如何變得更樂觀 – 半瓶水的生活會更好 /  蘇珊．夏茵 - 原文自紐約時報

我們處在這樣緊張忙碌的社會，每天被錢追著跑，被生活壓的死死的。每個人或多或少都會有一點燥鬱或憂鬱。

尤其是那些精神敏感的人，甚至會產生人格分裂，或是被迫害幻想症。到了一個臨界點，或是一個引爆點，不是殺人就是自殺。

我也一樣，而且我是女性，生了三個孩子。每次懷孕到生產後，一直到孩子三歲送去幼稚園。我的精神一直處在憂鬱或燥鬱兩極之間，有時無預警的突然傷心哭了起來，有時卻看到誰都不順眼，還有一次不小心傷到把孩子。

那時的我非常討嚴自己，也想要自殺。但又覺得自己沒有錯，都是別人的問題，為什麼要自殺呢？是別人該死吧？

雖然知道自己有問題，但也不好意思去看醫生，怕變成人家口中的神精病，不過也確實是精神有問題。

一直到不小心傷到孩子後，我才認知到如果我繼續這樣下去，也許就不是傷到孩子那樣簡單。

後來我養成寫日記的習慣，把心中的不安或是對別人的不開心，通通寫到日記上。每當自己又陷入被迫害幻想時，強迫自己停止幻想。

漸漸地，對於那些刺激到自己的人事物，我的反應沒那麼大了。

日前在紐約時報看到一篇蘇珊．夏茵發表的「如何變得更樂觀 - 半瓶水的生活會更好」。她提到那些方式，跟我之前使用的方式有些類似，所以我便翻譯成中文，跟大家分享。

這些日子你看著電視新聞，很難不感到沮喪。對某些人來說，甚至更難，而這是因為基因和社會經濟的狀況。

然而，跟你內心的屹耳（註1）對抗可以有深遠的影響。研究指出，樂觀的人可以賺更多錢、可以擁有良好的人際觀係，可以活得更久。而事實上樂觀是可以學習的。

〔註冊1〕屹耳（Eeyore）是《小熊維尼》中的一個角色。他的特徵是悲觀，沮喪，失樂症，灰老毛驢，是小熊維尼的朋友

賓州大學積極心理中心主任，也是「希望巡途」的作者馬丁．色立曼說：「悲觀是一種人格特質，大多來自於遺傳。不過可以透過特定的練習來矯正。」

換句話來說，你是可以把自己的前途黯淡怪罪到你的父母，但你不用就這樣放棄自己。這裡有四種方法可以讓你開始走在比較明亮的那一邊街道上。

想像一下在十年內，你的夢想生活會是什麼樣子？有什麼感覺？然後坐下來把它寫下來。一週一次，一次約花個6到8分鐘，這樣持續一或兩個月。主題的重心都放在「最好的自己」上，如：在家庭上、在事業上、在愛情或是健康上。

雖然聽起來像是一廂情願，但許多研究顯示，想像自己的理想未來，是真正地可以提升你的樂觀程度。

加州大學河濱分校心理教授，也是「幸福的方式」的作者桑妮亞．盧波米爾斯基運用了這個方法在數百個對象上。她說這個方法很有效，因為透過『想像美夢成真，不去擔心可能發生的最壞結果』可以來增強你的『樂觀肌力』。

二、接受不可避免的失望

不斷期待最壞的狀況？依美國認知療法研究所副所長羅拉．奧利佛的說法，那也許是因為你希望保護自己不受到失望的傷害。

但把自己從起起落落的生活中隔離來，你也會失去一些東西。例如『對事情的積極預期』。奧利佛教授稱它為『非常有價值』及『喜悅』的感覺。（要證明的話，只要想想期待放假的樂趣）。

如奧利佛教授指出的，「不管怎樣，有時候你就是會沮喪」。所以如果你在偶爾被證實是錯誤的正面預期，或是有時被證實是對的負面預期之間選，那麼你最好選擇前者。

雖說改變思維模式是說的比做的容易，但是奧利佛博士認為那可以幫助記住「許多我們預期的負面事物其實永遠都不會發生。」而那個，就算會發生，我們通常也會很快地就恢復過來。

所以你的同事升官了，而且還是你一直想要的位子。現在你的心裡充斥著『我在工作上真的很差，我應該永遠都不會升上去。還是現在辭職好了⋯』諸如此類的想法

當你鑽入了沮喪的牛角尖，色立曼博士提供了一個訣竅，就是首先去分辨出是什麼製造這些負面想法，然後將他視為一個外來人，而這個人一生的使命就是讓你痛苦。

你是怎麼跟你的敵人抗辯？你應該會提出證據去證明他們錯了。例如：我在工作上沒那麼差、我比同事晚來兩年。或是我遲早會升上去，很快就會有空缺等等。

要把這種自我辯論變成一種習慣需要一點點練習。色立曼博士說那不是一蹴可幾的，但另一方面也不是真的很艱巨，大部份的人應該只需要幾天時間。

另一個增加樂觀的實證方法，就是用你極度正面的預期來抵消你的極度負面的預期，從中可以找到中庸之道。或者，如色立曼博士所說的 – “正確看待事物”。

假設你跟你的另一半因為意見不合大吵了一架，接著她大力甩門離開了房子。色立曼博士說，如果你跟大多數的人一樣，很自然地你會被引到『最災難性的解釋』。就是：「這是盡頭了、結束了。我沒人愛，我會孤獨一人到死。」

為了平衡，請也想一下下最不災難性的解釋 –。就是：「你的另一半正吃著一大盒的冰淇淋在走回家的路上，而且不會再提起剛剛的意見不合。」

這兩極之間，你可以找到甜蜜區，就是『合理的解釋』。也許是：再過幾小時她就會回家了，然後我們可以談談。明天雖然會怪怪的，但那之後就會回歸正常了。儘管沒有像冰淇淋場景那樣令人愉悅，但這種場景比一開始超沮喪的場景要好得多了（而且似乎更合理）。

色立曼博士說：「堅持練習前面所說的兩個策略，『自我對抗』並且『正確地看待事物』，那麼改變就可以成立。」

「這並非毫無根據」，他說「這些己經被數以千計的人測試過。」

隨著時間的推移，這些測試的結果可以持續很久，基本上可以永久地將極度悲觀情緒轉變成輕度沮喪。

這聽起來是值得樂觀的事了。

原文：

How to Be More Optimistic

Life is better with a half-full glass. - By Susan Shain

When you watch the news these days, it’s hard not to be pessimistic — and even harder for some people, depending on genes and socioeconomic status.

Yet battling your inner Eeyore can have profound effects. Research suggests that optimists earn more money, have better relationships and even live longer. And the thing is: Optimism can be learned.

“Pessimism is one of the personality traits that’s highly heritable, but also modifiable by specific exercises,” said Martin Seligman, director of the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania and author of “The Hope Circuit.”

In other words, you can blame your parents for your bleak outlook, but you don’t have to resign yourself to it forever. Here are four ways to start walking on the sunnier side of the street.

Visualize your best possible self

Imagine your dream life in 10 years — what would it look like? How would it feel? Now sit down and write about it: once a week, for six to eight minutes, for one or two months. Spend each session focusing on your “best possible self” in a single domain, such as family, career, romance or health.

Though it might sound like wishful thinking, dozens of studies show that imagining your ideal future can actually boost your levels of optimism.

Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychology professor at the University of California，Riverside and author of “The How of Happiness,” has employed this exercise with hundreds of subjects. It works, she said, because you’re strengthening your “optimistic muscles” by “thinking about all your dreams coming true as opposed to worrying about the worst possible outcome.”

Accept the inevitability of disappointment

Constantly expecting the worst? According to Laura Oliff, associate director of the American Institute for Cognitive Therapy, it might be because you’re hoping to protect yourself from disappointment.

But by trying to insulate yourself from life’s ups and downs, you’re missing out on something else, too: the “positive anticipation of events,” which Dr. Oliff called a “very valuable” and “joyful” feeling. (For proof, just think about the pleasure of anticipating a vacation.)

As Dr. Oliff pointed out, “You’ll be disappointed at times no matter what.” So if your choice is between positive expectations that are occasionally proven wrong or negative expectations that are occasionally proven right, you might as well go with the former.

While this mind-set shift is easier described than done, Dr. Oliff said it can help to remember that “many of the negative things we predict never actually happen” — and that, even when they do, we usually recover pretty quickly.

Argue against yourself

So your co-worker got the promotion you were angling for. And your mind is filling with thoughts like: I’m bad at my job. I’ll never move up the ladder. I might as well quit right now.

When you enter that pessimism spiral, Dr. Seligman says the trick is to first recognize the voice making those negative remarks, then argue with it as if it were “an external person whose mission in life is to make you miserable.”

How would you argue with your nemesis? You’d present evidence to prove them wrong, such as: I’m not bad at my job — my co-worker has been here for two years longer than I have. Or: I’ll eventually get promoted — another position is opening up soon.

Turning this type of self-argument into a habit requires a little practice. “It’s not instantaneous,” Dr. Seligman said. “But on the other hand, it’s not really onerous and difficult. It’s something that most people can acquire in a few days.”

Put things in perspective

Another evidence-based approach to boost your optimism is to intentionally counteract your extremely negative predictions with extremely positive ones. This will enable you to find the middle of the road — or, as Dr. Seligman said, to “put things in perspective.”

Let’s say you have a doozy of a fight with your partner. She leaves the house, slamming the door on the way out. If you’re like many humans, Dr. Seligman said you’ll naturally be attracted to the “most catastrophic interpretation”: This is the end, I’m unlovable, I’m going to die alone.

As a counterbalance, imagine the least catastrophic interpretation, too: Your partner’s on the way home with a tub of ice cream and will never mention the disagreement again.

Between those two poles is where you’ll find the sweet spot — the realistic interpretation. It might be: She’ll come back in a few hours, we’ll talk, it’ll be weird tomorrow and then back to normal. Though not as pleasant as the ice cream scenario, this outlook is far better (and far more plausible) than the ultra-pessimistic one with which you started.

By consistently practicing the two previous strategies — arguing against yourself and putting things in perspective — Dr. Seligman said you can make changes that stick.

“This is not armchair stuff,” he said. “These are things that have been tested with literally thousands of people.” Over time, he said these exercises can produce long-lasting results that “basically permanently change extreme pessimism into something much less pessimistic.

That sounds like something to be optimistic about.