Asylum Daily #5 unfinished

9 Sep 2022

Two days ago I questioned why we should assume that the influential would remain faithful to thier roles, including news agencies. Of course there are moments when people of different roles do their jobs, and do it well. It is true even for authoritarian governmentss and greedy businessmen. But something like editors banning the publishing of the facts found by reporters are not unheard of. When the worry is very valid, I want to express my respect specially for the reporters who are still trying hard to safeguard the truth for us today. Many of them worked hard and even suffered a great deal just for that.

<Aternoon, writing in haste>

/**I would rather be called paranoid than no one knows what is happening.

After the Lithuanian lesson and lunch I asked the officers in the canteen if I can come for lunch at another time when there is Lithuanian classes. The officer didn't speak English. A woman in plain clothe, maybe volunteer answered me. But what she answered was where to find the pyschologist.

When I returned to my room after excising in the park including punching and kicking the sandbag, three women came and told me to go to the psychologist. Their body language suggested it had something to do with my punching and my roommate pointed at a window which seems kind of broken at the turn part. But they refused to give any reason when I asked. They did not speak English (often time when something that should be explained well, it is some people who don't speak Engliah being sent) and asked another refugeee, the one who gave me Lithuania lesson that turned into Arabic lesson last Monday, to imterpret.

This is not the first time pyschologist and pyscho are mentioned. The first time was immediately after I said that I felt under surveillance (which is still continuing) like I was in my homeland when I was still in the Pabrade Foreigners Registration Centre. Pyscho was uttered every now and then right after that. There are actually much more than just surveillance. Many of the harassments I faced in my homeland are also happening here. People intentionally mimicked some problem I faced. By mimic I mean I do not know they are actually doing the same or just acting. For example, people (the supposed fellow refugees) following me to the toilet and the shower. Everyone including the children knew what I did in my room (I had the room alone back then) with windows and the door closed which were practicing punching and kicking as well as other excises. People surrounding the food that would be distributed to me. Come to me with the same questions that I said I don't want to talk about after being harassed with, sometimes even insist to have me answer them rudely. As far as calling me mofo when I offered to talk about something else while refusing to explain. I tried to tell myself that I was thinking too much at first, I hoped it was just misunderstanding then, I hoped it was just an attempt to frighten me and have me try to escape after. But it is continuing to no end and sometimes what they do have me worries that I would be framed for something.

I don't know if it is the influence of the Chinese Communist Party or not. I don't know which is worse. If it is the CCP or if it is not.

*/

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In the recent year, I am greatly disappointed by some of the professions that used to be highly respected.

But instead of saying people of certain professions are failing the public expectation, perhaps it is more simple and appropriate to say that we together are failing humanity. We are still teaching, actually just telling, the same values to the children. However as soon as we finish speaking, we take children for fools and lie when there are some things we don't want to let them know or explain. We take trickery as cleverness. We take shameless as courageous. We dream for abusable power. We tolerate evil.

(unfinished...)