Being a good listener
今晨開啟 VoiceTube app，映入眼簾的影片列表，有一則吸引了我：
“Being a good listener” （成為一個好的聆聽者的四大要素）
想到前此才和剛見面的實習老師討論到「聆聽」這件事。老四的名字叫做善翎，誒，打字時發現出現的是「善聆」，她說她一向在人際上慢熟，大多時候也屬於傾聽者的角色。
我馬上回應她，傾聽是一種很棒的特質呢！
回想我學生時代，也多屬於傾聽的一方，大概是因為對自己沒有自信，懂的不多，能回應的「談資」也不夠，所以乾脆少說少錯。
但是一直到現在，自己卻成為靠嘴巴謀生的善言者，有時不禁自我檢討，即使到老還是常常多說多錯啊～
所以，這則影片我便認真地點進去看，甚至邊看邊在平板上打下文字與即時的筆記。
我們的教育環境，一向鼓勵雄辯表達，確實忽略了積極聆聽的力量。這四點分別是：
- 善聆聽者總會溫暖接話與積極鼓勵
- 善聆聽者總善於釐清協助對方覺察
- 善聆聽者接納對方，不批判不說教
- 善聆聽者勇於表達己意不一味討好
以下分享給朋友們，英文是影片內容，中文我自己的心得，也就是提醒自己的話，聆聽的力量，每個人都該修煉。
We come to social life greedy to speak rather than listen.
Friendship degenerates into a socialized egoism.
在社交場合，我好像也只是想說自己的觀點，勝過真心聆聽，
友誼只是變質成自私的社會化自我主義，真的血淋淋～
Sadly no one has ever written a book called “The Listener”.
教育鼓勵大家「雄辯」勝過「傾聽」
There are a range of things that a good listener is doing that make it so nice to spend time in their company.
Firstly, they egg us on.
第一、他們會接話和鼓勵
We hugely benefit from encouragement to elaborate, go into greater detail, to push just a little further.
We need someone who, rather than launch forth on their own, will simply say those magic words: Go on…
They’re curious about where our concerns and excitements come from.
They ask things like: Why did that particularly bother you? Why was that such a big thing for you?
They keep our histories in mind; they might refer back to something we said before and we feel they’re building up a deeper base of engagement.
只要簡單回應：「繼續說…」和保持好奇
Secondly, the good listener urges clarification.
第二、聆聽者善於釐清
It's fatally easy to say vague things; we simply mention that something is lovely or terrible, nice or annoying.
But we don't really explore why we feel this way.
一般人都不清楚自己內在真正感覺和想法
我們很容易就脫口而出模凌兩可的言論，但是不會深入去探究
The friend who listens often has a productive, friendly suspicion of some of our own first statements and is after the deeper attitudes that are lurking in the background.
They’re bringing to listening, an ambition to clarify the underlying issues.
懂的聆聽的朋友會提出友善的質疑，幫助檢視潛伏在深層的心態
They don't just see conversation as the swapping of anecdotes.
They are reconnecting the chat you are having over pizza with the philosophical ambitions of Socrates, whose dialogues are records of his attempts to help fellow Athenians understand their ideas and values in a better way.
他們不會視對話為八卦交換，
會用蘇格拉底式的哲學精神探究一連串瑣事背後的想法和價值。
Thirdly, good listeners don't moralize.
第三、好的聆聽者不說教
They are skilled at making occasional little positive sounds: Strategic “mmmm…” that delicately signal sympathy without intruding on what we’re trying to say.
好的聆聽者會使用微小正向的回應語助聲「嗯嗯」微妙地表示專注聆聽
They give the impression that they recognize and accept our follies; they’re reassuring us they’re not going to shred our dignity.
Our vulnerability is something they warm to rather than are appalled by.
認可也接納我們的愚蠢卻不會踐踏自尊
Lastly, good listeners separate disagreement from criticism.
第四、好的聆聽者會分辨異議與批判
A good listener makes it clear that they can really like you and, at the same time, think you’re wrong.
They make it plain that their liking for you isn’t dependent on constant agreement.
勇於說清楚而不只是無條件認同和討好
When we’re in the company of people who listen well, we experience a very powerful pleasure.
Listening deserves discovery as one of the keys to a good society.
聆聽的力量應該被重視，有助於建構一個更好的社會！
