我們已經離開香港了!

(Scroll down for English) 在我的最後一周，我（蕃薯媽媽）被問了很多關於離開是否感到難過以及我會想念什麼的問題。 說實話，第一個問題的答案是“不是”，因為我知道如果沒有這個機會的話我會更難過。 相當多與我最親近的人對我想要離開感到驚訝。 他們以為我只是跟著爸爸離開。 也許是因為我不是一個總是抱怨的人。 我從不隱藏我的願望，但這個願望也從未在談話中真正出現過。 談話必須相當長且深入才能進入這個話題，而我們平常都是忙碌的香港人。

我會想念什麼？ 當然是亞洲美食，朋友和家人。

我們現在在清邁，不到一個月就要回來住幾天，參加我的畢業典禮，所以一切都沒有像我 15 歲去英國寄宿學校時那樣巨大的戲劇性結局。我跟朋友及家人彼此都很高興地說：“很快再見！”

我們去香港仔觀賞了最後一場龍舟比賽。

然後這週剩下的時間就是工作（突然加班）、收拾行李（箱子到了）、整理強積金（瘋狂地尋找一位可以在極短的時間內見證我簽字的律師！）以及與朋友共進午餐（幸運的是我的輪班地點在地鐵站附近非常方便）。 我試著拍下那週的每一頓亞洲餐的照片來細細品味。 面對家裡的混亂（包括同時準備去清邁和英國……很多東西都弄亂了，誤運了！），家不再像我們習慣的舒適，被箱子包圍時我只是想盡快擺脫混亂！ 有很多事情要做，忙碌可以成為憂鬱的解藥，尤其是在離開時。 人們如此忙於展望未來，以至於沒有太多空間可以回顧過去。 或者也許我的回顧是幾個月前開始的……回顧我的舊部落格文章，我意識到我寫了 9 篇關於我的香港社區的文章，比任何其他主題都多。 我想回憶起所有我最喜歡的地方，這些地方對我來說就像朋友一樣，我知道一旦我離開，我就不會以同樣的強度記住它們。 （相反，這不適用於人，因為你仍然可以與他們交談，尤其是現在，但你不能與地方交談。）

我們搬家的前一天晚上，我去了最後一次按摩（用完我的優惠卷）。 我的按摩💆🏻‍♀️店說他們不會再做套餐了，因為他們可能會因為生意減少而關門（大家都移民或在中國做按摩💆🏻‍♀️）。 最近，我們對面的美食店關門了。 我比自己離開的地方更難過😢…一位朋友20年前曾評論說，留下的人更難，因為那裡空虛，而離開的人卻期待👀目的地。

我們搬家的那天（也是前一天），大蕃薯的學校邀請 小蕃薯參加他哥哥的課程、遊戲時間和零食時間作為告別，這樣他們也可以和他一起度過。 校長送給大蕃薯之前索取的整套聖經故事集，並為他製作了一張照片拼貼畫。 送大蕃薯到這所學校是我們有史以來最好的決定。 也許我會在以後的文章中更詳細地解釋。

收拾好所有東西後，我們在祖父母家度過了一個愉快的夜晚。 小姨Izzy和小貓Crookshanks跟我們一起留宿－女孩們住在一個房間，男孩們住在另一個房間。 小貓則是唯一一個有自己房間的小朋友。Izzy不斷嘗試把他拖出去，這提醒了我記得有一次在新冠肺炎期間拜訪了一位朋友，她試圖讓她的女兒從躲藏的地方出來：

“你是動物嗎？ 不，你不是！ 那你就出來吧！

所以我們對他說：「Crookshanks，你是動物嗎？」……嗯，是的……但你還是必須出來！

第二天是大蕃薯的生日。 我們原本計劃去海灘玩耍，但季候風天氣來襲。 因此我們改變計劃邀請了大蕃薯的同學來我們家，並匆匆買了一個大蛋糕。 奶奶用果凍做了一條大魚（水母？！）。 我的一位來自英國的高中朋友碰巧在香港，所以就順便過來聊聊，這真是太可愛了。 那天晚上，我在Tom Lee 關門前爭先恐後地為大蕃薯買了一本新的鋼琴書，並提交了我的MPF 表格（一次非常富有成效的行程- 我的朋友和經紀人在Tom Lee 遇見了我，我們聊天，直到她注意到店主在看著我們！

最後一頓點心午餐後，隔天我們就出發了！

我的朋友 H 在讀完上一篇文章後告訴我，她也感受到了沒有媽媽和孩子的朋友之間的分歧。 根據上一篇文章的闡述，與分歧另一邊的人建立/建立相當深厚的友誼是可能的。 在帖子中，我提到了我的 COVID-19 健行夥伴，她過去（現在）沒有孩子。 透過每週共進午餐和健行，我們從熟人變成了朋友。 她聽了我身為新手媽媽的感受，我聽她談論她的新工作（大多數時候我不明白細節）。 你們只需要對彼此的生活感興趣，即使他們沒有重疊。 順便說一句，當我們成為朋友時，大蕃薯只有幾個月大，H 還沒有孩子。 我從來沒有感覺到她周圍沒有母親、沒有孩子的朋友之間有分歧。 現在她也有2個孩子了。 幾個月前，我們去健行 （也是我的健行夥伴！），我很珍惜這趟旅行。 你可能會認為親密的媽媽很容易便可建立友誼，但事實並非如此。 與你們都單身時的情況不同。 一個主要障礙是有精力和組織來優先考慮一起做媽媽的時間（沒有孩子的時間），另一個是深入討論你如何感受生活，而不僅僅是分享實用訊息，以最大限度地提高孩子的生活機會。 我相信，深入的對話比實用的訊息更能最大限度地提高孩子的生活機會，因為聊天會讓你成為一個更好的人：更平靜、更友善、更快樂、更自信、更安全、更有彈性。 您的孩子以您的行為為榜樣。 對一個孩子來說，擁有這些特質並獨立思考、規劃自己未來的生活，比一步步進入名校並取得高分更重要。 每個父母都希望自己的孩子能夠兩者兼得。 許多人專注於實際的事情，希望我提到的所有這些品質都能在學校和課外活動中發展。 那是謊言。 您必須優先考慮其中一項。 您的孩子會知道您是否優先考慮性格或成就（只要回想一下您對自己父母的感受）。

無論如何，如果有人讀過上一篇文章https://vocus.cc/article/667c0accfd89780001cdea31 中提到的書並喜歡它，如果您需要更多推薦，請告訴我！

其他與香港相關的貼文：

距離離開香港還有6天！

We've left HK!

During my last week, I (Mama) was asked a lot whether I felt sad about leaving and what I would miss.  To be honest, the answer to the 1st question was “Not really”, because I knew I would be sadder not to have this chance.  Quite a few of those closest to me were surprised that I wanted to leave.  They assumed I was just following Baba.  Perhaps because I am not one to complain all the time.  I never hid my desire, yet it also never really came up in conversations.  The conversation would have to be quite long and deep to get into that and we are busy people in Hong Kong.

What would I miss?  Asian food for sure, friends and family. 

We are in Chiangmai and coming back in less than a month for a few days for my graduation, so everything does not have the huge dramatic finality of say, when I went off to boarding school in the UK at 15.  Goodbyes to the family were quick (Dad didn’t park the car), with a cheery “See you again very soon!”

We went to our final dragon boat race in Aberdeen. 

Then the rest of the week was a blur of working (suddenly got extra shifts), packing (the boxes arrived), sorting out MPF (frantically looking for a lawyer who could witness my signing on extremely short notice!) and having lunch with friends (luckily my shifts were in very convenient locations near MTR stations).  I tried to take a photo of every Asian meal that week to savour it.  Facing the chaos at home (which included preparing for Chiangmai and UK at the same time… a lot of things ended up getting confused, shipped off by mistake!), home no longer felt like the comfy home we were used to when surrounded by boxes and I just wanted to be out of the chaos.  There was a lot to be done and busyness can be an antidote to melancholy, especially when leaving.  One is so busy looking forwards that there isn’t much space left to look back.  Or perhaps my looking back started months ago…  Going over my old blog posts, I realized I wrote 9 about my Hong Kong neighborhood, more than any other topic.  I wanted to recall all my favourite haunts, the places were like friends to me and I knew once I left, I would not remember them with the same intensity.  (Conversely, this does not apply to people because you can still talk to them, especially nowadays, but you cannot talk to places.)

The night before we moved, I went to my last massage (to use up my package).  My massage 💆🏻‍♀️ place  said they won’t do packages anymore because they might close due to less business (everyone migrating or getting massages 💆🏻‍♀️ in China).  Recently, the gourmet food store opposite us closed.  I feel sadder😢 about my fave places leaving more than myself leaving…  A friend once commented 20 years ago that it is harder for the one staying because there is a void, whereas the one leaving is looking👀 forward to their destination.

The day we moved (and the day before that as well), R’s school invited X to join his brother’s lesson, playtime and snack time as a farewell, so they could spend time with him too.  The headmistress gifted R with the whole collection of Bible stories that R had previously asked for and they had made a photo collage of him.  Sending him to this school was the best decision ever.  Perhaps I will explain in more detail in a future post.

After everything was packed up, we had a massive sleepover at the Grandparents’ home.  Iz and Crookshanks stayed over-  the girls in 1 room, the boys in another.  Crookshanks was the only one who got his own room..  the 3 brothers reunited (R and X were excited, Crookshanks less so..  He spent most of the time hiding…)  Like a tiger mum, Iz kept dragging him out, which reminded me of one time we visited a friend during COVID and she tried to get her daughter out of hiding:

“Are you an animal?  No you are not!  So come out!”

So we said to him:  “Are you an animal, Crookshanks?”..  Hmm yes... but you still must come out!

The next day was R’s birthday.  We originally planned to have a beach playdate, but monsoon weather hit.  Instead, we invited R’s classmates to ours and hastily bought a big cake.  Grandma made a big fish out of jelly (jelly fish?!).  One of my high school friends from UK happened to be in town and dropped by for a good catch up, which was lovely.  The evening was a scramble to buy a new piano book for R before Tom Lee and to hand in my MPF form (a very productive trip-  my friend and agent met me at Tom Lee and we chatted until she noticed the shopkeeper looking at us!)

And after a final dim sum lunch, the next day we were off!

P.S.  My friend H told me after reading the last post that she also felt the mum-childless friend divide.  Elaborating on a previous post, it is possible to have/make quite deep friendships with people on the other side of the divide.  In the post, I mention my COVID-19 hiking buddy who was (and is) childless.  We went from acquaintance to friends by having lunch and hiking weekly.  She listened to how I felt as a new mum and I listened to her talk about her new job (most of the time I didn’t understand the details).  You just gotta be interested in each other’s lives even if they don’t overlap.  Incidentally, H was childless when we became friends when R was a few months old.  I never felt the mum-childless friend divide around her.  Now she has 2 kids too.  A few months ago, we went on a hike (also my hiking buddy!), which I treasure.  You would think that close mum-mum friendships are easy, but they’re not.  Not in the way it is when you’re both single.  One main obstacle is having the energy and organization to prioritize mamma-me time (time without kids) together, the other is having a deep conversation about how you feel about life instead of just sharing practical information to maximize your child’s chances in life.  I believe that having a deep conversation maximizes your child’s chances in life more than practical information because it makes you a better person:  calmer, kinder, happier, surer of yourself, more secure and resilient.  Your child models your behaviour.  It is more important for a child to have these qualities and think for themselves to figure out their own life in the future, than it is to go to elite schools every step of the way and score highly.  Every parent wishes their child could have both.  Many focus on the practical things, hoping all those qualities I’ve mentioned will develop at school and through extracurriculars.  That is a lie.   You must prioritize one over the other.  Your child knows whether you prioritize character or achievements (just think back to how you feel about your own parents).

Anyway, if anyone has read the book mentioned in the last post and enjoyed it, let me know if you want more recommendations!

Other posts related to Hong Kong:

-           6 days until we leave Hong Kong!