育兒 ｜先從哪裡開始 Where should we start? （中英對照）

當你看著那個和你有濃厚血緣關係的小人物，只因跑贏你而雀躍不已時，你會不會突然驚覺：「我是怎麼把她／他養到這麼大的？」

某個假日早晨，我習慣性的一起床，就先去看孩子在做什麼，因為假日他們都比我早起床，各自忙著自己喜歡的事。

我走進孩子房間時看到，6歲還在幼稚園大班的Nalanda和7歲的Grisham已經醒了，坐在各自的床上消磨時間，13歲的Ashka大概是因為一大早五點多又偷偷自己一個人起床看電視，現在停電了（註），她乾脆回來補眠。

溫暖陽光充滿著孩子的臥室，我忍不住誘惑在Nalanda的床上再度躺下，順手抱著她取暖。就在我意識再度昏昏沉沉時，聽到Grisham開口對Nalanda說：
「Johnnie has two brothers. His father gives them two packs of cereals each. So how many packs of cereals are there in total? 」
(小約翰有兩個哥哥，他爸爸給他們一人兩包早餐穀物。請問總共有多少包早餐穀物？）
Nalanda想了一分鐘左右回答：「Six. 」(六包）。
Grisham用很鼓舞的口吻說：「That's right!」（答對了！）

Grisham接下去說：
「But Johnnie doesn't like the cereals he has, so the father gives them another one pack each. So now how many packs of cereals are there in total? 」
(但是小約翰不喜歡他的那兩包早餐穀物，所以爸爸又各給他們一包。請問現在總共有幾包早餐穀物？）
Nalanda這回想了兩分多鐘，才用很不確定的口氣說：「Ten？」(十包？）
Grisham很平靜的再說了一次問題，Nalanda又支支吾吾了一會兒才豁然開朗的說：「Nine! Nine in total!」(九包！總共有九包！）

我在一旁一邊聽著一邊在心裡翻白眼：「他們在這麼悠閒溫暖到令我感到慵懶的假日早晨做什麼數學問答啦？！我到底養大了什麼樣的孩子？」

有一回和幾個好姐妹在公園野餐時，跟她們分享我家孩子們最喜歡在晚餐時間和我玩-「他們說德文字詞給我猜，我說台語字詞給他們猜的遊戲」（歡迎參閱試說心語 | 台灣霹靂火）。在我敘述完遊戲方法後，當場一片安靜。幾秒過後，其中一位閨蜜終於開口說出其他人的心聲：「你家連晚餐時間也要這麼學術派就對了？」

但是，他們很愛這個遊戲呀！

沒有一個個生活小插曲的呈現，我並不會特別覺得我們和孩子的相處模式很「學術派」。不論是誰，我們都只是潛意識裡，被成長過程深深的影響著。孩子的爸－Z先生，從小受非常有語言天份的爺爺教導而學會現在已很少人會學、會說的梵文。家族裡的語言基因，使得他對語言的敏銳度和學習力都比別人來得強。我因為母親是老師，縱使從小立志不當老師，卻轉眼已擔任教職十五年載。（歡迎參閱在南非教中文生存活筆錄 | 從無到有的十年 (上篇)

Z先生以他自小學習的體驗，把好的方式複製在教育孩子上。我自然而然把每天在和學生接觸的專業技能，應用在養育孩子上。教養孩子，我們無非都以從小耳濡目染的模式為基準點來養育孩子。而在我們的成長過程無可避免遇上些錯誤示範，那就是刻意需要避免傳承的。（這類事改日再另寫一篇來分享。）

有很多為人父母很自然的在陪孩子成長，也就很自然有放牛吃草過頭的那一派，最終養出一頭（或幾頭）蠻牛算是間接殘害幼苗。

認識一位在職場上呼風喚雨的媽媽，原以為在職場頭腦都比別人清楚的她，也會以自身菁英模式來教育她的獨生子，沒想到恰恰相反。舉例來說，她從不教兒子何時該說「謝謝」或「對不起」，直到有一次被友人指出，她才很驚訝的回應：「這些基本的事情小孩不是遲早會學會嗎？需要教呀？」

Alexis Mora Angulo on Unsplash

跋

回到主題，所以到底從哪裡開始？個人淺見：從自身會的開始。很愛煮飯的，就多和孩子在廚房裡培養親子感情；從小常常算數學的，就多陪孩子做算數；很喜歡騎車的，就多和孩子到戶外運動。

至於青出於藍要更勝於藍的理論呢？那也要身為大人的我們，先以身教出發，先學習了解自己不擅長的事，才有立足點去鼓勵孩子突破盲點，打破玻璃天花板。大家一起共同成長是學習的下一步。

註：南非嚴重缺電已是近十幾年來的大問題，是常態生活的一部分了。

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You gaze at that insignificant figure closely tied to you by strong blood relations, and they exult in victory over you. Does that make you suddenly realize, 'How did I raise her/him to be this big?'

On one holiday morning, as is my habit, I got up and checked on the children to see what they're up to. On weekends, they often wake up earlier than me, each engrossed in their own favorite activities.

As I entered the children's room, I saw that 6-year-old Nalanda, who is in kindergarten senior class, and 7-year-old Grisham were already awake, sitting on their respective beds, passing the time. Thirteen-year-old Ashka, perhaps because she had secretly gotten up on her own to watch TV around five again in the morning , now that the power is out (refer to footnote), has decided to catch up on sleep instead.

The warm sunlight filled the children's bedroom, and I couldn't resist the temptation to lie down on Nalanda's bed again, instinctively holding her for warmth. Just as I was slipping back into a drowsy state, I heard Grisham said to Nalanda: 'Johnnie has two brothers. His father gives them two packs of cereals each. So how many packs of cereals are there in total?' Nalanda took about a minute to respond, 'Six.' Grisham enthusiastically exclaimed, 'That's right!'

Grisham continued, 'But Johnnie doesn't like the cereals he has, so the father gives them each an additional pack. So now, how many packs of cereals are there in total?' Nalanda took over two minutes this time, and she said with an uncertain tone, 'Ten?' Grisham calmly repeated the question, and after a moment of hesitation, Nalanda suddenly brightened up and shouted, 'Nine! Nine in total!'

I rolled my eyes internally while listening, thinking, 'Why are they doing math quiz on this leisurely, warm and lazy holiday morning? What kind of children have I raised?'

One time, when I was having a picnic at a park with a few close girlfriends, I shared with them my children's favorite dinner time game – 'They give me German words to guess, and I give them Taiwanese words to guess'. After explaining the game, there was a moment of silence. A few seconds later, one of my dear friends finally articulated what others were thinking , 'Is it really necessary for your household to turn dinner time into an academic pursuit?'

However, they really do love this game!

I wouldn't particularly perceive our interaction with the children as 'academic' without the presentation of these little episodes from daily life. Regardless of who we are, we are all subconsciously shaped by the process of growing up. The children's father, Mr. Z, was taught the now rarely learned and spoken Sanskrit by his linguistically gifted grandfather at a young age. The linguistic genes in his family have endowed him with a greater sensitivity to language and a stronger aptitude for learning. As for me, with a mother who was a teacher, despite vowing not to become a teacher myself from a young age, I have now been in the teaching profession for fifteen years.

Drawing from his experiences of learning since childhood, Mr. Z replicates effective methods when it comes to educating our children. Naturally, I apply the professional skills I engage with students daily to nurturing our children. Parenting, after all, is centered around the patterns ingrained in us since childhood. Throughout our own growth, we inevitably encounter some mistaken examples, which are precisely what we consciously need to avoid passing on. (I'll write another piece to share more about such matters on another occasion.)

Many parents naturally play a vital role in their children's growth, but there's also a kind that takes a laissez-faire approach, allowing them to grow wildly, ultimately leading to nurturing a headstrong bull (or several), which indirectly harms the young souls.

Knowing a mother who is an achiever in the workplace, one might assume that someone as clear-headed as her in a professional setting would also use her own elite nature to educate her only child. Surprisingly, it's quite the opposite. For instance, she never teaches her son when to say 'thank you' or 'I'm sorry,' until a friend pointed it out to her. She reacted in astonishment, 'Aren't these basic things kids are bound to learn sooner or later? Is there a need to teach them?'

Conclusion

Let's go back to where I began. Where should one start? In my humble opinion: start with what you're good at. Spend more time with your children in the kitchen to cultivate that parent-child bond, if you love cooking; spend more time doing math quiz with your child, if you're accustomed to doing it from a young age; engage in outdoor activities with your child more often,if you enjoy cycling.

As for the saying 'the student surpassing the master,' that requires us adults to lead by example. We need to learn about our own shortcomings before we can encourage our children to overcome their blind spots and think outside of the box. The next step in learning is for us all to grow together.

Note: Severe power shortages have been a significant issue in South Africa for nearly a decade, becoming a regular part of daily life.