非暴力溝通：一次導航引發的反思

20250201此刻我覺得很懊惱，

因為我沒有好好運用非暴力溝通（NVC）。

昨天老公載我們一家四口到尖石山上，因為年假塞車，需要開山間小路，避開塞車，因此很需要導航，但是因為我先前導航時曾漫不經心而導航錯誤的經驗，加上女兒的導航真的比我清楚、靈活，她們在車上看手機google map的能力的確比我好。因此昨天在路上，老公說了這句話：

『老婆，你要不要退位了？Jessica、Amy她們比你會導航啊！』

我聽了這句話，受到了刺激，心情不太好。

今天一早醒來，我就對老公說，老公，你昨天說：『老婆，你要不要退位了？Jessica、Amy她們比你會導航啊！』我真的很難過，你可以不要用這樣的方式，表達你對於我前天導航錯誤的不滿嗎？』

接著我說很希望老公用非暴力溝通的方式說話，而不是用譬喻、諷刺的方式並且用比較的方式，說我導航能力不如女兒…。

然後，我還說，『上回我坐Ruby的車到彩虹山嶺，她一路和我聊天，一路自己看導航，也不會像你這樣緊張。』（我發現，我使用了相互回報---你說我不如女兒，我也覺得你不如Ruby開車能力好，可以輕鬆聊天、又不必依賴旁人導航。）』

說完後，我自己覺得很難過，我用非暴力溝通的方式要求老公，卻沒有注意自己也沒有先做到NVC。而且還用『比較』的方式回報他，陷入了『想爭個是非對錯』證實錯不在己…的心態。

如果時間重來。

我要先

一 自我同理：

我想到老公說：「你是不是該退位了啊？Jessica、Amy她們比你會導航啊！」時，我覺得『難過、委屈、沮喪』(感受)，因為我很希望自己被認同、希望自己是有能力的、希望自己的能力，沒有因為年紀退化、希望自己有貢獻，也希望自己的導航用心有被看見。雖然前幾次有一些失誤的情況，但是今天我很專心啊！我今天很認真、很專心。希望老公可以知道我的用心。

二、同理老公：

我猜測老公很在意『效率』、『效益』，對了，還有『安全』，因為有時候導錯地方，會增加開車的危險（例如開到小路、很難迴轉）。他開車時，已經非常地專注、需要全神注意路況，很需要具體的支持和幫助。當導錯路時，他會感到煩躁、不安，無法放鬆自在。

而且他一路開車都沒有休息，身心都很疲憊緊張、有一點差錯，都會讓他很焦慮。但他都沒有怨言。

三、先表達對他的同理和欣賞：

『老公謝謝你，一路上辛苦開車，讓我們可以平安、順利抵達目的地。讓我們三個女生能安全、放鬆、好好休息（我們在高速公路上睡得很好）。剛剛經過山路、塞車等路況複雜時，你一定很焦慮、疲憊。』

四、表達我的感受和需要給老公

只是，『老公，當我聽到你說：「你是不是該退位了啊？Jessica、Amy她們比你會導航啊！」時，我覺得難過、委屈、沮喪，因為我很希望自己被認同、希望自己是有能力的，也希望自己的導航用心有被看見。雖然前幾次有一些失誤的情況，但是今天我很專心啊！想讓你知道，我今天很認真、很專心。不知道你聽我這樣說完，有什麼想法或感受可以和我分享的嗎？』

20250201 - Nonviolent Communication: Reflections Triggered by a Navigation Incident

At This Moment, I Feel Regretful. Because I did not properly apply Nonviolent Communication (NVC).As soon as I woke up in the morning, I said to my husband:"Honey, yesterday you said,“ Atan, should you step down? Jessica and Amy are better at navigation than you!” That really made me feel sad. Could you express your dissatisfaction with my navigation mistake from the day before in a different way?"Then, I told him that I really hoped he would use Nonviolent Communication rather than using metaphors, sarcasm, or comparisons to tell me that my navigation skills were inferior to our daughters'.After that, I also said, "Last time when I was in Ruby’s car heading to here(Rainbow Ridge), she chatted with me the whole way while checking navigation herself. She didn’t get nervous like you." (At that moment, I realized that I was engaging in reciprocal comparison—I was responding to his comparison of me to our daughters by comparing his driving ability to Ruby’s, implying that she could drive effortlessly while chatting and didn’t need to rely on others for navigation.)After saying all that, I felt really sad. I had asked my husband to use Nonviolent Communication, yet I hadn’t practiced it myself first. Moreover, I had retaliated with a comparison, falling into the trap of wanting to "prove" that the mistake was not mine—to win the argument over who was right or wrong.

If I Could Rewind Time…

1. Self-Empathy :When I recall my husband saying, "Should you step down? Jessica and Amy are better at navigation than you!" I feel sad, wronged, and frustrated (my feelings) because I deeply want to be recognized. I hope to be seen as capable, to know that my abilities have not declined due to aging, to feel that I am contributing, and to have my efforts in navigation acknowledged. Even though I made some mistakes in the past, I was very focused today! I wanted my husband to know that I was serious and attentive today.

2. Empathizing with My Husband :I guess my husband cares a lot about efficiency, effectiveness, and, most importantly, safety. Sometimes, taking a wrong turn can increase driving risks (such as ending up on narrow roads that are difficult to turn around on). When he is driving, he is already highly focused, needing to pay full attention to the road, so he really relies on clear and precise support. If the navigation is incorrect, he might feel frustrated and uneasy, making it difficult for him to relax.Moreover, he had been driving continuously without a break, making him physically and mentally exhausted and tense. Even a minor mistake could make him anxious. Yet, he never complained about it.

3. Expressing Empathy and Appreciation First:"Thank you, honey, for the effort you put into driving, ensuring that we could reach our destination safely and smoothly. You allowed the three of us (me and our daughters) to feel safe, relaxed, and well-rested—we even slept well on the highway. I can imagine how exhausting and stressful it must have been for you, especially when navigating mountain roads and dealing with traffic jams."

4. Expressing My Feelings and Needs to My Husband:"Honey, when I heard you say, 'Should you step down? Jessica and Amy are better at navigation than you!' I felt sad, wronged, and frustrated because I really want to be recognized. I want to feel capable and to have my efforts in navigation acknowledged. Even though I made some mistakes in the past, today I was really focused! I want you to know that I was serious and attentive today. Could you tell me what you meant when you said that? I would really like to understand."