「謝謝」的衝突 The "Thanks" Dilemma

Navigating Family Dynamics

Growing up was a bit of a head-scratcher when it came to expressing gratitude – should I drop a "thank you" or play it cool? My folks were dead set against thanking family, warning it could lead to a verbal lashing. Meanwhile, school was all about preaching the virtues of expressing gratitude.

Sixth grade

Fast forward to sixth grade, post my parents' divorce saga. Dad, still flying solo in the kitchen, tried his hand at cooking. The end result? Fish that was more blood than dinner, with an accidental cockroach seasoning.

Despite the culinary chaos, I decided to throw him a bone: "Thanks, Dad."

Little did I know, I was in for a thirty-minute lecture, questioning my family loyalty and the need for familial thank-yous.

Dmitry Vechorko on Unsplash

Rant

The highlights of his rant?

"Why thank me? Don't you see me as family?"

"Save the 'thanks' for outsiders. Aren't we tight enough for you?"

It was loud, spit-laden, and eye-opening.

School wisdom was WRONG

Turns out, school wisdom was off the mark. Saying thank you to Dad was a recipe for disaster, a unique flavor of Taiwanese family dynamics. It's weird because Westerners seem to be cool with it – they don't go all "super angry."

As I got older, school habits stuck, and saying "thank you" became a reflex. At home, to dodge any accidental slips, I adopted the silent ninja approach.

Please, thank you, sorry

the school insists on drilling into us the mantra of "Please, thank you, sorry. After saying "thank you" to my precious one, I then have to say "I'm sorry."

"Sweetie, my bad. I apologize── I'm sorry; I shouldn't have dropped a thank you. Let's not be upset, okay?"

It feels like back in the day when I used to spend five bucks on Sailor Moon games, scoring one character at a time. Could end up with "美" or "少" or "女," and with five characters, I could trade them for Sailor Moon goodies with the store owner.

I've snagged two "thank you" and "I'm sorry," just need one more "please" to complete the set.

If I gather three, can I summon the dragon and have my wish granted?
→ Sweetie, no more sulking

Post-marriage

Post-marriage, I never thought uttering "thanks" would lead to squabbles or silent showdowns. My anger, whether radio silence or storming out, clashed with my partner's belief that "Say thank you" hinted at unfamiliarity.

In the early days of marriage, "thanks" became the trigger for explosive reactions from my partner. Why such a simple phrase could cause such frustration remains a mystery. Despite my efforts to keep it under wraps, the phrase occasionally slipped out, and all I could muster was a feeble, "I'm doing my best."

I wonder if this whole saga is just an old-school Taiwanese quirk. Younger generations and foreigners seem to breeze through life without turning "thanks" into a battlefield. It's a head-scratcher, really.

Final Boss

I faced a serious crisis.

Oh! Living with someone is tricky; you accidentally let slip words they don't want to hear.

Post-marriage, the initial tough mission surprisingly involves avoiding certain words.

Mention those, and the other person is on the verge of exploding. It's like playing a game for real, huh! In the game, the character can't utter certain words, or else the Final Boss shows up.

Who would've thought my Final Boss would go by the name "Thank You"?

到底哪個是對的？

我的家庭教育告訴我，不能和家人說「謝謝」，反則會被罵

但是學校教育告訴我們，要說「謝謝」

家庭教育

我小六的時候，爸媽剛剛離婚，我爸也還沒找到女朋友來我們家煮飯，所以他就自己煮了。我爸煮的魚沒有熟，上面還有血，還把蟑螂也煮進去了，我超無言。 눈言눈

但我想說，算了，就這樣吧

「爸，謝謝你。」我對他說道

結果，被我老爸罵了三十分鐘，都不用吃飯了 Σ(｀L_｀ )

P.S. 不用吃飯是很好啦，畢竟誰想吃帶有血的魚，和有蟑螂作配菜的洋蔥炒蛋???

被罵了

好啦，回到正題。我爸聽到我跟他說謝謝以後超級生氣，他大聲地咆哮

內容大概是 (我憑印象寫的，可能和當時有差)

「說什麼謝謝，你是不把我當家人嗎？」

「謝謝那是對外人說的，我是你爸ㄟ！」

「我剛你關係還不夠熟嗎？需要你跟我說謝謝！」

「大恩不言謝沒聽過嗎？」

巴拉巴拉好大聲罵好久，口水噴在我臉上好髒。
那時候我才知道，原來學校教的是錯的，不可以對老爸說謝謝，他會很生氣

好吧！這算是某派台灣人的思想吧？？？？

西方人好像不會這樣，跟他們說謝謝，
然後他們還「超生氣」 ◢▆▅▄▃崩╰(〒皿〒)╯潰▃▄▅▇◣

學校教育

隨著年齡的增長，我習慣了說「謝謝」

這好像已經變成肌肉記憶了，反正就是慣性會說

除非回家裡，為了不要說漏嘴，我在家盡量不說話 (這裡的家指的是我爸媽家)

可能是學校教育吧？我才養成了說謝謝的習慣

請、謝謝、對不起

學校教導我們要常常說：「請、謝謝、對不起」，

我跟我家寶貝說完「謝謝」，然後就要說「對不起」，去把他哄回來

「寶貝，我錯了。對不起啦，我不該說謝謝的，你別生氣了」 ( ´•︵•` )

天啊，我只差「請」還沒說了

好像我小時候在買美少女戰士的遊戲，每次花五元可以得到一個字，像刮刮樂一樣刮開。可能買到「美」，或「少」「女」「戰」「士」，集滿五個字可以去跟老闆換美少女戰士周邊產品。

我已經集齊兩枚「謝謝」和「對不起」，只差一枚「請」就圓滿了。

請問我集滿了三枚，可以召喚神龍，實現我的願望
→寶貝寶貝，你別再氣呼呼了

結婚後

其實我沒有想過會因為說「謝謝」而吵架，或者說不是吵架，而是冷戰？？？

因為我生氣通常就是兩種情況，所以應該不算吵架?

1. 坐著不講話
2. 不講話，受不了就偷溜出去 (本來想摔門，但想想，摔門之後要哄回我家寶貝就更難了，就偷偷閃了)

好吧，對方應該也是我爸媽那一派的，覺得家人間說啥謝謝，你是跟我很不熟嗎？

反正我們剛開始結婚前半年，常常就因為我說「謝謝」，對方就爆氣了 (`へ´≠)

生氣
生氣氣
生氣氣氣 ٩(◦`꒳´◦)۶

天啊，真的覺得我家寶貝好容易生氣啊！
這到底有什麼好生氣的？？

我盡量控制我自己不要和他說「謝謝」，但有時候就不小心脫口而出。我只能說
「我盡量啦！」

這不知道算不算老派台灣人思想，因為我看年輕人好像不會因為這個吵架
外國人應該也不會因為說「謝謝」而有衝突吧 ٩(ŏ﹏ŏ、)۶

關底BOSS

清月感情經營大危機

啊！跟別人住在一起好難，一不小心就脫口而出對方不想聽的話

婚後面臨的第一個困難任務，居然是不可以說XX字

說了對方就會爆炸

真的好像玩遊戲，哈！遊戲裡面，腳色禁止說XX字，否則關底BOSS就會出現

沒想到，我的關底BOSS名字居然叫做「謝謝」

裡面某些內容過幾天拿掉