我有個想法，如果是你來臺灣的話，我就會安分待在這裡了。 我在德國時仍然需要跑跳，因為待在房子裡的我們都不互動，好像只有在我"再度"出現在房子裡時，你會對我比較關注。 你會在廚房的時候碰碰我，但現在我只記得在我冷戰那天你主動走過來，抱我吻我，唯一的一次。因為我離我熟悉的環境好遙遠，在異地好赤裸，我需要你多安撫我肯定我的好一點，但你不會。 總是我先說早安，先擁抱你，先親吻你。 我最希望親密關係後，你可以抱著我一下一分鐘，但你會面朝上的就是躺著。 飛那麼遠，然後一直在房子裡感到不被渴望，是我的議題，但我真的好孤單。 我總是想為什麼你就是不能多給我一點什麼，但是，這就是你吧，不是你想不想給、我好不好。
原來我們一直都沒有什麼連結。
"I am doing that to protect myself, not to make you cry or make you feel sad, but for you it seems to be a big thing.
I don't know what's your real problem. Whenever somebody says something negative about you, or tells you you did something wrong, you make a big thing about it and you are sad.
Maybe you should be more self-forgiving or self-irony, because nobody is perfect. Most people don't make it a big thing of it. You always want to do everything right and perfectly, to be perfect and everybody sees you as perfect, and when it's not like that, you are like oh my god the world is crashing."
That is how S sees me. I know I am not like this, but maybe he is right.
Though S still said something touching: your Mom should be taking care of you, not the other way round. You are the daughter and she is the mother.
