does not. And so you blame yourself. I don't have that thing, therefore I am not worthy. I am not good and if I had that thing everything would be terrific. So these beings with the split definition that are projectors and they only have one gate necessary to bring the bridge together, they are always bitter about themselves. They are not bitter about the world. They’re bitter about themselves. They're bitter about how they look, the way they are, goes on and on and on and on and on because they're constantly blaming themselves, for lacking this wholeness.

Wide split.

And then you have the other side of the coin. You have the projectors who are a split definition and it takes more than a channel to bring it together. And there are a lot of these projectors. They blame everybody. They don’t blame themselves. They don't know how to blame themselves. They blame everybody, for everything, that doesn't work. And one of the ways in which this bitterness gets so deep in the projector process, is that the longer they indulge in blame, the richer the bitterness is. And you see because projectors have this gift for recognizing. This not-self projector is very good at recognizing not self-things to blame. I mean it's great at being able to blame. Wonderful. Blame, shame, quite a thing. All the goes back to the same dilemma. See if you’re generator and you’re split definition, you have your moment by moment authority to guide you. You don't end up in the same trip.