表姊

「悲逝者之不復，嘆斯人之共淪。」

明．李東陽〈同年祭陸鼎儀文〉

Abstracted

I'm still grappling with it—how does someone go from riding a motorcycle one moment to just being gone the next?

To be, or not to be; that is the question.
──── Shakespeare, "Hamlet"

Back in the day, Mom used to tell me that after we kick the bucket, we get a do-over. Maybe my cousin is navigating the Naihe Bridge, sipping on Meng Po's soup, getting ready for another shot at life?

Luke Besley on Unsplash

As I got older, my teacher was all about Epicurus (Ἐπίκουρος, 341 BC—270 BC), that ancient Greek philosopher. He thought once we kick the bucket, our "soul atoms" scatter like confetti—no more us, no afterlife jazz, no pearly gates or hellish underworld. We're off the hook with the gods; we just need to own our lives!

Accustom thyself to believe that death is nothing to us, for good and evil imply sentience, and death is the privation of all sentience;... Death, therefore, the most awful of evils, is nothing to us, seeing that, when we are, death is not come, and, when death is come, we are not.
── Epicurus

Feeling

Feeling a bit puzzled by my vibes right now—restless, a mild throb in the noggin, the urge to toss my cookies, but not exactly feeling like death. What's the deal?

Am I feeling funky because I'm sensing some soul shackles? If I wrap my head around what death really is, will I finally break free?

Embrace it cool as a cucumber, or pull a Voltaire and see it as a showdown, high-fiving death as it rolls up to test my mettle?

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

Or maybe, come the funeral day, the answers will hit me like a ton of bricks?

恍惚

我還是有點無法接受，人怎麼會機車騎一騎，就走了？

死後是存在還是不存在─這是問題。

──莎士比亞《哈姆雷特》梁實秋譯

小時候，我媽媽告訴我，人死後會去投胎。或許我表姊正在過奈何橋，喝下孟婆湯，準備前往她的下一世？

長大後，我的老師喜歡伊壁鳩魯（Ἐπίκουρος，前341年—前270年）古希臘哲學家，相信死亡後，人類的「靈魂原子」就會消散，不復存在──並沒有下輩子，我們不會去天堂，也沒有陰間地府。人不用對神明負責，只要對自己的人生負責！

「死亡與我們無干，因為凡是消散的我們都不會再有任何感覺；而凡是無感覺的，就必然和我們無關。」 ──伊壁鳩魯

我目前的生理感受

我對我目前的感覺有點困惑，有點小煩躁、輕微頭痛、想吐，但又沒有很不舒服。到底是？

蒙田

突然想到蒙田講的一句話：「設想死亡，就是為自己設想自由。」我現在的生理反應是因為我覺得自己不自由、心靈被束縛嗎？

想清楚死亡是怎麼回事，我就自由了嗎？

伏爾泰

是否要坦然赴死，還是要像伏爾泰一樣，把死亡視為一種關卡，歡迎他來挑戰自己？

阿阿阿阿阿阿阿阿

還是

到出殯那天，我就會想出答案？

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