跟歐洲人做生意時，應該「閑談」什麼?

「閑談」是一種常見的破冰法。商場上它通常用於在會議開始之前，休息時間，還有跟新認識的人建立關係的時候。 對很多人來說，與人社交閑談還有互動是一件簡單且自然的事。但是如果你像我一樣比較內向，害羞，又缺乏訓練跟不同的國家的人交談的話 ，我相信你可能會覺得商業閑談是一項困難的任務。畢竟，你是在跟一個陌生的人交談，再加上如果交談的語言是個你少用的外語，你最不希望的就是在眾人面前看起來像一個傻瓜。但更糟糕的是，有研究指出，面對剛認識的人的時候，你只有7秒的時間給自己建立一個好印象，壓力很大的。

很多銷售或談判的書籍裡面會討論到 [閒聊] 能幫助建立融洽的關係 (rapport)。它是透過聊天來了解對方，增加你“討人喜歡”的程度，在不知不覺中與對方建立信任。有很多方法可以與他人建立融洽的關係，聊天只是一種口語表達方式，使對方感到舒服放鬆。尤其現在進入網路開會以後，口頭上的聊天變得更重要，因為在網路世界裡，我們失去了很多輔助的東西來幫你判斷一個人或者建立關係，例如跟另一個人分享同一個環境空間的感覺，還有在網路上比較難看到一個人的所有的肢體動作等等。

如果你曾在開會或者社交場合中，因為不知道要跟人家聊什麼而體驗到尷尬的沉默的話，相信我，我也是過來人。多年來，為了解決這個問題，我花了很多時間做筆記並親身實驗開會時到底可以聊什麼？

以下是一些我建議的主題，我把主題歸類成兩類：「安全」和「灰色地帶」。

「安全」是指這個主題基本上比較通用， 讓你陷入激烈辯論的可能性低。「灰色地帶」的主題能夠幫助你更加了解談話的對象。不過壞處是，不是每個人都會給正面的回應，畢竟還是要看對方的性格。你需要自己去拿捏這個狀況，可能還要事先下一點功夫了解你想聊的話題。

我先自首一下，還沒搬到英國以前，我覺得這是一個很無聊的話題，但現在我最愛講的話題十之八九都跟天氣有關。 雖然大部分的歐洲人、美國人跟澳洲人都認為討論天氣是英國人專屬的話題，也常常嘲笑英國人很愛討論天氣， 不過憑良心說，其實不是只有英國人，我見過的歐洲人都愛討論天氣， 例如荷蘭人, 瑞士人還有北歐人 。我不得不說，討論天氣是絕對不會出錯的(特別是對英國人!) ，在會議或者是社交活動很常聽到，是很好的破冰法。

自從實體會議因新冠肺炎轉變為虛擬會議以來，我的同事說他認為這是最近最夯的話題之一。新冠肺炎發生之前，一般人是不會問一個人是在家或者是在辦公室工作，因為在家辦公算是例外，並非常態。 可是現在情況翻轉了，歐洲大部分的人都在家裡工作。

我也觀察到一個有趣的現象，有時候這個話題還能讓對方敞開心扉，自願介紹一些有關他們的私人生活。例如: 現在誰在家裡、他們今天打算做什麼、還有在鏡頭前展示家人為他泡的咖啡還有餅乾，我感覺這個主題會引發出我們現在很想念的人情味。

這常用在面對面會議交流。 一般當地接待的人會問候你前往辦公室的旅程，除了展現關心外，也是幫助大家找一個破冰的話題。另外，我也發現無論住在哪個城市，歐洲人都蠻喜歡抱怨他們交通還有運輸系統。就連德國人，他們公共交通工具已經是出名的方便跟準時，可是德國人並不這麼認為。德國廠商有一次竟因為我敢用當地的巴士而誇我「勇敢」!

和當地的地陪分享你的經驗，說不定接待你的人還會替你抱怨當地的交通工具。有一年我需要參加一個在巴黎的商業交流活動，沒想到活動當天遇到巴黎火車地鐵罷工。雖然因為我的旅館離場地很近，步行可達，我沒有受到任何影響，可是我還是運用談論巴黎的交通作為我的開場白。當天我見了10家公司以上，也聽了不少有關法國交通的玩笑，氛圍也很好。

出於對對方的文化感到好奇，大多數人喜歡談論介紹自己的文化給外國人。 有一年我在德國柏林開會，中場休息時，為了預防氣氛尷尬，我開了一個話題，問當地的合作夥伴他們公司的位置是在東還是西德？為什麼設置在這裡？ 結果一個五分鐘的休息時間變成二十分鐘的柏林圍牆歷史課。不過那天我收穫很多，不但學到了德國歷史，還讓我更了解我的合作人的思想模式。

相反的，我有一個義大利的朋友，他曾經碰過有人在一個商業環境裡想跟他閒聊有關義大利黑手黨和墨索里尼。可惜的是此人對這個主題其實一無所知，只懂個皮毛，聽說不但沒討好，反而給她留下了深刻的壞印象。

其實這個話題可能不適合所有人 ，不過足球跟網球在歐洲是數一數二最熱門的運動。歐洲人瘋足球是全世界都知道的，像英國、德國還有西班牙都有很有名的足球隊。另外，法國網球公開賽還有溫布頓網球公開賽是世界上最負盛名的網球賽，吸引了來自歐洲各地的粉絲。每當碰到比賽的賽季時，例如世足盃或者是溫網，這個主題會被討論得更頻繁。不過，這個主題最好跟對方有多些接觸後再開啟比較好，所以比較適合在茶歇或者商務會議之後才提出來。不要小看這個話題，我見識很多高級主管也利用這個話題來幫忙建立關係。儘管有些足球隊粉絲之間存在激烈的競爭，但在工作的名義下，大多數人都是專業的，即使他們不支持同一支球隊或球星，這個主題還可以幫忙拉近距離。

基本上能談論時事是很好的，這代表你對這個國家的關心。但是，如果你沒有非常了解當地的狀況， 選擇此話題的時候要格外小心 ，不要哪壺不開提哪壺。不過 ，還是可以找到一些有趣的話題，例如當英國威廉和哈利王子要結婚的時候，我常被詢問婚禮相關話題。其實我對這個話題不是很感興趣，覺得有一點八卦的感覺， 不過我多多少少還是可以談一點。在會議中，拿捏好的話題還是可以讓氣氛提升的。

閒聊是可以幫助你建立關係，如何選擇哪個主題，你需要根據所處的情況和環境做出自己的調整和判斷，有些情況可能還需要先做一些準備工作，再依當場氣氛選擇最恰當的話題，練習久了就知道哪些話題適合你。前面建議的是希望能幫助你開啟一個出發點，讓你在下一次商業冒險中感到更自在。

English Version

Chit-chats or informal small-talks are used a lot in business to break the ice. They are often used at the beginning of a meeting, interview or at networking events.

These informal talks sound like a simple task and comes naturally to many people. However, if you are an introvert, shy or you just lack the practise of talking to people from different backgrounds or nationalities, then you would probably find this exercise daunting. After all, you are talking to complete strangers, perhaps speaking a language un-natural to you and the last thing you want to do is to make a fool out of yourself. To make this even worse, there is research suggesting that you only have a window of 7 Seconds to make a memorable first impression on someone new. The pressure is on!

Why is Chit-chat important?

Many sales and negotiation books refer to chit-chats as a way to help build “rapport” with someone. Rapport is the ability to relate to others in a way that creates a level of trust and likeability with another person. The ability to build rapport is often seen as a key element in achieving a successful outcome when meeting someone. What many people might not realise is that this process often happens unconsciously.

Although there are many ways to build rapport, chit-chat would be one verbal way to make someone feel comfortable and relaxed. Chit-chat is even more valuable now that we are moving towards virtual meetings. In a virtual environment we lose important supporting elements such as sharing the same space by being in the same location, seeing the other person’s body language, etc.

Chit-Chat Topics

If you have been in meetings or networking events where you experienced a lot of awkward silences and you didn’t know what to say, trust me, I feel your pain. I spent many years feeling awkward in meetings and at networking events so I decided to take notes of the topics that people like to talk about and started to experiment with them. If you are looking for some ideas of how to network with a foreigner, below you can find a few of my ‘go-to’ topics that I use a lot in meetings and networking events to establish rapport. I have broken the topic into two categories: ‘Safe’ and ‘Grey’ Topics

‘Safe topics’ basically means that the topic is fairly generic and the likelihood of getting yourself into a heated debate is far lower. ‘Grey topics’ means that these topics are great if used correctly and can help you learn about more about your counterpart. However, you must be aware that, depending on the personality of the receiver, this topic may not always generate a positive reaction. Judgement of the situation and some advanced research may be needed to use these topics successfully.

Safe : Talk about the Weather!

I have to admit, even I couldn’t believe how much I talk about the weather since I moved to the UK. I never used to care or talk about the weather when I was living in Asia or Australia but now, I unconsciously gravitate towards it. Although most Europeans like to believe that this topic is a ‘British speciality’ and they often laugh at the British, I can assure you that all Europeans love to talk about the weather. I often catch the Dutch, Swiss, and Scandinavians talking about the it without even realising it. Let me say this, you won’t go wrong by talking about the weather (especially to the British!). Great ice breaker for work meetings and any networking events.

Safe : Are you at home or office?

My workmate actually singled this question out as the most mentioned topic in virtual meetings since the Covid-19 crisis started. In the ‘pre-Covid-19’ days, you wouldn’t have even thought about asking if someone was working at home; that was because home office was an exception rather than the norm. At the moment this concept is all flipped now.

One interesting observation that I have is that this question often leads people to open up more and tell you something about their private life too. I have had people telling me about who is at home with them, what they are doing today, the tea and biscuits that their family members made for them (showing it off on the camera). I feel that this topic really brings out that extra personal touch that we are now missing so much.

Safe : Talk about your commuting experience

This is used more in a face-to-face meeting. The host often asks about their visitor’s journey to/from the office as a way of breaking the ice but also to show some interest and a sort of care. Moreover, the Europeans love to complain about their traffic and transportation systems, regardless of the city you are in. Even in Germany, where the public transportation is infamous for their convenience and punctuality, I still remember being praised by my German host for willing to use the local bus.

Do share your experience, you might even find your European host complaining about the transportation on your behalf. Once I had to attend a networking event in Paris, France. On the day there was a train strike and although I wasn’t impacted by it because my hotel was walking distance from the venue, I still decided to talk about the French public transportation system and the strike as my ice-breaker. I must have met 10 companies that day and I got so many banter and jokes coming from the French, which really helped in easing the atmosphere.

Safe : Talk about why you are there

This is a great one to use when you want to build common ground with the person that you are talking with. It is probably best used at networking events where you may have different backgrounds or roles to help bridge the differences. More importantly, by talking about why you are at the event, you make other people want to reciprocate by asking about the same topic, which helps you gather information on their roles, responsibilities, companies of the other people too.

Grey : Talk about the local Culture

Be curious about the culture of the person you are talking with. Most people love to talk about their own culture and background, especially to a foreigner. Once I was in Berlin for a meeting and during our coffee break, to avoid the awkward ‘silence’, I decided to ask our local business partner if the office was located in East or West Berlin and if there was a reason for picking this location? The 5-minute break became 20min, the German host kindly gave me a whole history breakdown of the Berlin Wall and the behavioural differences between people from the West and people from the East. That day, not only did I learn a lot about German history, but I also understood my host’s behaviour and thinking logic better.

On the other hand, my Italian friend had once encountered a person who wanted to chit-chat about the Italian mafia and Mussolini without knowing much about them and just talked about the stereotypes. That conversation backfired and he made a terrible impression on her.

Grey : Talk about Football and Tennis

This topic isn’t for everyone, but without a doubt, football (Soccer) and tennis are the most popular sports in Europe. The football craze spans across all the European countries with many popular leagues clubs in countries like UK, Spain and Germany. While in the tennis world, Roland Garros (French Open) and Wimbledon are the most prestigious tennis events in the world, and attract fans from all over Europe. Football and Tennis tend to get mentioned more frequently when an event is happening. E.g. Football World Cup or Wimbledon season. This topic is more suitable in a coffee break or after a business meeting after you had a longer engagement with your counterpart. I have even seen this topic being mentioned all the way up to very senior level for rapport building. Although it is true that there is a strong rivalry between some clubs, most people are professional about it and this topic has the tendency to bring people closer even if they don't support the same team or person.

Grey: Talk about the Current Affairs

This is a great one to use because it shows you care about the country. However, it is also more challenging to select the appropriate topic as a foreigner because you may not have a full grasp of the local situation. Nonetheless, there are always some general topics that you could safely mention. E.g before and just after the Royal weddings of Harry and William, people liked to ask me about the ceremonies. Although I personally have no interest in this topic and I feel it can get a little too gossipy, I would still have some knowledge of the topic to make a basic conversation that can help lighten the atmosphere.

Chit-chats are important in helping build a relationship. The topics you choose really depend on the situation and the context you are in. In some situations, advance research is needed and you will need to use your own judgement in selecting the most appropriate topic depending on the atmosphere you are feeling. At the end of the day, you may need to do some experiments and suss out what works for you. I hope it might help you feel more comfortable in your next business adventure.