距離離開香港還有6天！

(scroll down for English)當這篇文章發表時，我們已經離開了。 在過去一個月左右的時間裡，人們一直在問我們搬家是否很忙……這對我來說是一個很難回答的問題，因為大多數時候我並沒有感到搬家很忙。 這可能是因為我在一個多月前開始兼職，其中一個原因是我知道如果我全職工作到最後一刻可能會感覺太吃力了。

許多重大事情我們幾個月前就已經研究、討論、決定了。 現在，到最後階段，也許我們會更專注於接下來的兩個月，我們將在泰國度過。 兩週前，蕃薯爸爸先去了清邁三天打點好一切。 在爸爸離開的那幾天，因為紙皮箱已經送到，我們才終於開始感覺到真的要搬家了。蕃薯媽媽是一個糟糕的包裝工。 我記得當我 18 歲從牛津大學退學時，J 阿姨（也出現在這裡）來接我和我的東西。她後來評論說，她發現我坐在一個夢幻般的狀態，周圍都是我打開的東西（癱瘓的無所事事！）幸運的是，她是一個非常務實的人，不知何故設法把所有東西都收拾好了，還帶著她十幾歲的孩子！ 這次，我很幸運有菲傭瑪麗亞和蕃薯爸爸，他們的強項就在這些方面。 我的優勢在於精神而不是身體組織，所以我想我們在這方面可能有點互相匹配。 最近，當爸爸從清邁回來時，我開玩笑說，我覺得自己很累，因為必須親自做所有的事情（他通常做的事情），而當我離開時，爸爸便像無頭蒼蠅一樣到處亂跑！ 因此，這次我負責在 Carousell 和 Facebook Marketplace 上列出我們所有的贈品家具，這涉及到很多訊息來回，尤其是很多人不閱讀清單內容並不斷詢問基本細節！ 我也再次從盒子裡挖出一些東西，這些東西需要乘飛機帶到清邁或英國，或者我們在離開之前仍然需要使用。 我們仍然需要使用的東西包括我認為運送到英國沒有多大意義的物品。 例如我們為什麼要運送芥末和義大利麵？ 我寧願運送米！ 所以，我們每天都吃麵食。 我們還有查爾斯國王公司所出產的麵粉，所以我正在製作很多麵包來贈送親朋。 有人建議我可以直接贈送麵粉，但不知何故，製作麵包和贈送的行為似乎在我的腦海中成為了離開前要做的事情。 也許是因為我還沒有做過任何身體上的收拾，所以我需要一個身體上的動作來象徵離開。

另一種身體行為是在離開前見見朋友。 1個月前，我發出了這個邀請：

我們每年都會為大蕃薯舉辦生日派對……這是孩子們（我們這些有孩子的人）玩耍並與沒有孩子的朋友聚會的好機會，他們通常沒有機會見到孩子們。 小姨Iz 更憤世嫉俗地說，這是「為父母提供的玩耍約會，為沒有孩子的朋友展示產品」…我注意到，在香港，媽媽和沒有孩子的人之間在友誼方面存在很大分歧（但是我無法評論任何別的地方）。 俗話說，物以類聚，人以群分。 媽媽們傾向於談論養育子女，這是沒有孩子的人不感興趣的話題。 對父親來說，並沒有這樣的分歧。 也許是因為他們的友誼往往基於共同的興趣和嗜好（孩子不算興趣…）。 即使兩個沒有共同興趣的父親聊天，養育子女也不太可能主導談話。 在我有孩子之前，我沒有意識到孩子是媽媽的重要延伸。 我的意思是，我們在子宮裡培養了它們9 個月，生下了它們（這可不是一件容易的事），並用我們的乳房餵牠們幾個月的母乳（如果沒有的話，我們仍然需要幾個月的時間才能從分娩的傷口中恢復），所以它是不可避免的是，生孩子也是我們的重要組成部分。 對於沒有孩子的朋友，我們見面時通常沒有孩子，因為每個媽媽都知道，當孩子在身邊時，很難進行適當的交談。 沒有孩子在身邊，人們很容易認為媽媽和以前一樣，但事實並非如此。 如果你們多年來一直是親密朋友，但他們從未見過你的孩子怎麼辦？ 媽媽可能會感到分歧擴大。 另一方面，如果你的媽媽朋友一直談論他們一直擔心的實際育兒問題怎麼辦？ 沒有孩子的朋友是否也會感受到分歧的擴大？ 她的朋友變了？ 我剛剛讀完《一個40多歲的F**k up的自白》，它被稱為“我們這個時代的新布里吉特·瓊斯”。 。 我非常喜歡它並且它涉及這些主題。 我確實認為其核心是，為了維持友誼，人們必須努力談論自己對生活的感受。 當我們還不到30歲的時候，這對我們來說是很容易的。選擇了，並不意味著我們應該關閉放下我們的感受，或從不質疑我們的選擇。

那天大家都玩得很開心…

砸蛋糕

嘲笑蛋糕

派對就是有蛋糕和氣球的聚會！

我剛滿 1 歲就搬到了英國。 (儘管我的父母不一定同意。 部分原因是他們離開的時間不同。) 爸爸（也是醫生）在冬天提早三個月離開，因為媽媽要完成她參與的一部戲。 由於是在北方，所以特別冷。 利物浦人有著很重的北方口音。 獨自一人在這樣一個城市，他陷入了不同的耐心文化和辦公室政治。 上次他在那裡時還是一名學生和見習醫生，他的老闆負責處理病人的投訴和政治問題。 現在他又回來當老闆了，接替同時退休的前兩位老闆的工作。 醫生朋友認為，當你與另一位醫生關係密切時，你總是會談論自己的觀點。 也許對某些人來說，這是事實，正如我所觀察到的。 一位醫生朋友試圖向我詢問我父親對她女兒的醫學意見，因為她認為我們在晚餐時討論病例。 我們從來不這樣做。 另一位提到，如果她有醫生丈夫，她就會有人分擔她對醫生的擔憂。 蕃薯爸爸和我也幾乎從不分享我們的工作。 所以他向我透露這一切是非常罕見的。

我認為我們對下一代的希望之一就是過比我們更好的生活。 歷史似乎在重演——帶著年幼的孩子從香港搬到英國。 但在這一代人中，我們的做法有所不同。 首先，我們將一起在清邁度過兩個多月的時間。 一起度過暑假，而不是養家糊口的人在冬天獨自在英國北部城市開始新工作。 我很清楚我們是多麼幸運。 儘管我擁有與我父親相同的資格（有人可能會認為擁有博士學位的人更是如此），但我沒有同樣的壓力來養家糊口。 請繼續關注我們清邁暑假的未來更新！

了解更多有關移居英國的資訊：

英國/BNO 護照持有人需要繳納全球稅嗎？ | 蕃薯一家的英國生活記的沙龍 (vocus.cc)

6 days until we leave Hong Kong!

By the time this is published, we will have left already.  In the last month or so, people have been asking whether we’re very busy with the move…  This is quite a difficult question for me to answer because most of the time I haven’t felt busy with the move.  This is probably because I changed to working part-time more than a month ago, one of the reasons being that I knew it might feel like too much if I worked full-time until the last minute.

Many of the big things we had already researched, discussed and decided on months ago.  Now in the final stretch, perhaps we are concentrating more on the next 2 months ahead, which we will spend in Thailand.  Baba made a 3-day trip to Chiang Mai 2 weeks ago to prepare everything.  2 weeks ago is also when it finally started feeling like we were really moving, because the boxes arrived.  I am a terrible packer.  I remember when I dropped out of Oxford when I was 18, Auntie J (also featured here) came to pick me and my stuff up. She later commented that she found me sitting in a dreamy state, surrounded by all my unpacked stuff (paralyzed inaction!)  Luckily, she is an imminently practical person and somehow managed to get it all packed up, with her teenager in tow too!  This time round, I am lucky to have Maria and Baba, whose strengths lie in these areas.  My strengths lie in mental rather than physical organization, so I suppose we are a bit of a yin and yang in this aspect.  Recently, when Baba came back from Chiang Mai, I joked that I felt tired from having to do everything physically myself (the things he normally did), whilst when I go away, Baba runs around like a headless chicken!  Therefore, this time I am responsible for listing all our furniture to giveaway on Carousell and Facebook Marketplace, which involves a lot of back and forth, especially as many people don’t read the content of listing and keep asking about basic details!  I have also been digging things out of boxes again, that need to be brought to Chiang Mai or UK by plane or that we still need to use before we leave.  Things we still need to use include items that I think don’t make much sense shipping over to UK.  Why are we shipping mustard and pasta?  I would rather ship rice!  So, we have been eating pasta every day.  We also have flour from King Charles’ company, so I am making lots of bread to give away.  It has been suggested that I could directly give away the flour, but somehow the act of bread making and giving away seems tied in my mind as something to do before leaving.  Maybe because I have not done any physical packing yet, I need a physical act to symbolize leaving.

Another physical act is seeing people before leaving.  1 month ago, I sent this invite out:

We’ve always had yearly birthday parties for R…  A good chance for the kids to play (those of us who have kids) and to catch up with childless friends, who would normally not have the chance to see the kids.  This was put more cynically by Iz as “playdate for the parents and exhibition of products for childless friends” …  I have noticed that there is quite a divide between mums and childless people in terms of friendship in Hong Kong (can’t comment on anywhere else).  Birds of a feather flock together, as the saying goes.  Mums tend to talk about parenting, a topic that is not interesting to childless people.  There is not quite such a divide for dads.  Perhaps because their friendships tend to be based on shared interests and hobbies (kids don’t count as in interest…).  Even if 2 dads with no shared interests chat, it is unlikely that parenting will dominate the conversation.  Before I had kids, I didn’t realize that kids are quite a big extension of a mum.  What I mean is, we grew them in our womb for 9 months, birthed them (no mean feat) and fed them milk from our breasts for months (if not, we still recovered for months from the wounds of childbirth), so it is quite unavoidable that having kids is also a major part of who we are.  For childless friends, we usually meet without kids, because every mum knows it is difficult to have a proper conversation when your kids are around.  Without their kids around, it is easy to think that the mum is just the same as before, but she isn’t.  What if you’ve been close friends for years but they’ve never seen your kid?  The mum may feel an increase in the divide.  On the flip side, what if your mum friend just keeps talking about practical parenting issues they worry about all the time?  Wouldn’t the childless friend also feel an increase in the divide?  That her friend has changed?  I have just finished reading “Confessions of a 40-something F**k up”, which has been called “The new Bridget Jones for our time.”—Telegraph (the reason why I picked it up).  I enjoyed it immensely and it dealt with these topics.  I do think at the heart of it, to keep the friendship alive, one must strive to talk about how one feels about life.  This came so easily to us when we were younger than 30.  When we were still wondering who we would date, whether he was any good, what job we should choose…  Just because we have chosen now, it doesn’t mean we should shut down our feelings or never question our choices.

Everyone all round had fun that day…

Smashing cake

Scoffing cake

 A party is a gathering with cake and balloons!

I moved to the UK shortly after turning 1.  X has just turned 2.  I asked my parents if they had a farewell party before leaving.  They said no.  Partly because they left at different times.  Dad (who is also a doctor) left 3 months earlier in the winter to start first, as Mum had to finish a play she was in.  More than 30 years ago, Liverpool was a rough city, not like the culture capital it is now.  As it is in the north, it is particularly cold.  Liverpudlians have very heavy northern accents.  Alone in such a city, he was plunged into a different patient culture and office politics.  As a student and trainee doctor the previous time he was there, his bosses took care of patient complaints and politics.  Now he was back as the boss, doing the job of his former 2 bosses, who both retired at the same time.  Medic friends assume that when you are close to another medic, you will invariably talk shop.  And perhaps for some people, this is true, as I have observed.  One medic friend tried to ask me for my dad’s medical opinion regarding her daughter because she assumed we discuss cases over dinner.  We never do.  Another mentioned that if she had a medic husband, she would have someone to share her medic worries.  Dad and I almost never share ours.  So it was quite rare that he revealed all this to me.  

I think one of the things we hope for the next generation is to have a better life than ours.  History seems to be repeating itself- moving from HK to UK with young kids.  But in this generation, we are doing it somewhat differently.  First, we will spend a little over 2 months in Chiang Mai together.  A summer holiday together instead of the breadwinner starting a new job alone in winter in a northern city in UK.  I am quite aware how fortunate we are.  Although I have the same qualifications as my Dad (one may argue perhaps even more with a PhD), I don’t have the same pressure to be the breadwinner.  Stay tuned for future updates on our summer holiday in Chiang Mai!

Read more on moving to UK:

-          Do UK/BNO passport holders need to pay global tax?