2023｜0818｜心情管理：透過緊急重要四象限加上一心法來停止焦慮與自責

心情管理

我們都曾有過由於各種原因而陷入了不斷的自責或是焦慮的情況。

今天在和朋友聊天時，分享了彼此遇到情緒問題時怎麼面對與解決問題，最後一致認同接下來要說的方式是一個能夠幫助我們停止責備自己、陷入焦慮的好方法。

一個心法：這是我能控制的嗎？

我們的焦慮與自責通常是有原因的，找出那個原因，然後問自己：「這是我能控制的嗎？」

如果不能控制，請接受這件事的發生，並停止繼續責備自己或感到焦慮。（例如：剛剛說的話會不會讓他不開心？是不是不該這麼說？➡️ 話都說出去了，我們也無法控制對方會產生什麼情緒和想法，不要再自責或焦慮了）

如果可以控制，請依照接下來說的「緊急、重要四象限」來處理。

緊急、重要四象限

這是一個在時間管理上很有名的工具，但我們認為也可以運用在管理心情上。

正如前文所說，「我們的焦慮與自責通常是有原因的」，那麼依照同樣的方式，先找出那個原因，然後分辨這個原因對我們來說，屬於四個象限中的哪一個象限。

這四個象限分別是：「緊急且重要」、「不緊急但重要」、「緊急但不重要」、「不緊急也不重要」。

1. 緊急且重要：不要花時間焦慮或自責了，立刻找出處理方法，處理問題。
   （例如：明天就要交報告了，但還沒做完，沒交就要被死當了 ➡️ 快去做，或是找人幫忙，總而言之要想辦法完成。）
2. 不緊急但重要：如果還沒開始處理問題，請開始著手規劃；如果已經開始處理問題，請堅持下去。
   （例如：明明在減重，但今天多吃了一個甜點 ➡️ 不要放棄，並記得調整減重計劃，堅持下去。）
3. 緊急但不重要：請再次思考是否需要讓不重要的事影響心情。
4. 不緊急也不重要：⋯⋯這就是所謂的為賦新詞強說愁嗎？

結語

如果知道自己正在為「緊急但不重要」、「不緊急也不重要」以及「不能控制」的事情而感到焦慮自責，但是仍然無法立刻跳脫情緒，那也沒關係。

人類是感情的動物，理性上可以接受但是感性上無法接受的情況十分常見，可以花時間慢慢的讓情緒平息下來，但最重要的是，不要再繼續為不安的情緒添柴加薪了。

要當情緒的主人，不要當情緒的奴隸

參考資料

1. 【時間管理】四象限法則 – Sevenss

（下方為英文版，個人練習英文用，若有任何文法或用字錯誤歡迎提出）

Mood Management (English Ver.)

We have all experienced situations where we find ourselves trapped in continuous self-blame or anxiety for various reasons.

Today, while chatting with my friends, we shared how we face and resolve emotional issues. In the end, we unanimously agreed that the approach I'm about to discuss is an effective method to help us stop blaming ourselves and getting caught up in anxiety.

A Guiding Principle: Can I Control This?

Our anxieties and self-blame often have reasons behind them. Identify that reason and then ask yourself, "Can I control this?"

If you can't control it, accept the occurrence of this matter and cease continuing to blame yourself or feeling anxious. (For example, "Will what I said make them unhappy? Shouldn't I have said that?" ➡️ Once the words are spoken, we cannot control the emotions and thoughts they might evoke in the other person. Avoid self-blame or anxiety.)

If you can control it, proceed to address it using the 'Urgent Important Matrix' that I will explain next.

The Urgent-Important Matrix

It is a well-known tool in time management. However, we believe it can also be applied to managing moods.

As previously mentioned, "our anxieties and self-blame usually have reasons." So, in a similar manner, identify the reason first and then determine which quadrant of the four quadrants it falls into, based on the same approach.

These four quadrants are: "Urgent and Important," "Not Urgent but Important," "Urgent but Not Important," and "Neither Urgent nor Important."

1. Urgent and Important: Do not waste time in anxiety or self-blame. Immediately find a solution and address the issue. (For example, the report is due tomorrow, and it's not done yet. If it's not submitted, you will fail the class. ➡️ Act quickly to complete it or seek assistance. In short, find a way to finish it.)
2. Not Urgent but Important: If you haven't started addressing the issue, start planning for it; if you have already started, persevere. (For example, despite being on a weight loss journey, if you had an extra dessert today ➡️ Don't give up, and remember to adjust your weight loss plan, and persevere.)
3. Urgent but Not Important: Reconsider whether it's necessary to let unimportant matters affect your mood.
4. Neither Urgent nor Important: Is this what they call inventing needless worries?

Conclusion

If you are aware that you are feeling anxious or blaming yourself for things that are "Urgent but Not Important," "Neither Urgent nor Important," or "Beyond Your Control," but still can't immediately break free from the moods, that's okay too.

Human beings are emotional creatures, and it's quite common to encounter situations that are logically acceptable but emotionally challenging. It's okay to take time to let your moods settle gradually. However, the most crucial aspect is to refrain from adding fuel to the fire of unease.

Be the master of your emotions, not the slave.