《關係界限》祝福與放手Sometimes blessing is the best gift, good enough.

「這是一個關於助人的界限的問題，也是一個關於祝福與放手的故事。」

關於助人的界限原則，相信各有擁護立場與論點，對於要不要買口香糖、要不要捐錢給乞討者，我自己也曾糾結不已，甚至與朋友們、曾經的另一半為此爭執。

或許是家庭教育的影響，或許是天生的憐憫心作祟，我總是不顧一切地去幫助，也要求身邊的人都要善良。

然而，我幫助的人，並不一定都需要或適合這些幫助。

曾經將家教收入全數給拾荒老奶奶（還請另一半的家教收入也給奶奶哈哈），並數個半夜陪伴奶奶拾荒，最終發現老奶奶是當地富人（當時另一半真是氣炸了）。

曾經拼命救回喝農藥自盡的伯伯（他做出選擇時明明是那樣安詳自在），以為自己萬分正確，卻看著他在面臨家人的失望中（那種你怎麼被救回來了的態度）再一次心死，在反覆洗胃抽痰的痛苦中彷彿又一次次死去，也在回到孤獨的家中後，於無盡的寂寥中迎來真正的死去。

「如果我沒有能力給予他所匱乏的，將他拉回來是否等於又讓他死了好幾次？」把明明拿到回家車票的他，硬是拖下了車。

對於我曾以為正義即是「盡己所能去幫助他人，絕對正確」的信念崩解，才逐漸領悟了，真的救助是心靈的療癒、思維的改變、以及給予希望。

因為真正的可憐，是心靈的貧瘠。

若對方覺得自己可憐、匱乏、辦不到的思維不改變，即便被救助後，仍會復歸原樣，甚至曾經得到關愛後又失去的巨大落差感，會令其墜落更深的失落深淵。

在眾多無能為力與心力疲乏後，

慢慢懂得，

每個人有自己的人生要經歷，

即使是最為親密的人。

於是慢慢學會，

不讓氾濫的同情心，

打擾別人與自己的路，

只在短暫交會，用自己能力所及的光與愛，做溫暖的過客。

燃盡的蠟燭，無法點亮下一個遇見。

尊重每個靈魂個體都有自己選擇的靈魂藍圖。

過多的照顧或背負，可能會變成控制，甚至影響對方成長的機會。

#慈悲同理 #自我覺察

Dealing with helping people, there's always a debate.

Like, should you buy gum or give money to someone asking for it?

I used to struggle with this, arguing with friends and even my ex over it.

Maybe it's how I was raised or having too much sympathy, but I'd go all out to help.

I once gave all my tutoring cash (even my ex's) to an old lady I thought was poor, and took several nights to scavenge with her, but she turned out a rich.

Another time, I saved an old man from drinking pesticide(he had chosen that path peacefully), thinking I was a hero. Turns out, he was killed again while his families was disappointed on his back. It hit me hard.

I used to believe helping everyone was always right, but now I get it.

Real help is about changing minds and giving hope, not just doing stuff.

Because the great pity is when someone's soul is down and out.

After lots of times feeling useless, I learned everyone's got their own journey.

Thus, now, I don't let my overflowing sympathy mess with people's paths.

I try to be a passing light, giving some warmth and love as my best, instead of sticking around too long.

An extinguished candle can't light up the next person in need.