育兒煩憂的反思 Reflecting on Parenting Concerns

最近有親朋好友與我分享關於教養孩子的煩惱與困擾，例如：

• 雙胞胎兄弟語言能力發展的差異導致話語權不均衡：一個滔滔不絕，一個愛玩鬧

• 孩子即將踏入體制內的幼稚園，不知道會遭遇什麼，又會作何反應，做父母的鞭長莫及
  

由於我並沒有育兒的經驗，基本上無法完全感同身受作為父母所需面對的現實與心情，也不會自以為有能力去同理或給予任何有建設性的想法。這些憂慮讓我思考更多的是：
▎在這些擔憂的背後，我們真正的恐懼是什麼？是小孩的無能？還是自己的無力？

▎如果我是孩子，我會希望父母如何面對我現在的狀況，如何處理和應對我？

▎如果我是父母，我會希望在孩子面對現在的狀況時，扮演什麼角色？

我特別喜歡好友月月分享的育兒心態：

相信每個生命都會找到自己的出路，孩子是獨立的個體，我們只是他們生命的載體。他們擁有我們身為父母基因中最好的部分，所以我相信他們能比我們更有能力去處理他們生命中需要面對的一切。

如果我是小孩，我會很喜歡我的父母能夠相信我能獨立思考，並發展出屬於我自己生存和適應的方式，他們不會時刻牽著我的手，而是在我需要幫助或跌倒時，及時伸出手拉我一把，讓我能重新調整步伐並繼續前進。

如果我是父母，我會希望自己能用觀察和好奇的心態，去期待小孩每一次脫殼進入一個新狀態的樣貌和成長。

當然，理想和現實總是有所差距，我們或許只能在無窮的擔憂中，不時提醒自己可以放手，這不僅是為了讓孩子獨立，更是為了放過自己。

Reflecting on Parenting Concerns: What Are We Truly Afraid Of?

Recently, friends and family have shared their concerns and challenges in parenting, such as:

• Unequal speaking rights between twin brothers due to differences in language development: one is talkative, while the other loves to be playful.
• Worries about what their child will encounter and how they will react when entering kindergarten.

As I haven't experienced parenting, I can't fully empathize or provide constructive advice. Hearing these worries makes me think:

▎What are our true fears behind our worries? Is it the child's incapability or our own sense of powerlessness?

▎If I were a child, what role would I want my parents to play in handling my current situation?

▎As a parent, what role would I hope to take when my child faces their current situation?

I really love how my friend Ivy shares her parenting mindset:

I believe that each life will find its own path. Children are independent individuals, and we are merely their vessels. They possess the best parts of our genes as parents, so I trust that they have the ability to handle everything they encounter in life.

If I were a child, I would cherish my parents, knowing they trust in my ability to develop my own way of living and adapting. They wouldn't constantly hold my hand but extend their help when needed, allowing me to readjust and move forward.

As a parent, I would hope to observe and approach my child's growth with a curious heart, expecting and embracing every time they shed their old selves and enter new states of being.

Of course, there is always a gap between ideals and reality. We may only be able to remind ourselves to let go amidst the endless worries, not only for the sake of allowing our children to grow and learn, but also for the sake of forgiving ourselves.