活出你的設計（四之二）：Projector 自我責備無法排解苦澀

【更新：標題更改、內文修飾與修正】

（這是稍微修飾過的Google譯文。請參考下端英文原文。）

雖然有同化。但是，如果你是Projector（導能者/投射者/策劃者），那麼你將非常依賴能源/能量。而且最重要的是，你自己內心缺乏完整感，你最終接入了錯誤的事物，這對你的心理和生理上都是一個可怕的陷阱。而且你永遠也不會面對現實。你永遠不會以可以辨識它們的方式看待事物。

這責怪是一件可怕的事情。我知道別無選擇。不要責怪，沒有錯，沉迷於這種事情就像我是個怪胎。我純粹只是一個人。我早上醒來，會感到憂鬱。現在，當我早上醒來時感到憂鬱時，我不會對自己說：「怎麼了？」這並沒有任何錯誤。我只是碰巧展示了我的基本化學反應而已。就是這樣。

身為一個導能者，要真正能夠和平生活，他們必須能夠擺脫那種苦澀。對於區分導能者來說，擺脫苦澀是多麼地困難。因為其他人是如此重要，所以永遠都是錯誤的另一個。我的意思是，我認識很多導能者。天啊！他們挑選夥伴時做了糟糕的事。不完全是！他們做得很糟糕。他們只是不擅長。因為這不是他們的目的。他們不是在這裡尋找合作夥伴。他們是在這裡被發現！他們在這裡受到邀請、在這裡受到認可、在這裡受到尊重。

我所知道的導能者是——他們會接入（別人的能量場）！就是這樣！最後，他們真的可以說出這種關係。「好吧，我接入了。」你看「我吃晚餐、午餐、早餐。」我接通了。你看「我每年必須買新衣服」和「我已經接入，是的，就是這樣」，沒有別的⋯⋯我們對人如此愚蠢，不是嗎？ 是如此容易地被人們愚弄，就是這樣。我的意思是，我知道，我看自己的「電影」。我認為某人將是這樣而不是那樣，又能怎麼辦。你看。你不能相信非我，要做正確的事。你不能。你只能期盼，僅此而已，只是他們無論如何都會搞砸它。

但，這種抱怨（和責怪），是一種疾病。這些就是這樣的人，他們是在責怪世界、抱怨上帝、責怪政府、抱怨學校、責怪父母、埋怨兒童、（甚至）責備狗。無止盡的抱怨。並以此作為嘗試解決自己的苦澀的一種方式。我很苦澀，因為你把我搞砸了。這就是為什麼我很苦澀。要怪你搞砸了我的生活。此事都怪你。那事情也都怪你。這是區分（split）的疾病。身為區分和擁有開放（能量中心）與無意識的導能者，是一種咀咒。

第一件事是你永遠也看不見別人的成果。經驗告訴你，對方只會給你帶來苦澀。就是這樣。就是這些無休止的交際纏結，在你生命中留下了至今難忘的不好滋味。你不能。於是憤世嫉俗開始了。導能者可以是非常非常聰明的人。他們知道很多東西，當所有這些東西都扭曲了，他們對世界和世界中事物的看法，可能會變得如此醜陋。他們不再尊重別人。他們停止了視見（seeing）。（他們的）接入變成了一切。一切都變成了「好吧，也許是下一個吧」，也許吧，也許⋯⋯

Though the conditioning is there. But if you're a projector you're so dependent on the energy resource. And then on top of that there is the sense of lack of completion within yourself, that you end up plugging into the wrong thing and it becomes a horrendous trap for you psychologically as well as physically. And you never get to face the truth. You never get to see things the way they could be seen.

This blame is a horrendous thing. I know there's no choice. No blame, no fault and to indulge in such thing it's like me being a freak. I'm pure individual. I wake up in the morning and I’m melancholic. Now when I wake up in the morning and I’m melancholic, I don't say to myself “what's wrong?” There is nothing wrong. I just happened to be displaying my basic chemistry. That’s what it's about.

You see for a projector, to really be able to live in peace, they have to be able to move away from that bitterness. And for the split projector, how difficult it can be, to get out of the bitterness. Because the other is so, so important and it's always the wrong other. I mean, I have known so many projectors. Boy did they do a lousy job picking partners. No really! They do a lousy job. They're just not good at it. Because it's not what they're about. They're not here to find a partner. They're here to be found! They’re here to be invited, they’re here to be recognized, they’re here to be respected.

And the projector’s that I have known, it's… they’re plugged-in! That's it! In the end that's all they'll really can say about that relationship. “Well I was plugged in.” you know “I had dinner, lunch, breakfast”. I was plugged in. you know “I got to buy new clothes each year” and “I was plugged in, yeah, that was it”, nothing else… We are so stupid about people, aren’t we? It's so easy to be fooled by people. It just is, I mean, I know, I watch my own movie. I think somebody's going to be this not to be that, what the hell to do. You know. You can't trust the not-self, to do right. You can't. you can only hope, only, chances are they going to mess it up anyway.

But it's this blame, it's a disease. These are the people, they blame the world, blame God, blame the government, blame the schools, blame the parents, blame the children, blame the dog. Endless, endless, endless blame. And all as a way to try to answer their own bitterness. I'm bitterness because you fucked me up. That's why I'm bitter. You're to blame for messing up my life. You're to blame for this. You're to blame for that. It's the disease of splits. It's the curse of projectors to be a split and have that open and be unaware.

The first thing is that you never get to see what the other can be. Experience teaches you that the other is only going to bring you bitterness. That's what happens. These endless knots of rounds of relationships, that all leave a bad taste in your mouth until you can't imagine that taste disappearing. You can't. And so the cynicism begins. projectors can be very, very wise beings. They know a lot of stuff and when all of that is twisted, their minds can get so ugly about the way in which they look at the world and beings in it. They stop having respect for other people. They stopped seeing. The plug becomes everything. And it all becomes “well, maybe the next one”, maybe, maybe…