根據研究指出,那些與疏離關係進行更多對話的人,比起那些每天接觸較少此類互動的人,會稍微更快樂一些。
讓我們感到快樂的不僅僅是與陌生人和熟人交談,而是我們每天與弱勢和強勢關係的整個互動套件。
人們在日常對話中擁有不同關係的混合越豐富,他們就越快樂和滿足。例如,一個人一天內與各種不同類型的人交談,包括陌生人、熟人、朋友、家人和同事,他很可能比只與同事和朋友交談的人感到更快樂。
多跟陌生人閒聊會讓你感到快樂,這就讓我想到很多婆婆媽媽很愛去菜市場,其實重點或許不是買菜買東西,而是追求快樂,只是想要有個聊天的對象而已,所以不要阻止媽媽們出去逛街阿(誤
Before Gillian Sandstrom became a psychologist, she was a computer programmer. Then she decided to change tracks and pursue a degree in psychology at Toronto Metropolitan University. And she felt like she didn't fit in.
在成為心理學家之前,Gillian Sandstrom曾是一名電腦程式設計師。然後她決定轉換軌道,在多倫多都會大學攻讀心理學學位。她覺得自己不適應。
"I was 10 years older than my fellow students," Sandstrom recalls. "I wasn't sure I was meant to be there. I didn't instantly feel like a part of that community."
"我比我的同學們大了10歲,"桑德斯特羅姆回憶道。"我不確定我是否應該在那裡。我並沒有立刻感到自己是那個社群的一部分。"
Enter the hot dog lady.
進入熱狗小販。
On her daily walk from one university building to another, Sandstrom would pass a hot dog stand.
在她每天從一個大學建築走到另一个大學建築的路上,桑德斯特羅姆會經過一個熱狗攤。
"I never bought a hot dog, but every time I walked past, I would smile and wave at her and she'd smile and wave at me," she says.
她說:“我從來沒有買過熱狗,但每次我經過時,我都會對她微笑和揮手,她也會對我微笑和揮手。”
Sandstrom remembers looking forward to this daily interaction. This brief exchange with a stranger made her feel less isolated.
Sandstrom記得每天都期待著這種日常互動。這個與陌生人的短暫交流讓她感到不再孤立。
"She made me feel happy," she says. "I felt better after seeing her and worse if she wasn't there."
她說:“她讓我感到快樂。看到她後,我感覺更好,如果她不在那裡,我感覺更糟。”
Years later, that type of brief but happy encounter inspired Sandstrom to design a study that looks at the benefits of social connections — encounters, even brief ones, with strangers, acquaintances and anyone outside our close circle of family, friends and colleagues.
多年後,這種簡短但快樂的相遇激發了桑德斯特羅姆設計一項研究,探究社交關系的好處——與陌生人、熟人以及我们親密的家人、朋友和同事圈之外的任何人的相遇,即使只是短暫的。
"This relationship I had with her really got me thinking about how we have so many people in our lives," says Sandstrom, who now works at the University of Sussex. "We're only close to a small number of them, but all of the other people seem to matter a lot and maybe a lot more than we realize."
「我和她之間的這段關係真的讓我開始思考我們生活中有多少人,」珊德斯特羅姆說道,他現在在蘇塞克斯大學工作。「我們只和其中少數人親近,但其他所有人似乎都很重要,也許比我們意識到的還要重要。」
Her work is part of a growing body of research that looks at the value of social connectedness, not just to our happiness and well-being but our overall physical health. (In fact, social isolation hurts our minds and bodies so much that it's known to increase risk of premature death.)
她的工作是一系列不斷增長的研究的一部分,這些研究關注社交聯繫的價值,不僅僅是對我們的幸福和福祉,還有我們整体身体健康的影響。(事實上,社交孤立對我們的心理和身體傷害如此之大,以至于已知會增加早逝的風險。)
While much of the research on social connections has focused on the closest relationships in people's lives, Sandstrom and other scientists are now learning that even the most casual contacts with strangers and acquaintances can be tremendously beneficial to our mental health.
雖然社交連結的研究大多集中在人們生活中最親密的關係上,但桑德斯特羅姆和其他科學家現在正在了解,即使是與陌生人和熟人之間最隨意的接觸,對我們的心理健康也能帶來巨大的益處。
In a 2014 study, Sandstrom tried to find out if the kind of boost she got from her hot dog lady encounters held true for others. She and her colleagues recruited more than 50 participants and gave each of them two clicker counters.
在2014年的一項研究中,桑德斯特姆試圖弄清楚她從與熱狗攤主的相遇中獲得的推動力是否對其他人也適用。她和她的同事們招募了50多名參與者,並给每個人分發了兩個計數器。
"I asked them to count every time they talked to someone during the day," she explains.
她解釋說:"我要求他們在一天中與他人交談的次數。"
With one clicker they counted their interactions with people they were close to — the kind of social connections sociologists call "strong ties."
他們用一個點擊器計算了與親近的人的互動次數,這種社交聯繫被社會學家稱為「緊密聯繫」。
The second clicker was for counting so-called "weak ties" — strangers, acquaintances, colleagues we don't often work with.
第二個點擊器是用来計數所谓的“弱關係”——陌生人、熟人、我們不常一起工作的同事。
"In general, people who tended to have more conversations with weak ties tended to be a little happier than people who had fewer of those kinds of interactions on a day-to-day basis," she says.
一般而言,那些傾向於與疏離關係進行更多對話的人,比起那些每天接觸較少此類互動的人,會稍微更快樂一些。她说。
And each participant was happier on the days they had more of these interactions, she adds.
她補充說,每個參與者在有更多這樣的互動的日子裡都更快樂。
In a later study, she and her colleagues looked at the impact that talking to strangers has on mood. They recruited 60 people outside a Starbucks in Vancouver, Canada, and gave each of them a gift card. Individuals were randomly assigned to either be as efficient as possible when placing their order — no small talk with the staff — or to be more social with the barista.
在後續的研究中,她和她的同事門研究了與陌生人交談對情绪的影響。他們在加拿大温哥華的一家星巴克外面招募了60個人,並给每個人一張禮品卡。個體被隨機分配到兩组,一组要盡可能高效地點餐,不與員工閒聊,另一组則與咖啡師更加社交。
"So try to make eye contact, smile, have a little chat, try to make it a genuine social interaction," Sandstrom told them.
「所以試著眼神接觸,微笑,聊一點兒,試著讓它成為真正的社交互動,」桑德斯特羅姆告訴他們。
When the study participants came back outside, they were sent to a different researcher who didn't know the instructions given to each participant. The researcher then had the participants fill out a questionnaire about their current mood and how much they had interacted with the barista.
當研究參與者回到室外時,他們被送到一位不知道每位參與者所收到指示的不同研究人員那裡。然後,該研究人員讓參與者填寫一份關於他們目前心情以及與咖啡師互動程度的問卷。
It turns out that the people who chatted with the barista were in a better mood and felt a greater sense of belonging than those who didn't interact much with the staff.
原來與咖啡師聊天的人心情更好,感到更有歸屬感,而那些與員工互動較少的人則不然。
"I think lots of people, if they think about it, can tell a story like that about a time where someone that they didn't know at all or didn't know well just really made a difference by listening or smiling or saying a couple of words," says Sandstrom.
「我覺得很多人,如果他們仔細想一想,都能講出這樣一個故事,關於一個他們完全不認識或不太熟悉的人,僅僅通過傾聽、微笑或說幾句話,真正產生了影響,」Sandstrom說道。
Other research shows that it's not just talking to strangers and acquaintances that makes us happy, but the entire suite of our daily interactions with both weak and strong ties.
其他研究表明,讓我們感到快樂的不僅僅是與陌生人和熟人交談,而是我們每天與弱勢和強勢關係的整個互動套件。
Hanne Collins, a graduate student at Harvard Business School, is the lead author of a study on this topic, drawing on data from eight countries. She and her colleagues found that the richer the mix of different relationships in people's daily conversations, the happier and more satisfied they felt. For example, someone who talks to lots of different kinds of people — strangers, acquaintances, friends, family, colleagues — in a day is likely to feel happier than someone who talks only to, say, colleagues and friends.
哈佛商學院的研究生漢妮·柯林斯是這個主題研究的主要作者,她和她的同事們利用來自八個國家的數據進行了研究。他們發現,人們在日常對話中擁有不同關係的混合越豐富,他們就越快樂和滿足。例如,一個人一天內與各種不同類型的人交談,包括陌生人、熟人、朋友、家人和同事,他很可能比只與同事和朋友交談的人感到更快樂。
Having conversations with "lots of different people might build the sense of community and belonging to a larger social structure," says Collins. "That might be very powerful."
Collins表示:“與許多不同的人交談可能会建立社區感和歸屬感,使人感覺自己屬於一个更大的社會結構。” “這可能非常有力量。”
Plenty of people will testify to the strength they gain from having a richer mix of people and social interactions in their lives. Their interactions might serve as a guide for those who don't typically engage in conversations with lots of folks — and who may fall into the cohort of people suffering from what the U.S. Surgeon General categorizes as "social isolation."
很多人都會證明,擁有更多種類的人和社交互動可以增强他們的力量。他們的互動可能會成為那些通常不與很多人交談、並可能屬於美國衛生部長所歸類為“社交孤立”的人的指南。
In Lagos, Nigeria, psychiatrist Dr. Maymunah Yusuf Kadiri is particularly aware of the role of varied social interactions in her own well-being.
在尼日利亞的拉各斯,精神科医生Maymunah Yusuf Kadiri博士特别意識到多樣化的社交互動對她自身的幸福感起到的作用。
"Those pockets of interactions bring that humanness," says Kadiri. "They bring that connection. They bring a view of how other people's lives are, so you're not just in your own cocoon."
卡迪里說:“這些互動的小圈子帶來了人性。”“它們帶來了關係。它们讓你看到其他人生活的樣子,這樣你就不會只局限在自己的小世界里。”
"All of [these micro-encounters] seem to affirm our belonging, seem to affirm that we are seen and recognized by others, even the most casual contact," says psychiatrist Dr. Robert Waldinger at Massachusetts General Hospital. As the director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, he has followed individuals and their families for decades to understand the factors contributing to well-being.
麻省總醫院的精神科醫生羅伯特·沃爾丁格博士表示:“所有這些微小的相遇似乎都肯定了我们的歸屬感,似乎肯定了我们被他人看到和認可,即使是最随意的接觸。”作為哈佛成年發展研究的主任,他數十年来一直追踪個體及其家庭,以了解對幸福健康的影響因素。
Building more social moments into our days doesn't have to be a huge undertaking, he adds. He suggests starting with small steps, like small talk with strangers and acquaintances.
他補充說,將更多社交時刻融入我們的日常生活並不需要大舉行動。他建議從小步驟開始,例如與陌生人和熟人進行閒聊。
"People love to be noticed," he says. "And most of the time, they will respond positively."
他说:“人們喜歡被注意到。大多数時候,他們會積極回應。”
If they don't, he adds, don't give up.
如果他們不這麼做,他補充說,不要放棄。
"This is a little like a baseball game where you don't expect to hit the ball every time," he says.
他說:“這有點像一場棒球比赛,你不指望每次都能打中球。”
Sometimes, adds Waldinger, these casual conversations can lead to deeper conversations and a greater sense of connection in our lives, which add to our happiness.
有時候,Waldinger 補充說,這些随意的對話可以引導我们進行更深入的交流,增加我们生活中的聯繫感,從而增加我们的幸福感。
In Kadiri's case, her daily conversations with the fruit vendor paved the way for a friendship. Kadiri says she's even helped the woman open a bank account and advised her about health issues. The vendor has said she appreciates the help, but, says Kadiri, "it's a win-win situation" because she feels happier knowing that she's made a difference to someone's life.
在卡迪里的案例中,她與水果攤販的日常交談為友誼鋪平了道路。卡迪里说,她甚至帮助这位女士开设了银行账户,并就健康问题提供建议。摊贩表示感激这种帮助,但卡迪里说:“这是双赢的局面”,因为她知道自己对某人的生活产生了积极的影响,所以感到更加快乐。
For some people, those so-called weak ties can be just as important as relationships with friends and family.
對於一些人來說,所謂的「薄弱關係」可能和與朋友和家人的關係一樣重要。
In my home country, India, my old friend Anannya Dasgupta lives alone in Chennai. She moved there not long before the pandemic to start a new job as a professor at a university. She has colleagues and close friends in the city but doesn't interact with them every day. And since the pandemic, she has taught many classes virtually.
在我的祖國印度,我的老朋友Anannya Dasgupta獨自一人居住在金奈。她在疫情爆發前不久搬到那裡,開始在一所大學擔任教授的新工作。她在這個城市有同事和親密的朋友,但並不每天與他們互動。自從疫情爆發以來,她已經通過虛擬方式教授了許多課程。
"So, in a way, for practical support, and even for kindness, and some level of caregiving, [I'm] relying on the so-called weak ties," she says — with the security guards in her apartment complex, her cook and the of drivers she occasionally hires because she doesn't like driving in a city that still feels somewhat unfamiliar to her.
她說:“所以,在某種程度上,對於實際支持,甚至是善意和某種程度的照顧,我依賴所謂的弱勢關係。”這些關係包括她公寓大樓的保安人員、廚師以及她偶爾雇用的司機,因為她不喜歡在這個對她來說仍然有些陌生的城市開車。
Back in January, when she had a health emergency, she hired a new driver for multiple visits to the hospital. When she had to be admitted for surgery, the man parked her car back at her apartment, gave the keys to the security officer there, then picked up the car to bring her home after discharge.
一月份的时候,她遇到了一次健康紧急情况,雇了一位新司机多次送她去医院。当她需要住院手术时,这位司机将她的车停在公寓楼下,并把钥匙交给了那里的保安,然后在她出院后再开车送她回家。
A few days after she was home, the driver called her just to see how she was recovering.
她回家几天后,司机打电话给她,只是想看看她的康复情况。
"My life here," says Dasgupta, "is held up by weak ties."
「我的生活在這裡,」達斯古普塔說道,「是由脆弱的關係支撐著。」
原文網址:
https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2023/08/23/1193148718/why-a-strangers-hello-can-do-more-than-just-brighten-your-day