I used to be naive, always thinking that if I wanted something, I could only rely on myself to work hard and fight for it.
I firmly believed that my parents’ favoritism was entirely my fault—that I wasn’t good enough, not good-looking, or not funny enough.
I insisted on splitting bills evenly when dining alone with men, firmly believing that rich people were probably bad, and unattractive men wouldn’t cheat.
Like solving math problems, I thought I had to use the formulas taught by the teacher; otherwise, I would feel uneasy, fearing my answer was wrong and that I was not serious, diligent, or deserving enough.
But as I grew older, I realized that life isn’t like that.
Many difficulties cannot be overcome by relying solely on oneself or by a single viewpoint or solution. Even if you work hard and achieve something on your own, it can be tarnished or taken away in an instant.
The belief that "relying on oneself" is the safest path can actually make one the most vulnerable. I shed many tears over this issue—how could something I achieved on my own be undone?
Often, I was too obsessed, treating "relying on oneself" as the only right answer. Yet, even pregnancy requires sperm for the egg. Such obsession can blind one to the fact that sometimes, genuinely expressing gratitude, accepting help, and receiving the kindness of fate and God's grace are abilities that must be cultivated.
In the end, as long as it is not theft, cheating, harm, or murder, why be so harsh and guilty about "accepting" help?
Would anyone get angry and rant at the government if they won a lottery prize and say, "Sorry! I didn’t win this myself; I don’t deserve this money! This must be dirty money! An unjust gain!"
It is far better to say plainly and graciously: "Thank you," "This is wonderful," "I am so fortunate," rather than thinking, "I am useless," "I don’t deserve this," or "Do you think I’m incapable?"
Changing your mindset toward gratitude, confidence, and calmly accepting others' goodwill and God's grace is a sign of maturity. Moving from self-deprecation to objective self-affirmation is also a sign of growth.
Why is it important to observe how expenses are shared during the early relationship stage?
On the surface, it's about splitting finances evenly, but in reality, it reveals one’s value in their partner’s eyes and the level of trust in communication. Unless there is no plan to have children, if you plan to conceive, carry, and raise a child, it’s crucial to consider certain realities.
Women are vulnerable and sensitive during pregnancy, dealing with hormonal changes, gestational diabetes (GDM), and other risks. During delivery, vaginal birth can cause tears or overstretching of pelvic muscles and tissues.
Regardless of natural or cesarean delivery, women endure irreversible consequences. Even if there are no fatalities during childbirth, postpartum women can never fully return to their pre-pregnancy physique despite efforts. Occupational risk is also greater for women — men aren’t questioned for having a pregnant wife, but women are often doubted because of pregnancy.
These risks are the price women pay.
Therefore, during courtship, it’s essential to evaluate if the partner can purely accept love without calculation, helping gauge whether someone is suitable for sharing the risks of pregnancy.
If the partner is unwilling to pay or constantly counts money spent on you, this creates pressure and anxiety, hindering your ability to feel safe, loved, and communicate freely within the relationship.
If you start to feel more "independent" but with decreasing self-confidence, with many fears, anger, and sadness that cannot be discussed or supported, after the child is born, this often turns into a "pseudo-single-parent" parenting mode.
The partner’s involvement in child-rearing may not increase and has a higher chance of infidelity.
Don’t expect a child’s birth to change the partner; don’t try to keep the partner because of the child.
Many women discover after pregnancy that their own child is harder to raise than others’. Women who still have the courage to raise children should avoid picking partners based on this pattern.
If the quality of the relationship doesn’t meet expectations, it’s better not to waste each other’s time.
Courageously breaking up and returning to single life is not a crime; it’s an opportunity to meet someone more suitable.
For those who want to have children, the prime fertility period is very short. Women face not only time constraints but also risks like premature ovarian failure. Men also face declining sperm vitality risks, which can cause infertility.
Unless you do not plan to have children, you should rationally evaluate the quality of the relationship: Are both parties willing to give, compromise, and communicate? Can you feel each other’s love through financial resources and emotional value?
Housework, parenting, and transportation are work without reasonable leave. The hardest work isn’t only the income-earner’s. Finance, time, and communication are very practical parts of parenting and marriage, and unresolved pre-marriage issues tend to amplify here.
Finding a good partner for your child and building a healthy family is not selfish — it provides a better environment for a child’s growth, resilience, and lowers the risk of adolescent suicide.
May everyone gain the ability to find happiness instead of clinging to a single way. You must first feel worthy and keep your confidence. When you have the ability to be happy, you can recognize and support relationship quality and bring happiness to yourself, your lover, your family, friends, and future generations.
If you are at a crossroads in a relationship, don’t fear rationally thinking and making choices. Letting go is for both of you to have better encounters.
Feel free to share this article to help more people understand that "relying on oneself" and "accepting help" are not contradictory. On the path of growth, we all deserve love and support.
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